Relationship I Threatened To Go To His Commanding Officer.

[Lilmssunshine]

His sex drive is completely abnormal. He crosses boundaries. Tonight he impulsively said sexual unduendos to my mom. I showed him the pictures I have of his company and battalion info. I told him if he gets help on his own and prove it then I won't go to his commanding officer. There's more here going on than PTSD possibly. Possibly brain injury or bi polar disorder. I put my foot down. He needs help!!!!!

 

[Neverthesame]

Good, while there is some "baggage" one needs to put up with when in a relationship with someone with PTSD. I don't think him making a pass at your mum in front of you, is in any way acceptable behaviour.

Good on you, putting your foot down.

 

[Friday]

Um... Any CO I've ever known would laugh you out of his office if you went to him saying your husband is making sexual innuendos at inappropriate times. If you're not married? He could be banging 1,000 women lined up in the town square with video feed & his CO wouldn't give a rats ass.

What you're proposing is spiteful at best.

It also won't get him any kind of help. It will get you laughed at, and him told to keep his crazy wife/GF the f*ck up outta his boss's space at best, and at worst given punishment detail & a shit ton of stress for wasting CO's time first for having to deal with your nonsense, and secondly for having to take the time to chew him out.

 

[Neverthesame]

@FridayJones This is how you can tell I wasn't in the army. :wideeyed:

 

[Friday]

COs essentially have the power of God over their soldiers, sailors, marines. Spouses know this and occasionally try to invoke those god-like powers over their partners. It usually backfires.

As a general rule of thumb, whether or not something is appropriate to bring to a commanding officer? Is if it would be appropriate to call 911 for. Even then, there are usually far better options; chaplains office, wives club, veterans crisis line, etc. Taking anything up the chain of command? Is a nuclear option of extreme last resort.

Another way to look at it is... If your spouse works at Starbucks, would you go tell his manager XYZ? In nearly all cases... Only if you were trying to get them fired.

 

[Fadeaway]

Innuendos to your mother is clearly not acceptable. Is that the first time he has done that with anyone that you are aware of? Is it chronic problem?

Given what @FridayJones has said, there has to be a better way to set a boundary.

 

[Sweetpea76]

As a former military spouse, I echo what @FridayJones says... don't be that chick. Only the biggest pain in the ass spouses/girlfriends go to the CO. Everybody thinks they can "make" their man behave... and they honestly don't care how they are treating their women as long as they aren't beating them, raping them, or banging a higher up's wife (basically anything punishable by law).

The only way I'd go through COC is if you think he is going to start raping or molesting somebody.

He may need help, but he won't get it there.

 

[Lilmssunshine]

It's helping so far. I made a deal with him I won't go to his commanding officer if he gets help. He is motivated to get help for once. I had to do something. He has also impulsevly spoke about sex in front of a child. He has called my friend before and did the same thing he did to my mom. He is going to send me photos and documents stating he got help. I'm doing what I have to do. He needs help.

 

[Lilmssunshine]

There's a lot more problems I haven't said here.

 

[Ronin]

... Or his needs are simpler, fella needing to get laid and / or let the steam off in some other way and the most coming to mind being sex (it doesn't even have to be sexual or about sexuality. It's also a physical & mental relief.), that he communicates needs in a way you read as 'sexual predator! Let's run for the hills! And report him to his chain of command while at it!' is a different thing.

So what is he actually saying by his behavior, have you talked with him about that before assuming?

 

[Lilmssunshine]

He said he wanted attention.

 

[Neverthesame]

Attention?

He's got a funny way of asking for it.

What ever happened to buying the girlfriend flowers, or chocolates, or dinner?
A little cliché I know, but still. Hitting on the girls mum? Huh.

If your plan must work the first time, I guess that's sure to work. :facepalm: