I Want To Move Accross The Country & Need Insight

[falling_wave]

I interpreted the leaving as leaving the friend falling_wave is living with currently that seems to hold back. Not leaving to the other side of the country. Is this true falling_wave, because I was also not 100% sure?

Yes my T is encouraging me to leave my current housing situation not necessarily my friend and I haven't to her about wanting to move to the other side of the country yet but I will on wednesday.

There are a lot of unknowns. I kind of wish I moved there instead of here 8 years ago because I think chicago has so much of what I want to live near but I am stuck here. I get the reasons and it all really makes a lot of sense what you all are saying.

 

[falling_wave]

This is your roommate/friend you're talking about? She would cut you out of her life if you moved? That doesn't sound like what I'd call "friendship". I'm not sure what to call it, other than unhealthy and kind of scary.

Maybe she wouldn't completely. It's just my experience that she distances from me so much I can't feel any connection at all everytime she thinks I am making the wrong choice which this would be one of. She might come around after a long while but I wouldn't be living here to be around for that. I don't know if she would look for me when she is done being mad. And I also want to say that I am talking about the tough stuff here because it is my stressor but there are really a lot of really amazing things about her and I've known these dynamics for a while.

 

[falling_wave]

Have you considered how you could go about expanding your network, meeting new friends where you are, while you have the support of your T? It might be an easier thing to do with support, rather than in a new place, without support.

Yes, I am trying all her suggestions. I'm taking fitness classes, meetup groups, and getting out more. I like it sometimes I hate it others but I think it will be helpful. It just takes a while to build friendships. I think some of the stress of that is what led me to want to move and do that there rather than do it here where I don't even like living. Then again I don't know for sure I would like it there either so I have to hold onto that.

 

[WildMermaid]

@falling_wave I understand the need for flight. I fight this one regularly and as it is we're moving back to the sunshine in the next year or so. What is in Chicago that you crave? Nightlife? Art? Industry? It sounds silly but get every last bit of it out in writing. All the hopes, fears, and goals. Then with a clear head go through those writings and make a list of reasons why to stay, and another of reasons why to go. What I'm curious about is the draw to Chicago specifically and whether it is the PLACE you are wanting or a FEELING that you think will be different there. It sounds as if you are doing some very healthy things for yourself such as fitness classes, meet-ups, and such. :) If you have nothing holding you there other than your therapy then maybe packing up and going where you dream will be the best path. As everyone else has said though going with no idea of what to expect, no support network, and no therapist could trigger PTSD symptoms like mad. What about joining some forums for the area you're interested in, make some friends long distance, and also research some therapists. :) Going in blind could be scary and dangerous, but really getting down to the root of your desires may help you achieve your dreams. :hug:

 

[falling_wave]

@Glitterkitty These are some great questions AND I really appreciate you getting me thinking on this. I've been to the suburbs of Chicago once breifly and I loved it. I am from the east coast with a real city like tall buildings historical and cultural diversity and great little spots to go everywhere. It had 4 distinct seasons and I could people watch anywhere and feel like part of something. I can't go back because my family in there and too many traUma triggers. When I visited chicago it reminded me of home except it wasn't home. I absolutely love thunder and rain storms. They make me so happy no matter what is going on. I don't know why but without fail they do and they have those in chicago. Iwant to feel like I'm in a historical city and walk to get a coffee or a drink after work. I feel like I would feel more connected if if I could walk through the neighborhood and do that seeing all kinds of people doing the same. I wouldn't feel so alone. Also chicago is known for the clear river and trails for walking and hiking throughout the city which would keep me healthy and grounded and make city life balanced. Also I am an introverted intellectual and I think that makes friends hard to find where I am. Back home everyone was driven for school and achievement and appreciate deep conversations. I know chicago is similar and has a lot of the more intellectual activities like arts and theatre. That makes me think maybe I could be busy and happy sharing what I love with other people. I like the season change because something in me resets for each season and it's like a new start where I can feel better. I don't know if it's all in my mind but this what draws me. I would need to find a job so I couldn't get insurance to find a T right away. Also I'm very attached to my current T who helps me a lot and I've been getting more benefits from my jobs because I've been there a few years. I do like going to the beach sometimes here but I don't need it. I know where things are and I go to school here. I know enough of my resources that I'd probably be okay if everything failed. I also like consistency so stress could be an issue with moving. Also the expense and I don't know how I'd get my stuff to chicago. Maybe part of it too is that chicago is many different neighborhoods that are all very different and offer different attractions and feel. It's like I could walk through neighborhoods and feel like I'm in a different place. I can never afford a vacation and everything here is all the same. There's no escaping it. Im a little worried about crime in chicago but I think thats anywhere and Im a little afraid that if things change with my friend i will have put a permanent end to it because I moved. Thats all I can think of right now. That's a lot I know but that's what I'm trying to sort through right now. What do you think it is from all this?

