I Tried - Worst Mistake Of My Life

[tasha07]

I tried to overdose yesterday. I had to go to hospital in an ambulance, I saw my mum bawling her eyes out. I got treated and then released, then they sent out a notification to police to go to my home and bring me back, they did, for no reason.

I feel so shakey today. I am devastated that it got to this for me, I never want to be this desperate again. How does anyone recover from c PTSD and alcohol abuse. Just devastated today.

 

[mary1979]

Sending huge hugs to you xxxx


Baby steps. There's no other way.
Tell yourself, each day sober is another day closer to the clear thinking version of you.

The alcohol exasperates every last symptom of PTSD to the point you cant tell where the problem starts and the symptoms end in between the drinks.


Take every last bit of help and support your attempt will see you offered.
You're gonna need it all xx

 

[KwanYingirl]

@tasha07 thank goodness you are still here. There is no magic answer to your questions. You will definitely need a trauma therapist to help guide you with your PTSD. And of course you have support here. As far as alcohol abuse, I was finally able to get sober when I went to AA meetings. The best people in the world. It takes a desire to stop drinking. And it takes time. Perhaps you could do something as an impatient at a facility that can address your dual diagnosis. It would give you a safe place to clear out the cobwebs in your brain. Life is worth fighting for. You can feel better. You can't do it alone. Isolation is the evil devil
On your shoulder. Ignore him.

 

[Friday]

How does anyone recover? Slowly.

Strong 2nd for a dual-diagnosis treatment center for a few months if you can get into one.

 

[bon]

I'm sorry to hear that tasha07. I know what it's like to be that desperate. If you saw your mum bawling take comfort knowing that someone cares about you and would be sad if you weren't here.

Do you have a psychologist or a professional helping you?

I was in and out of hospital for years due to c ptsd and alcohol abuse. It's really horrible and i never want to return to that cycle. I'm sure you've been told that alcohol makes things worse. It took me years to finally stop drinking. I found replacing drinking with something else helped. I started doing exercise after losing my license due to a DUI which was extremely embarrassing but probably the best thing that happened to me.

Getting out the door is the hardest part but I've never come home from exercise feeling worse than when i left. I really understand and sympathize with you. It is so hard getting out of this horribly deep dark hole of depression. I'm still finding it incredibly isolating and at times a daily struggle but feelings (or nothing for that matter) lasts forever.

Try drinking soft drink (I know it sucks) and going for a walk or swim or whatever you like instead of drinking alcohol. Tell yourself you're desperate enough to try anything so try this for a month and see how you feel. Do you think you try that even just one day?

Be kind to yourself. Please let me know how you are going.
Bon

 

[Killashandra]

Hugs to you and understanding too.
This is what I do if I need to just release.. I call lifeline. That's what they're there for. Personally I am in a bind in that department due to the small town thing.. I actually know one of the volunteers, he is a client of mine at work, which makes me less inclined to call. But they are trained and will listen.
I totally understand how devastating it can be and how lost we feel. If you need to talk pm me if you want.
And I agree with Mary79 a therapist that specializes in ptsd would be most beneficial. CASA if it was child abuse that caused your Ptsd, will help find someone suitable and the Dr can give you medicare vouchers to see a psych so you don't have to pay.
It is just one day at a time sometimes one hour at a time. If we can make it through then that's one hour less we have to worry about.
You are needed and wanted here. We need you. If we as sufferers stick together then we can make it through. It's bloody tough though.
But it's nice and comforting to know we aren't going through this alone. Our truth is our personal truth. No one has been through exactly the same thing to get us where we are and it's painful and it hurts. But we're not alone babe.
Big hugs killa.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

@tasha07
I am so very, very sorry you were in that desperate place.
I and I'm sure many others here have been there and I would not wish that hellish place on anyone.
There is no easy path to recovery. I don't want to even use the word recovery. How about we replace that with manage the symptoms of ....
It helps me to remind myself that I already lived through it all and so did you. You are a survivor and survivors are warriors. You are a Warrior!
You might not feel much like one at the moment but a Warrior you are. Take it easy on yourself and think about self compassion.
Sometimes that's where it starts by saying to yourself what you would say to a friend.
Don't beat yourself up over what you can't change. You can't change the past. Yesterday is in the past. Right now, you can say "self, it's time we became friends"
It's work hon, no doubt about it and it takes *sighs* honestly I can't say how long it takes but I can say it's time well spent.
Get some rest and post here as much as you need to. I hope you have a therapist, if not, when you're ready start looking.

Peace .... Something we all deserve.

 

[Seasounds]

Glad you are here. That was a lot to go through. Sorry. As you said, you have a lot on your plate. (I believe) you were doing your best. Give that compassionate acknowledgment to yourself. And with that experience under your belt, when you are ready, you can make new and/or different choices (like those mentioned above by other members) to continue to move forward. Truly, one step at a time.

If I were to pass on something that I do for myself, that has helped: it has been to notice when I am isolating, and then make a phone call to someone, or go someplace where I can be with people, in a caring atmosphere. Certain 12 step meetings can be a great place. One of the things I've learned that keeps people alive, is knowing that someone cares about them and being in touch with them.

You are important, and I care about you!:hug:

 

[Casey_03]

The silver lining of this is the fact that you have now gotten to the point where you can say "I never want to be this desperate again." You realized you want to heal, you want to live. That's no small feat. I know you are probably feeling like crap about this, but don't -- be glad that you survived and that your mum now knows the depths of your pain. For some people, this is exactly the sort of thing that has to happen in order for things to change. You've probably heard the saying that alcoholics need to "hit bottom" before they can really heal? Let this be your bottom, use it as fuel to move forward and never let yourself get this desperate again. And don't beat yourself up over this -- you did what many of us have done and you did so for understandable reasons. There is no shame in it.

 

[tasha07]

wow thankyou everyone, I don't know what responses I was expecting but what a relief that everyone is so understanding. Mary1979 is so true, with alcohol and cPTSD I can't tell where the problem starts and the symptoms end, its just like a tornado ploughing through me. KwanYinGirl I have tried AA for the alcohol, only the anxiety I have, I just pretty much have a panic attack for the entire duration of the meeting dreading if I have to talk, stops me from going to as many as I would like to but I manage a couple a week.

Thanks Bon, I do have a psychologist - been over a year, I think I just got to the point where I could see no improvement and just thought, I can't live like this anymore, its not even living. I will try exercising more, even just a brisk walk with the ducks by the lake might be nice, just to get me out of the house abit more.

Alice.in.Wonderland - yes it is just managing the symptoms, it hit me pretty hard when my phsychologist told me there is no cure, you just learn to manage the symptoms and they wont be as severe as they are, I'm still not convinced though, I have read a lot of neuroscience journals about how the brain can generate new neurons and neural pathways. People who have been in accidents with head injuries and damage, their brains are able to compensate for what is damaged and create pathways around the damage, so they can regain some lost function. Its not 100% from what I have a read but I cling onto this hope that science is ever evolving and it won't bel like this forever for me. But your right, right now all I can do is manage, every second of every day and try to get through it.

Casey_03 thankyou for your kind words, yes that was the lowest point I have ever gotten to in my life. I have never thought of ending it before but somehow that day it seemed like a good idea! Just frustrated I suppose.

Thankyou everyone for your kind, loving words. I am doing ok, I have a liver ultrasound tomorrow to asses what damage / if there is damage. Fingers crossed. I am glad to be alive. I just will keep putting the pieces of my life back together. One second, One day at a time.