I thought I had beaten it.

[Susan Jane]

Back in it. Well maybe it never left. I get confused and forgetful. Spent a lot of time talking to Dr Catalyst because I wasn’t able to relate to people somehow . I am in a freeze total shutdown and I am finding it very difficult to defrost and have hope of recovery. Any words of wisdom? Thanks

 

[Sideways]

If you make an assessment about where you are right now - like, objectively, what am I doing during the day, what did I do yesterday - can you identify small goals you can start to add each day?

Like, when I’m badly depressed, getting out of bed an having a shower is an achievement. Because I stop doing that. So, my long goal might be getting out working and socialising again, but for today, and in order to achieve those long goals, it’s actually an achievement for me to shower. So if I do that? That becomes forward motion. It’s a genuine achievement. I can minimise it all I like, but if I didn’t shower yesterday, then it’s progress to do that today.

Those small things add up. They build critical momentum. And tracking them can be especially helpful. Writing down things you did today (rather than sticking with Depression’s favourite topic - Things I Didn’t Do Today!) and tracking those achievements starts to help rebuild the brain’s perception of what we can achieve.

The helplessness and hopelessness things we get stuck in is phenomenal, but I personally always found that writing those small achievements down, having written goals that I could work towards each day (realistic, achievable stuff!) was really helpful at helping rewire that mindset over time.

 

[ms spock]

Back in it. Well maybe it never left.

Remember our brains lie to us.

You have left it. You've made progress before.

I get confused and forgetful.

That's not usual. Give yourself a break.

Spent a lot of time talking to Dr Catalyst because I wasn’t able to relate to people somehow .

Yet you are here now relating to us.

I am in a freeze total shutdown and I am finding it very difficult to defrost and have hope of recovery. Any words of wisdom? Thanks

I think @Sideways came up with a good suggestion with having a shower.

The small things matter.

Showers
A meal
Posting here to let us know how e are doing.
Changing sheets.
Some Self Compassion - Kristin Neff's website has free guided self compassion talks.

And know that you are not alone. I've hit the deck and I am down for the count. I am, mostly, not managing the basics. I am writing the complaints about the Insurance Company's negligence and fraud. I am talking to a statutory body. I am researching for a new psychiatrist. Having a shower is one of my achievements at the moment.

 

[Susan Jane]

If you make an assessment about where you are right now - like, objectively, what am I doing during the day, what did I do yesterday - can you identify small goals you can start to add each day?

Like, when I’m badly depressed, getting out of bed an having a shower is an achievement. Because I stop doing that. So, my long goal might be getting out working and socialising again, but for today, and in order to achieve those long goals, it’s actually an achievement for me to shower. So if I do that? That becomes forward motion. It’s a genuine achievement. I can minimise it all I like, but if I didn’t shower yesterday, then it’s progress to do that today.

Those small things add up. They build critical momentum. And tracking them can be especially helpful. Writing down things you did today (rather than sticking with Depression’s favourite topic - Things I Didn’t Do Today!) and tracking those achievements starts to help rebuild the brain’s perception of what we can achieve.

The helplessness and hopelessness things we get stuck in is phenomenal, but I personally always found that writing those small achievements down, having written goals that I could work towards each day (realistic, achievable stuff!) was really helpful at helping rewire that mindset over time.

I appreciate your input. I guess the question is when will I accept that I am deeply depressed. I had hope that it was going away and then it hit me again. I have been battling the beast for decades, I feel completely worn out. I know I have to change my expectations of myself. I am finding showering and getting out of the lying position an achievement. It is very hard to accept.

 

[Susan Jane]

Remember our brains lie to us.

You have left it. You've made progress before.

That's not usual. Give yourself a break.

Yet you are here now relating to us.

I think @Sideways came up with a good suggestion with having a shower.

The small things matter.

Showers
A meal
Posting here to let us know how e are doing.
Changing sheets.
Some Self Compassion - Kristin Neff's website has free guided self compassion talks.

And know that you are not alone. I've hit the deck and I am down for the count. I am, mostly, not managing the basics. I am writing the complaints about the Insurance Company's negligence and fraud. I am talking to a statutory body. I am researching for a new psychiatrist. Having a shower is one of my achievements at the moment.

Thank you, that’s one of the challenges realizing that I am not alone. I feel so alone and I live alone, socializing is out of the question right now. I feel so guilty about being depressed. I feel my friends have heard enough of it. I’m really struggling this morning. Showering is one of mine as well. I really need to change my sheets!

 

[ms spock]

Thank you, that’s one of the challenges realizing that I am not alone.

It really is a challenge to realise that you are not alone. I really get that.

I feel so alone and I live alone, socializing is out of the question right now.

I don't know if you can walk. Not socialising but sitting in a park, a library or a mall. Just so you are around. If not useful please ignore.

I feel so guilty about being depressed.

It is hard being depressed again.

I feel my friends have heard enough of it.

You are brave because you have told your friends.

I’m really struggling this morning.

I am feeling for you.

Showering is one of mine as well.

You are not alone on this one.

I really need to change my sheets!