 

[WildMermaid]

My dear it sounds like you're doing your own work of sorting and seeing what you need! :) I'll write more later-am on phone and hard to type. :hug:

 

[WildMermaid]

Sorry about that @falling_wave my phone was dying. *blush* For myself I CRAVE CRAVE CRAVE sunshine! Being up here in the cold grey for most of the year dampens my spark and because of body pain makes it very easy to fall down the deep well of depression. So my future will be in sunny climes near people I love, a broader art community, and also for me a more diverse and open spectrum of humanity. I'm bi and don't ever pretend I'm not which garners some funny looks up here. lol. I feel more myself in California and it will my home. :)

You have some very good reasons for moving and starting fresh! It sounds like this more than a passing fancy so it might be a good long term goal! :D In your heart of hearts I believe (based on your writing) that you truly do know what you want and also at least some steps to take toward it! So maybe sounding out some resumes to businesses in the Chicago metropolitan area? Also getting on some forums/communities for others with similar interests in the same state. :) I can feel your desire for living there and your words made Chicago into a place that is a lot more visceral and alive to me now! I'm eager to read of your plans! :hug:

 

[falling_wave]

@WildMermaid (btw I like the new name) that's funny that we all have certain wheather that makes us happier. I don't like rain all the time, that would get old but I like variety. It does sound like California may be what you are looking for but san Francisco Bay area is more artsy than san diego. I like your idea about making it a long term goal. If I meet someone I would love to move with another person. At least I would know it's not impulsive so maybe it would worK. I hope you find your happy place as well. :)

 

[Dana1010]

@falling_wave, I visited Chicago. Do you like subzero temperatures with winds that blow you across the street? Also, the people there seemed very rude and uninterested in meeting new people--and I'm from somewhere widely considered to be rude. Maybe that was just my experience, but I wanted to put that out there.

 

[Chosen]

The Midwest has its own flavor, and I love it. We're pretty hardy folk around here. It somewhat depends on the metropolitan area--I'm up in Wisconsin area, about 3 hours away from Chicago. Chicago isn't my cup of tea, but from what you are interested in, it sounds like it might be a good fit for you. It's not called Windy City for nothing, but there'll also be lake effect which can help keep the temperatures warm. I think it avoids some of the arctic winds that we get up where I live.

There's definitely a LOT to do down there. Going to be more expensive than other Midwestern cities. But in Chicago, too, you're quite central to a lot of other cities (Milwaukee, Madison, Indianapolis, Cincinnati, and others). Lake Michigan is beautiful, and you'll hear it called "The lake." There are a ton of universities down there, so plenty of intellectual activities--audit a class, get another degree, hang out with grad students or professors.

Plenty of museums and historical sites down there.

I don't know much about what people are like down there (they're flat-landers---quite a rivalry between Wisconsinites and Minnesotans and Illinois residents!), but I know that even if we appear standoffish, it's mostly because we're incredibly self-resilient and focused. We've had to battle out the winters, and it makes us a bit cocky and self-assured and a wee bit pretentious about our ability to withstand cold (though we complain like the best of them!). I've found, though, that if you need help, we tend to rush to do our best. And we, ourselves, have a hard time admitting when we need help. We also say "bubbler" for drinking fountain. And, if Chicago is anything like my neck of the woods, you will hear "real quick" and "once" more often than you'd think. "Come here real quick once."

The Midwest is an awesome place to live. I think it's great to have a dream to work towards--maybe you're not ready now, but to have a goal to pursue will help you heal--and there are a ton of therapists in Chicago!

 

[anonymous]

The Midwest is not the east.... I repeat, the Midwest is NOT the east.... Having grown up in the east and lived in the Midwest for a number of years, yes, they are quite different!

I wouldn't decide to uproot myself far, far away based on one single solitary visit to the suburbs of that city...

Based on your posts over the last few months, I'd say this is a matter of you running from rather than running to... Didn't you move to your last residence on such a whim? Seems like you do a lot of running! Remember, no matter where you go, there you are. You seem to bounce around a lot.... from a controlling roommate to questioning having a baby to now wanting to move far away. I think all of this is just you running to avoid doing actual healing. You need one distraction or another from doing the hard work. Do you fear getting better? Seems so.

 

[falling_wave]

@Noah thanks for your response! I am from new england area origionally so I am used to the cold. I am in a warmer climate now and am always trying to wear sweaters, boots, and scarves even when it's probably way too warm. Cold doesn't bother me as you can always bundle up. I don't really like the heat for too long though. Now and then yes but I don't like to be hot for long. We called water fountains bubblers back home too. :) I really appreciate the perspective of someone who is close to there. Im so drawn to it. I even found my dream job there in lakeview where I want to live. The personality thing is ok too. Where I am everyone is friendly but flaky. They won't stand by you for long so no deep friendships really except for people who grew up here. I'm okay at working on friendships if they are likely to last. I talked to my T and we don't think this the right time bUT have a plan to eventually get there. Sometimes I don't like talking about it with her because I feel grief and fear creeping in as if I've already left her support. I'm used to people leaving me and adjusting but I'm still not quite sure why I would choose to leave her when she's there for me. Anyway I'm giving it time so we will see what feels right.