I Want To Kill...

[Ronin]

@otakujome, destructive thinking & urges & feelings are... easier to give into than to pull back from, in general. You can go whole days long about what you want to do with those people or looking for a substitute for that, but that still won't move you an inch in some more productive direction. It'd prolly be impossible to not think of them and what they do et cetera, & wouldn't be healthy, as acts stay & that they effect you as well. Though, you can focus on holding your ground and expanding your horizons. Find areas of life they can't touch, find areas they can't destroy, find what makes you so bloody good they won't ever come close and their words won't ever come close to seeing, find what gives you a moment of solace.

You're not doing them or people like them a favor if you focus on how to better your life. You're not excusing it or forgiving by living through.

And really, losers like them are not worth the effort or ruining of your life. Don't think of an option that would close multitude of doors *for you*.

 

[Ronin]

Second thoughts, @otakujome: They're not the only parents in the world.
You couldn't choose them, but you can choose who you're letting to raise you from now on. Obviously, they're going to be in your life for a while, but that means *nothing* about who'll be your parent in the formative sense.
There's one proverb about it taking a village to raise a child; it's not ever just one, two, more in case the parents are poly, people effort. It's always way more people involved, and you really don't have to let them have say on who you are as a person and what you'll do in your life.

You *do* get a choice in who is your parent. Biological parents with some are just that. Biological. But that's about as accidental as the color of your hair. Happened to be them. It's not a forever confining thing.

 

[Philippa]

In fact I just realised you are 14. No way should you be drinking.

I don't know that 'shoulds' are very helpful in this case? Where is a 14 year old kid gonna 'get himself into a programme'? He's trying to cope with what appears to be a very tough situation and isn't doing too well. You're speaking to him as though he is an adult and knows what to do in his situation, or 'should'.

Otakujome is in a lot of pain and over it...so past over it, and he's just a teenager. Pubescant angst is also a factor here, and from the sounds of it he doesn't know how to cope with the anger and homicidal tendencies he seems to be experiencing here...so alcohol, whether it is good or bad for anyone, is a way to self medicate and numb out those feelings.

It isn't the best way of course, but it really feels like his situation is one where he feels there is no escape. No one to help him, parents who are so crazy and off their heads they don't see what they are doing to him, and on top of everything else...ptsd to deal with...at 14!

I'd say alcohol consumption is probably the only thing that makes any sense TO HIM at this point...but it's only going to fuel the anger, which I'm worried will topple over at some point to some conclusion. I can see how a parent would find it objectionable, but try and put yourself in his shoes.

I think you are doing the best you can at this point otakujome, and no one can expect anything more from you than that. Just hang in there. We're here.

 

[anonymous]

This boy does not need to be told his drinking is ok. It is not and will wreck his life further. He can ask for help with his drinking problem and even at 14 he can accept some responsibility in

 

[ms spock]

Look I don't know what to say I can see what @Philippa is saying. But Anonymous is also right as well! Gosh it is so hard.

 

[Philippa]

This boy does not need to be told his drinking is ok. It is not and will wreck his life further. He can ask for help with his drinking problem and even at 14 he can accept some responsibility in

Did I say drinking is ok at his age? I think I said that he was doing the best he could with what is around him, and none of us know his situation, or how easy or not it is for him to find help with this issue. I think showing him some understanding and empathy might be a bit more helpful to just jumping down his throat telling him he 'should' do this and that he is too young for that. He doesn't need to hear that right now.

He's 14...how responsible were you at 14? You're projecting an adult opinion onto a kid and expecting him to get with the program. He doesn't need a lecture, that's for sure. You've decided he has a drinking problem when he's said earlier that it's something he does a few times a year when things get really hard. I'm sure if there was another option he might have taken it by now, don't you? Try showing some understanding.

 

[Ronin]

Speaking of drinking, @otakujome, if you absolutely have to (for whatever reason) - is there anyone that could be your sober buddy? I've gathered from your posts you don't have a good support network with your peers, though basically if you're going to drink, I'd be more worried about your drinking *alone* than the fact *that* you are drinking.
Or TL:DR I'd look into what you already do in life and how to make those activities safer & not engage in new ones that are unsafe. Improving on dysfunctional habits is hell of a work on its own but can be rather rewarding in regaining control over life, step by step.

 

[anonymous]

No he is not doing the best he can if he is drinking like that . And yes I lived through hell when I was 14 but I didn't go to drugs or drink. I pushed myself to get out of the hell. Drinking at 14 and with ptsd is not ok. Drinking at 14 is not ok. If you tell him it gives him an excuse to continue. He is in a terrible situation and unfortunately he does have to grow up too soon and make adult decisions. Any telling him poor you it is ok to drink because of this is just facilitating him.

 

[Ronin]

Please remember those options aren't options for everyone.
Afaik people here have been saying there are better options to X,Y,Z, and that there is also way to do this or that safely - that's far from saying it is a good choice to begin with, but it may certainly be better choice than doing something else that's more regretful. People have different experiences in different cultures & settings, it's that simple.
I was doing awfully many bad & regrettable things by his age, and if who has helped me out of those situations pulled this sort of judgmental stuff, I would have been gone by this point.
Help doesn't always come with angelic grace and holiness. Sometime help is digging in the life's mud together and then cleaning each other up.

 

[moonbeam]

I'm sorry you are in that situation otakujome.

Can you please explain what you mean by they took away your bathroom door key?

I'm sure you don't need me to tell you about the future or in a few years you can be free of them. That's not going to help NOW.

When I was in a bad place at your age I drank as well. In hindsight it wasn't the best coping mechanism but it also wasn't the worst I've done. Have you considered meditation or martial arts or some other way to help express your frustration and anger?

I found that when I couldn't leave my house that escaping into books was also helpful. Gave me an escape, a world they couldn't interfere with.

I am glad you are sharing your feelings on the forum. Sometimes we try to fix too much and forget that non judgemental listening is the best help. I'm not sure if you have a diary on here but you could consider starting one to help with coping in the now.

 

[anonymous]

I don't think telling him his drinking is not ok is judgemental it is stating a fact. There is an attitude on here that it is not the worst thing he could do so it is ok. I'm sure some may have got away with drinking at that age but there are others will end up ruining their lives if not dead or ruining others. Self medicating to cope on alcohol leads to alcoholics. There are plenty of other coping mechanisms, as suggested books, martial arts. Alcohol is one of the biggest killers and addictive drug in the world. That is fact. Not judgemental. Telling someone you look like you have a problem is not judgemental at 14 that amount of drink is dangerous. In fact at any age that level of binge drinking is not ok. That is not judgemental it is telling him facts. He is 14 and needs to hear how dangerous this pattern is not I did it and I got away with it, especially in his culture if he sees lots of people turning to drink to cope. There are millions whose lives are ruined by drink especially if you are using it like you are. Thee are alternatives and if he is already addicted 14 or not he needs to face it and get help to stop. If he can stop on his own great but

 

[anonymous]

And a litre of rum to get drunk is not natural tolerance that indicates,denial and someone someone who is drinking lots frequently. That level will destroy your body, your brain and you will be stuck for life with those parents you need to get away from.