I thought talking was supposed to help


I think prior to releasing the memories is the processes of understanding how to create a safe place for yourself. Learning how to ground. This is critical before you start playing around with throwing memories around because they can be overwhelming. Many times they ARE overwhelming, which is what you are experiencing, it sounds like, right now.

Grounding is a way of being able to bring your body/mind back together again. Where breathing is calm-ish, heart rate is under control. Physical processes are not hyper or hypo. The fight/flight/freeze/fawn response is not overwhelming. This is what therapists generally teach us. How to keep within our window of tolerance.

If you can't get a therapist, I would suggest looking up window of tolerance. Understanding how to ground. Understanding the 4 F's (Pete Walker) and why these memories are being released, how to control them some, and knowing when and how to back off of them. Also, undetrstanding how the body responds when these memories start to come up. Understand how the nervous system is affected (Irene Lyon). How to calm it. Learn what the inner critic is and that it needs to be tamed before you delve into your psyche and the horrors it may contain. Learn about self care and try to dip your toes into that concept.

If you don't have those skills down, I highly suggest you get a hold of a professional that understands them. Who will help you to ease your body into this trauma shit. You need love and kindness and a caring (stand in) parental type who can hold you through this process until you can stand on your own with it. The core framework in all of this is learning self compassion. NOT gaining gross and overwhelming memories.