I have some purple sheets. What colour are your sheets

 

[Susan Jane]

It really is a challenge to realise that you are not alone. I really get that.


I don't know if you can walk. Not socialising but sitting in a park, a library or a mall. Just so you are around. If not useful please ignore.


It is hard being depressed again.


You are brave because you have told your friends.

I am feeling for you.


You are not alone on this one.

I have some purple sheets. What colour are your sheets

My sheets are white. Bad color probably

 

[Susan Jane]

I have another question. When depression gets heavy and getting out of bed is impossible…how do you break free. I have hit the horizontal position for over 4 weeks again. My mind says get up, but the thought of a shower and going out keeps me pinned down. Funny enough if I have a doctor’s appointment I manage to make myself presentable and go, normally not showered but I brush my teeth. It’s pure hell waiting in the waiting area. I have not been forthcoming with my dark thoughts. I say I have been in bed and am having dark thoughts but I don’t expand on my true thoughts. I think I am scared they will put me in a locked ward. How do you all handle this stuff? I’m on so much medication I think I should be fixed. Sometimes I want to stop taking all of it and see how I feel.

 

[ms spock]

My sheets are white. Bad color probably

I have white sheets as well. I like them as well.

 

[ms spock]

I have another question. When depression gets heavy and getting out of bed is impossible…how do you break free.

I think it is different for every person.

Can you go and stay away with a friend for a few days?

Do you have a list of what might possibly help at this time?

I have hit the horizontal position for over 4 weeks again.

You've mentioned friends @PlainJane. Who else is in you circle? Doctors, therapists, counsellors, groups etc?

My mind says get up, but the thought of a shower and going out keeps me pinned down.

Can you break it down to the smallest action you can do?

Sit up?

Can you get and just go outside for five minutes?

Or have a shower and go back to bed?

Watch some Kristen Neff's videos?

Open a window?

Read a book?

Do one thing?

Funny enough if I have a doctor’s appointment I manage to make myself presentable and go, normally not showered but I brush my teeth.

That's a good start. Can you go more often?

It’s pure hell waiting in the waiting area.

That's a difficult thing and you are doing it.

I have not been forthcoming with my dark thoughts.

Are you able to keep yourself safe?

I say I have been in bed and am having dark thoughts but I don’t expand on my true thoughts. I think I am scared they will put me in a locked ward.

Is this a fear? Has this ever happened to you?

If you talk about these dark thoughts can you make an agreement not to act on them?

How do you all handle this stuff?

So do you have phone numbers to ring? Helplines? Extra counselling?

You are reaching out here that is good. It might be time to ring your friends?

I’m on so much medication I think I should be fixed.

You are really down on yourself for having a relapse. "Should" be fixed. It doesn't work that way. I am not doing well either. You are not alone with having a relapse.

Medication is tricky and can take fine tuning.

Sometimes I want to stop taking all of it and see how I feel.

Whatever you do don't come off medication/s whilst you are in a can't get out of bed stage. Without proper medical advice it can make things so much worse.

In my experience medication needs to be titrated down once you have routines in place, getting up, eating, exercising, socialising, sleeping, social connection and a period of stability etc

Before you start going off your medications ring your friends or go to hospital to be monitored.

It can be really dangerous.

Please ignore all that is not useful.

 

[Susan Jane]

I think it is different for every person.

Can you go and stay away with a friend for a few days?

Do you have a list of what might possibly help at this time?

You've mentioned friends @PlainJane. Who else is in you circle? Doctors, therapists, counsellors, groups etc?


Can you break it down to the smallest action you can do?

Sit up?

Can you get and just go outside for five minutes?

Or have a shower and go back to bed?

Watch some Kristen Neff's videos?

Open a window?

Read a book?

Do one thing?

That's a good start. Can you go more often?

That's a difficult thing and you are doing it.

Are you able to keep yourself safe?

Is this a fear? Has this ever happened to you?

If you talk about these dark thoughts can you make an agreement not to act on them?

So do you have phone numbers to ring? Helplines? Extra counselling?

You are reaching out here that is good. It might be time to ring your friends?

You are really down on yourself for having a relapse. "Should" be fixed. It doesn't work that way. I am not doing well either. You are not alone with having a relapse.

Medication is tricky and can take fine tuning.

Whatever you do don't come off medication/s whilst you are in a can't get out of bed stage. Without proper medical advice it can make things so much worse.

In my experience medication needs to be titrated down once you have routines in place, getting up, eating, exercising, socialising, sleeping, social connection and a period of stability etc

Before you start going off your medications ring your friends or go to hospital to be monitored.

It can be really dangerous.

Please ignore all that is not useful.

Thank you I have rung my friends and it’s hard on them. They can’t really do anything. They are concerned so I am going to the doctor today and tell her the truth. I hope she will have some tips on how to get through this very tough period. My problem is acceptance. I want it gone. Perhaps that is the key. I wake up anxious and confused and I feel like I can’t handle another day of it thus the dark thoughts. I want to live, but not like this. This episode started in February and it’s been hell. Thanks for your input @ms spock