I Want To Save You From Me

[Deleted member 1860]

I know I feel this way because my depression is bad, in turn because my anxiety is bad, but still, I need to talk about it.

(Is this the right forum? I put it here b/c it's due to my depression, but perhaps it would be better in the relationships forum.)

I want to isolate. Well, it's more than that. I want to tell anyone and everyone to get as far away from me as possible because I am poison. I will only drag them down, and nobody deserves that, right? In essence, I feel the need to save everyone from me. I feel that it is selfish of me to want any sort of human contact because I don't have one positive thing to bring to the table. What gives me the right to be so selfish and needy? Nothing, absolutely nothing.

And then the thoughts just spiral from there. I'm a burden, nothing but a bother. My life is unimportant. I wouldn't be missed if I were gone. In fact, it would be a relief to everyone else because they wouldn't have to deal with me and my PTSD. Sometimes I wonder if anyone would miss me, or if my absence would even be noticed.

Everyone around me hates it when I take my anxiety meds but I figure it's either them or something drastic. For now I'll stick to the pills.

The flashback headaches are getting worse. I can type, but my verbal skills have gone out the window. I just hope that things don't get any worse.

 

[Ted Moen]

Aww ... ((((((((((((ScaredOfLonely)))))))))))))

I used to say surrounded by people who would be my friends if only I could let them. It took a lot of therapy and effort, but these days I am able to let them, and life is good. Not without challenges, but good.

To get started I had to pick someone around me and actually participate in the relationship. I picked a granddaughter who was an infant at the time. Pretty safe start.

Try to be gentle with yourself.

Ted

 

[LoyalOne]

Those automatic negative thoughts? Not true, baby. Not true. Your perception is is like a fun house mirror right now.

You take your meds if they help.

(((you)))

 

[catjudo]

I've been pretty depressed lately, as well. I'm in the process of getting a new psychiatrist who is closer to home (the one I've been seeing for almost ten years is a two hour drive each way and I'm just too depressed to deal with that kind of commute) but that is take some time. I have an appointment but it is still almost three weeks away. I'm trying to hang in there but it can be pretty tough. I recently saw a post on the internet that I keep going back to as a reminder to myself. I'd like to share it with you.

Hang in there!

 

[Kb3]

((((((((scared of lonely)))))))

Tell your depression to f*ck off! Take your anxiety meds, do something nice for yourself and know that you are a good and giving person who deserves to feel well.

I'll be rooting for you, and I hope that you can feel better soon.

 

[chw52]

Do whatever you need to make YOU feel better. The sign above says it all, hoping you feel better quickly.

 

[m3s4]

You might want to try doing something extremely, and I mean extremely extreme. MY example would be, sky-diving. I know, sounds crazy right? Wrong. Sometimes we get so caught up in isolation and in severe negative imagery and thoughts that we forget about truly living life.

We get stuck at one end of the spectrum, you know: the boring, mundane, get wrapped up in our thoughts and confuse ourselves into a sort of mental and physical paralysis.

At the other end of the spectrum is life, and living it to the fullest, everyday. I know, I almost lost my life in an accident, and shortly after I was enthralled and elated to be alive - until the Ptsd showed up unexpectedly. You would think a person would look at life differently, and be thankful - I did and I was...But the Ptsd had other plans, it always does.

I had to get back to living life, and living life fully. I'm almost there...With the help of doing extreme activities this year, I realized, first hand, that adrenaline is a stress killer. It will literally murder the stress and release powerful endorphins that help to rebuild confidence, restore faith in yourself and get you back to living, instead of slowly dying. I also work out at a local gym and I find this helps tremendously.

Everyone has different ways of overcoming and coping. Everyone also has different set limits when it comes to "extreme" activities. ask yourself what yours are and treat yourself to overcoming those fears...Try rock-climbing, or rafting...Zip-lining or sky-diving...Anything that get's your heart pounding and blood racing. Adrenaline is addictive, and doing activities that get you addicted to that adrenaline are a much better choice then doing activities that fill you with despair and hopelessness.

I bet this helps you to get off the meds as well, and imo, the sooner you do that the sooner you make a magnificent recovery.