I Was Attacked At Work Yesterday.

[CrazyHorse]

Dear Philippa, while I do agree that if similar situations keep occuring in our lives, it is beneficial to analyse and evaluate our own part in them, in order to prevent them in the future. But there is a fine line between doing that and blaming yourself. It is such a difficult balance to maintain. I do not believe that you in anyway provoked an attack. People have a choice in how to act. For example, lets say some one was trying to re-enact an abusive situation with me. I would never 'play along'. And that is a fact. You can not 'make' anyone be abusive towards you. Remember that. I understand why you are seeking answers, just be careful not to blame yourself in the process :-)

 

[Philippa]

Thankyou crazyhorse. I wasn't aware I was coming across as blaming myself. I am not consciously doing so. I know it was purely this woman who acted out of line. I may have arked up and not controlled my voice either once the yelling started, but I did my best not to get dragged into it, and I know that I did not intentionally hit her or threaten her. Whatever was going on for her at the moment I grabbed her arm, it had nothing to do with me. I grabbed her arm out of self defense as I felt threatened. I agree...I'm not going to blame myself here.

All I meant was that I think that both of us were having patterns from the past surface. That doesn't make it ok that she took it out on me, but just trying to get to the reality of things, so I don't take it personally.

I spoke to her with a calm voice and attempted to approach the issue in a mature way. She chose to over-react and act like a passive aggressive abusive BITCH! That wasn't my fault or responsability. I know that. I'm more interested in looking at the underlying stuff that has to do with my mother in this, so I can hopefully make sure it doesn't happen again, because this has happened too many times now. I'm over it.

I do have belief systems where I think that women are just bitches and I don't get along with them. That isn't strictly true though. There are some women who behave this way and others who are not like this. Just because I have not had much experience with the other kind does not mean they aren't out there to experience. That's all.

 

[Philippa]

I just feel really crappy at the moment. I've fallen into the hurt that was underlying the fury and anger yesterday. Now I am feeling just so...sad and down about it all.

 

[CrazyHorse]

I know :-) And I think you are handling it all so well! Maybe self-blame was to strong a word. I know you are refelcting on the situation, but the comment from your friend about how you might manifest situations like this did not seem right in my ears :-)

 

[The Albatross]

I think I would consider the woman who attacked, and the events before and after as a stand alone event. If more time is spent on them, thinking about flags, signals, or warnings ignored. You did great owning up to your part, you put your hand on her first because you were afraid she was going to do something to hurt you.

But beyond that, attaching unrelated events outside of the workplace or the relationship with either the coworker or your boss... is largely unhelpful. There is no assurity or certainty for one. Any conclusion drawn which turns the event back to your wounds, are perceptual. It is doubtful, except that I know you embrace the concept of karma. I think even with karma, I would stick to the events in the workplace and after some examination, try to pick some lesson(s) to carry with you so this situation won't be repeated or taken with you to an other workplace. (???)

 

[CrazyHorse]

We just cross-posted. I am sorry you are feeling sad. I can totally understand that though. It is a very unfair, crappy treatment you have recieved.

 

[The Albatross]

Phillipa, can you widen your view to the whole job, and maybe make a list of what you did right or well? Every work place is a mixed bag, even the shitty ones. Why not take away some things from this experience that can be a confidence builder as well as determining not to repeat the scenarios?

 

[Philippa]

Thankyou both. It helps to know you're here.

I think you're right alba. it does no good to think too much and try and find relating themes to different incidences.

I believe in cause and effect...that every action has a consequence and reaction. That is my understanding of what karma is...I know that isn't what many people consider karma to be, but I think it always meant that, but people gave it a more mystical meaning at some point. I do think peoples actions come back to them in some form...maybe not exactly as they dealt it out though. I know some think that is just a comforting thing that people like to believe as an excuse to not do anything about the harm that was done. I have taken practical steps though as retribution...calling the tax department on her for one thing. ;)

I have been giving myself credit that I did a good job, regardless of their opinion of me. Their opinion of me is irrelevant. I know I am good at what I do and I was an asset...the boss is just a ditz that makes poor judgement calls on a regular basis and doesn't even know how to make her own decisions. She was constantly trying to get us to make her decisions for her.

I've made two 'friends' that I would love to stay in contact with. I'm minding one womans cat right now, which has helped us both, as it is good to have another cat around, if only for a week or two. It was feeling pretty empty when I'd come home from work. I miss April so much.

 

[Philippa]

I've just been concentrating on taking it easy and not think about it too much. I've done what I can do, I've started looking for more work and I've reached out for support here and with friends down the road. I'm doing about as much as I can to move past it...but the emotions are hitting me hard at the moment. The anger has passed and now I just feel sad and hurt and just so...I don't know. People.

 

[Philippa]

All I know is that what happened closely resembled the scenario that happened a year ago, where another manager attacked me, and then turned around and told everyone that I attacked her, violently. She even called my other boss up and told her, and then told me that my other boss said I did the same thing to her...which I knew my other boss would never say as we had always sorted out misunderstandings amicably.

Besides that another incident that was similar, but where a man I lived with attacked me and got in my space to try and get me to hit him happened about 3 years ago now, and it all seemed to have started after my father hit me one day when I over reacted to something my mother did at the peak of my ptsd symptoms. I think that is what my friend meant by manifesting with the pattern that was set up in my brain from that event.

All I know is I never experienced so many attacks and physical threats before my father hit me. After that happened, it seemed to happen nearly every year after that, at least once? It's hard to not think that the incidences are related, even though they were completely different people and times.

 

[The Albatross]

Yeah... People. :hug:

 

[The Albatross]

Have you read Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't? Though faith based, there is a whole wealth of insight into interpersonal relationships in there. Years ago both my sponsors just said "Your people picker is broken". I found patterns and was inexplicably drawn into to toxic situations and relationships now, as I came to understand, because I was attracted to the "familiar"... even when it wasn't in my own best interests.

It is one of my keeper books, and I was involved in a small group meeting about this material for about 6 months on another forum. I can actually say, that my people picker is a little more reliable as a result.