I want to be hit by people who love me

[Strangelongtrip]

Steroids make my emotions allll over the place. I react horribly to them. Even cortisone steroid shots. It's like super high highs to low lows. I have no good advice, I'm still struggling with "if you love me you must hurt me" but you're not alone!

 

[EveHarrington]

Seems like maybe you are seeking control? If I’m off, please disregard. Here are my thoughts:

If love means the predictable pain and being hit, it’s patterned, predictable, expected. Just like refusing to leave - you are seeking your way of love over another’s way. A way that might be new and confusing and not always what you expect. Plus, by being abused again, you don’t have to grieve that you didn’t deserve the pain of the past. By begging for punishment, you try to resolve the conflict with a black and white solution where you are all bad and getting what you deserve when in health conflict resolution, one has to sit with a lot less black and white realities and discomforts. You also don’t ever have to grieve the loss of your father.

Perhaps this would shift if you gain a sense of control and predictability in other ways.
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Very insightful.

I think you hit the bullseye because I’m now crying.

I’m trying to grieve the loss of my dad. It’s not easy.

So, then if you look at this broadly, maybe there are tips about how to stop a craving that will work fo you in this situation?

Dead Link Removed
Here’s an article about craving violence.

Thank you.

It’s not going to be easy to break this craving.

It’s in my psych record that I hit myself as a form of SI.......but guess where this form of SI started? In EFT. Or maybe it’s not exactly EFT, I can’t remember. A past therapist taught me about tapping and the chakras. The first one was my forehead, I think we also did my chest? Anyway, I tap my forehead to calm down, but sometimes it goes further and goes into full blown hitting. My ex or whatever he is right now oftentimes grabs my hands so that I stop. I wish I never learned about tapping because I ended up taking it too far. I stopped the cutting, the burning, and mostly the binging (still occasionally relapse), but I still do the hitting. Stopping the violence against myself isn’t going to be easy.

I don’t want to be this way anymore.

 

[Justmehere]

I’m trying to grieve the loss of my dad. It’s not easy.

No, it's not. :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

Having a "new feeling" is a good way to describe it and it is completely unsettling to have a new feeling, especially if it is a positive or warm feeling. Sitting with the feelings and observing them does help, but I had to have the desire for a new life-- new life , new feelings.

My therapy homework is to sit with feelings and not act on them.

I am failing miserably.

But, I am trying.

I don’t know if anyone in my life can understand this struggle.

My (ex?)guy couldnt handle knowing my struggle. He doesn’t understand my desire to be hit. I think that telling him hurt him because he’s not like that and would never physically hurt me.

 

[Justmehere]

My therapy homework is to sit with feelings and not act on them.

The good thing about this? The feelings will get worse at first (not the good part) but then they usually shift and change and get better. Urge surfing, a CBT technique, and techniques in somatic experiencing are built on this reality. When I first tried to do it, I could only do it a minute at a time. Now, with someone else, I can do it longer, by myself is still hard, but it's getting better. But I can validate it's hard, especially because it feels pretty awful, especially at the start. Don't give up!

 

[Freida]

It’s not going to be easy to break this craving.

Stopping the violence against myself isn’t going to be easy.

This. ^^^ You know this -- you have identified the problem. That's half the battle. Now the work starts to change those deep seated beliefs. But I have faith in you -- you can do this.

 

[IceQueencop]

I don’t want to be this way anymore.

@EveHarrington - write this down ^
Put it some place you will see it often. Expand on it. Be specific about what you don’t want, and try to replace that with something you do want. Look into self-compassion. Treat yourself as respectfully and kindly and gently as you would treat a friend who has gone through what you have.

 

[PointlessExistence]

Have you explored BDSM? It can be very therapeutic, and there need not be a sexual component.

 

[hithere]

my guy couldn't deal with it either...
this may sound bad but it helped me and I'm not suggesting it, just telling you what happened. I went got a deep tissue massage and the woman put bruises on me. I wept, and went with the feelings and it sure seemed like memories were leaving my body. As I nursed the pain from the bruises for a few days I just sat in those feelings but some how I was reprogramming my brain and I have no idea how. It's just like it happened on it's own. So went back to that same massage therapist about 5 times. Each time I had similar response but not as strong. The final one I was like, whoa, this massage hurts you gotta go lighter, so the progression had gotten better. I know something got worked out in my brain from it. I told the MT don't worry about me sniffling and crying, I'm OK, I just had a bad day. So again this may be bad, I think it helped me. I haven't had that intense drive to be hit by my lover really in a long time.
Sorry you are failing at sitting with the feelings.

 

[IceQueencop]

this may sound bad but it helped me and I'm not suggesting it, just telling you what happened. I went got a deep tissue massage and the woman put bruises on me

@hithere - I’m not sure why you think that sounds bad. It sounds to me like you found a way to re-wire your brain. You’re probably right about it not being the way to go for everyone, but it worked for you, and sharing that may help others.
Best, IQC

 

[EveHarrington]

Have you explored BDSM? It can be very therapeutic, and there need not be a sexual component.

No, I am not going there. It only feeds into my desires and makes them stronger.

 

[EveHarrington]

my guy couldn't deal with it either...
this may sound bad but it helped me and I'm not suggesting it, just telling you what happened. I went got a deep tissue massage and the woman put bruises on me. I wept, and went with the feelings and it sure seemed like memories were leaving my body. As I nursed the pain from the bruises for a few days I just sat in those feelings but some how I was reprogramming my brain and I have no idea how. It's just like it happened on it's own. So went back to that same massage therapist about 5 times. Each time I had similar response but not as strong. The final one I was like, whoa, this massage hurts you gotta go lighter, so the progression had gotten better. I know something got worked out in my brain from it. I told the MT don't worry about me sniffling and crying, I'm OK, I just had a bad day. So again this may be bad, I think it helped me. I haven't had that intense drive to be hit by my lover really in a long time.
Sorry you are failing at sitting with the feelings.

Thank you, I will consider this.