I Told My Gp... And I'm Scared Now :(

[Lucycat]

I should get a letter this week with date and time for the face to face assessment with a psychologist...

Did you get the letter yet?

I'm not sure how I'm feeling now.. Numb I guess. But after the assessment there will probably be another wait for the actual therapy to start anyway...probably even a bit longer wait, right?

I don't know how long a gap between assessment and therapy. Everywhere is different. Some don't assess unless they can offer therapy. Others will do the assessment and then prioritise, so how long you wait is determined by the urgency of your need in comparison with others who are waiting.

Don't get to hung up on it. Now you have started the process, you are 'in the system'. One step at a time.

 

[Muruluisku]

Thank you so much Lucy for staying with me for every step of the way. I haven't got the letter yet... Maybe early next week then.

I think in a way I am glad about the wait, it allows me time to work up the courage to finally start talking/working on things when a place comes available to me.
And thank you for sharing your experiences about the system around getting into therapy. It seems the processes and routes to it vary greatly.

<3: Muru

 

[Muruluisku]

So, when I got home last night the dreaded letter was waiting for me... The assessment is on 11th Feb.

I got to stop worrying somehow as it's two weeks to go still!! But I haven't been able to go to sleep at all tonight :(

I got some sleeping pills from my GP. He said they should relax me and help me fall asleep but he couldn't give me anything that would take the nightmares away.

They seem at least help me stop the vicious cycle where I get more anxious every night and eventually start avoiding sleeping...I can't take them every night though because they are addictive, so I take them if I had a nightmare the night before, so that I dare to go to sleep. I took them last night though, so shouldn't take them again..

<3: Muru

 

[digger]

Really glad you got your letter and that you're not having to wait too long for the initial appointment :) Does the letter give you any information on what to expect from the assessment?

 

[Muruluisku]

Not really... It says the appointment would be up to 90mins long. Why would it take that long, I don't have to tell her everything,do I?!

<3: Muru

 

[digger]

Why would it take that long, I don't have to tell her everything,do I?!

No, you don't have to tell her everything, but obviously the more information you are,able to share with her, the more appropriate her recommendations for treatment will be. You don't have to go into details with her at all if you don't wish to - as she probably won't be the person you actually see as your therapist - you can instead tell her the types of things that have affected you. If you want to give her more details though, that's okay too.

I imagine the length of appointment is because it gives her plenty of time to both assess you and talk through the various options available to you. It also allows time for you to feel a bit more comfortable to talk and takes a bit of pressure of you to get it all out in a short space of time.

Remember though, that you are there by choice, if you feel you have said all that needs saying and want to leave before the 90mins, you can say that.

 

[Lucycat]

Nah! It is just because they are very slow at listening and writing! Take the whole thing at your pace. This is your time- make the most of it! 90 minutes is no time at all. Don't worry about that and concentrate on where to go for a coffee afterwards!

 

[Lucycat]

It is not 90 minutes of pressure it is 90 minutes of opportunity!

 

[cherryblossom]

I really don't think he/she will be expecting you to talk details. They understand that to do that takes time to build up trust. I'm sure just a really brief summary will suffice.

They will be assessing how it affects you, day to day. What symptoms you have (depression, anxiety, insomnia - whatever), how it impacts your life. They will likely want to talk about whether you have any thoughts of suicide, or self harm. Perhaps also look a little bit into your lifestyle, such as who you have around you for support, whether you put on a brave face and appear the life and soul of the party, or whether you rarely leave the house. Also whether you use drink or drugs, and any other health problems you have. If you have other things going on, such as financial troubles, housing issues, problems in relationships, bereavements, work trouble, victimisation, difficulty with children or parents, etc, etc.

Remember, this is not a therapy session, it is an assessment /evaluation, so they can decide where to go next, and arrange the right sort of help for you. It's not so much about your feelings and emotions, more about gathering the facts. They want to get to know a bit more about you.

Please don't stress about it. I'm sure they allow 90 minutes for everyone, and some people will need all that time, others won't. Some people have massively complicated situations, which might take ages to discuss, other's less so.

Don't over think it. Don't worry about what if's (What if they ask this, what if they ask that). There's no right or wrong answers, it's not a test, just try to be as honest as you can be. The only thing you might want to have in your head is one phrase to get you out of something you don't want to or can't answer, a stalling technique - "I find that really difficult to talk about", and if they push you on it - "can we come back to that later?"

Good luck ;)

 

[Muruluisku]

Thanks for your encouragement and advice about the assessment *safe hugs*

I'm not sure how I'm feeling... A lot if the time I feel numb, or cut off... I find it hard to name feelings when I feel them, so if I'm not feeling numb I get overwhelmed with feelings that I'm not sure what they mean or what to do with myself to make them go away.

I'm grateful for the support that you kind and caring people give me, because I think that if I ever told my friends in real life, they would run a mile from me. And I can't talk to my family because too much of my childhood and bad memories are unclear, I don't want to discover that the rest of my family knew about the abuse, cause that would just break me...

I'm so confused a lot of the time :(
<3: Muru

 

[bluebird]

Muru, *hugs, a lot of hugs, just so you won´t feel alone*, it was very hard to believe it for me, but amongst all the friends I told there was nobody who would have run away from me... No one stopped loving me. Some helped a lot, some less - but there wasn´t one single person who would have turned away and blame me. I didn´t believe them, either... But now I am starting to believe in their love for me. It could have never been your fault. You are not bad. No matter what happened in the past, you are good and pure. Always. You were hurt, but it didn´t crush you in pieces, you are strong and beautiful and you always, always remain a good person :affection:

I know that "numb" feeling too, guess it is really kind of - easier... and I am so sorry about your struggling with family... I hope it will be better than you worry. Do you have a relative - maybe a cousin of your age - who you think definitely didn´t know? It would may be less difficult to open up to her...

Please, just remember, no matter what, no matter what memories come, no matter how anyone reacted in the past, it doesn´t change you, you are good... always... *the safest hug you can imagine*

<3

 

[Muruluisku]

Thank you Bluebird for your kind words and all the hugs.

To be honest, I can't see myself telling anyone in real life...just speaking out loud the horrible things would be so difficult... But, maybe if I get into therapy in a few months, and I'll get used to talking about it (if it's at all possible) then, maybe then.

But for now I'll talk to you guys, because you feel safe, and caring, and seem to understand me whatever horrible things I share.

<3: Muru