I Want To Be Free To Have Flowers On My Balcony....

[yes]

My abuser is a biologyst. He loved so much flowers and plants and animals (funny,huh?). Well the problem is that flowers and plants are such a trigger for me. But I want to be free to have flowers.....It feels like I have been robbed of a joy. And it is true. How do I deal with that?:(

 

[Casey_03]

You can try to view flowers and plants as a symbol of overcoming abuse rather than as a trigger. I mean, when you say it's a trigger for you, I have no idea how bad, but maybe you can learn to make yourself immune to the trigger by viewing flowers and plants as a symbol of you taking the power back from your abuser. Because, honestly, how dare he take that joy from you -- don't let him. They don't have to serve as a reminder of him and his abuse; they can serve as a reminder of how you overcame it all. And if you aren't quite ready for that now, perhaps that is something to work towards.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@yes Certain flowers are a trigger for me. Funeral flowers like roses, lilies, and some with strong smells. Goes back to when my grandmother died when I was 10. My mother would march me up to the casket and make me KISS my grandmother. 2 times a day for 5 days and nights. It was the first time dealing with death. Never knew how cold and stiff a body was... Do now!!!!

Having flowers around you for very short periods of time will help. Maybe just standing outside a flower shop at first. Doing that for awhile and then possible just going to the door. Eventually going in...

I don't mind looking at flowers, it's the smell that sends me right back to the funeral. Flashback city!!!!

 

[yes]

Thank you Casey. I wish so much to be able to look at flowers and not think of him. I am suffering a lot. I lost not only this. I Lost my peace. I lost my strength and I lost myself and the joy of simple life. I lost many things. I want them back.

 

[yes]

Thank you shecat. I will try.

 

[aut555]

That's so hard. I can understand your frustration. I draw flowers with color pencils. Could you do something to expose yourself to your trigger in small doses. This is stupid, but just humor me here. How about going to Michels or Hobby Lobby and stand in the fake flower section for 10 mins. for a week. Then increase to 15 mins. for a week. Then buy the prettiest most expensive ones there and take them home. Put them in a place you feel comfortable. And just acknowledge how much you like them daily. Or maybe come up with a therapy plan that is along these lines. I hope that you create a new good association with flowers to override the not so pleasant one you have now. Much luck, we are here to listen and support your progress.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

 

[PTSDfree]

Are there any plants or even spices/veggies/fruits that he didn't like? Growing those might help you ease into growing flowers. :hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Can you google image flowers as a way of exposure therapy and then maybe build up to flowers in a park?

How do you handle flowers outside? Where i am there are unaboidable so thays why i was asking.

 

[yes]

It is just that.....even if I will be able one day to but some flowers...they are linked to him. Maybe cyclamens are not. I will try with some cyclamens as they are due soon.

I just want him out of my head. How I wish I never ever met him. So triggered today. Lots of flashbacks. It hurts so much.

 

[Sideways]

Would it help to start with plants, herbs and flowers that have a spiritual meaning? For example, Rosemary has subtle small purple flowers, and has long been considered to have protective qualities. I find that when I plant flowers for their specific spiritual qualities, that meaning overrides pretty much anything, and they're a constant reminder of the spiritual quality that I was trying to invoke. Even flower colours can be important - white flowers typically help cleanse and purify, pink flowers assist with friendship (including making friends with ourself).

Picking flowers that have a spiritual quality that you don't especially link to your trauma or abuser could be a soothing way to get into plants. If you have particular flowers that you do kinda like, do a bit of internet searchkng to see if they have a spiritual quality that you can associate with them to give them an even stronger positive quality when you're around them.

Some are very pungent - lavender brings calm. But some aren't, like a small buxus hedge for self-empowerment.

 

[aut555]

Would it help to start with plants, herbs and flowers that have a spiritual meaning? For exampl...

Such a beautiful reply. Maybe growing herbs like mint and dill will get you back into plants. When you use them for cooking.