I Told My Therapist I Need To Be In The Hospital

[Justmehere]

I've told my therapist twice this week that I need to be in the hospital. I couldn't even fully tell her why. Both times she just basically said to use more skills to cope and contact her for support more often. I've done both. I can't handle trying to reach out to her anymore and I'm filled with very dark sucidial thoughts. I don't have the courage to tell her how much I'm struggling. I'm terrified she will quit. I'm so tired of struggling. I don't drink but I'm seriously temped to start. Everything feels so intense, so impulsive. I am trying to get through the next 30 seconds. This past week has been the anniversary of three massage traumas so my therapist keeps saying get past this week and it will get better. It's Friday and I'm worse than ever. Two weeks ago, I was ok. I don't know what to do when I can't muster up the courage to contact my therapist. I called a crisis line but before I could even state why I was calling they asked if I was suicidial and I said I have thoughts of that and they said then go to the ER and then quickly ended the call and hung up. If I go to the ER they will call her.

Mostly, I just want a break from the hell of PTSD for one hour, just one damn hour.

 

[Momofthree]

Don't drink. Please go to the ER. I would rather you end up there when you don't need it then find out you drank, blacked out, and then took your own life. Please don't worry about what your T will think, say, or do. Get the help you need now.

 

[joeylittle]

@Justmehere, are you also diagnosed with Borderline? I'm sorry for asking, I honestly can't remember.

she just basically said to use more skills to cope and contact her for support more often. I've done both. I can't handle trying to reach out to her anymore and I'm filled with very dark sucidial thoughts. I don't have the courage to tell her how much I'm struggling. I'm terrified she will quit.

Don't be afraid to tell her how much you are struggling; she might be telling you to use skills because you aren't letting her see where you're really at, and she's not a mind reader. Reach out. Use her.

And if you really just can't, then go to the hospital. It's the best thing to do when you think you can't keep yourself safe. There's no shame in it, and your therapist won't think badly of you at all. She'd want you to do whatever you need to do, whether that's lean on her or go to the ER.

Can you try a distraction, a simple one, or some self-soothing?

 

[Anarchy]

@Justmehere If you find that you can't put your thoughts into speech right now, just ask your T to read the post here. perhaps even send her a text, saying something like "help! can't manage to speak, pls read Justmehere post on myptsd site then call me"

Big hug

 

[Justmehere]

@Momofthree - I think I just may go to the ER soon. I don't know that they can do anything other than stop me from hurting me, but I feel like I need that right now. I'm scaring me.

@Justmehere, are you also diagnosed with Borderline? I'm sorry for asking, I honestly can't remember.

I actually asked her that question myself this week! She said no. She was actually quite adamant that she doesn't think I'm borderline at all. So that makes me even more confused about her response.

I do have a lot of self soothing skills and ideas - I don't know why they are not really working and why I'm hanging on so badly. I'm so tired.

@Anarchy - I think I may actually send her something of what I've written here. I wonder if I am more clear here than I am with her.

Thanks for the suggestions everyone.

 

[Justmehere]

Seems stupid that I said I think need to be in the hospital - I made it three days - I'm still a mess but it I made it three days why can't I just pull through and make it another? It feels like everything is crashing in on me inside. I'm trying to stay away from home where I'm more overwhelmed but not likely to hurt myself. It hurts. Everything hurts. I feel like I'm just whining but then my head gets so dark and so desperate. I really was ok two weeks ago. :( :/

 

[joeylittle]

why can't I just pull through and make it another?

Sometimes it's too hard, is all. Don't judge yourself for it; you're at where you're at. I think it's really great that you send something to your therapist - it's so easy to not actually say what we think we are saying, especially when things are dark. Just keep remembering that yes, you felt better 2 weeks ago - and you are capable of feeling better again. What's happening now is only now, it's not permanent.

 

[Momofthree]

No this isn't permanent but you need a good night sleep and a break from life. They can give you that at the hospital. Don't feel ashamed of needing that, I have been there and I am glad my friend made me go. I got a nice bed, decent food, and 24 hours of rest. I felt much better when I left then I did when I walked in.

 

[Justmehere]

Just keep remembering that yes, you felt better 2 weeks ago - and you are capable of feeling better again. What's happening now is only now, it's not permanent.

I think this might be really key. And when I think about it from my therapist perspective, she is probably thinking about how I was ok two weeks ago, and then we hit these anniversaries, the first anniversary of the worst trauma, and I'm a mess and I think she is hoping I hang on through. She keeps telling me it's gonna get better, in going to get stronger, now is time to rest.

No this isn't permanent but you need a good night sleep and a break from life. They can give you that at the hospital. Don't feel ashamed of needing that

Thank you for this very good reminder. I feel so awful, like I'm failing. Which of course isn't helping....

The hospitals in my area stink. It would likely take a few days before they could get me into a psych unit. A few days in the ER. Waiting. That's probably part of why my T doesn't want me to go there. Yet I'm close to the point where it's that or worse. I think I'm going to call my T, leave her a message, and pack a bag to go.

 

[Momofthree]

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[Friday]

You don't need her permission to seek help from another source.
You don't need her approval to go to the hospital.

Those are coping skills, by the by. Asking for help before it's too late to, and being self aware enough to know that you need help.

 

[FindingMyself88]

How are you today? Did you go to the hospital?? I am thinking of you and worried about you. I hope you got the help you needed, whatever that was. You are very much so cared about by us here, please let us know if you can that you are okay!