Sexual Assault I Wasn't Sexually Abused But I Felt Like I Was

[Abstract]

We posted at the same time.

The thing is that when it comes to PTSD it isn't about someones subjective experience. Alone. It can only qualify if an experience fits an objective set of requirements.

PTSD is a disorder that describes both a specific type of experience and a specific type of response. A person has PTSD when they fit all those requirements. There is a general use of the term trauma and then there is a clinical use of the term trauma. PTSD can only happen when something fits the clinical requirements for trauma. Criterion A is central to it. You can also sometimes see people use the terms big T and little t trauma. Those aren't official terms but loosely refer to clinical trauma and experiences that don't fit clinical trauma but that people can find life changing or distressing.

Its like this: clinical trauma isnt defined as a reaction. It is defined as a specific type of event. PTSD describes a specific type of event + a specific type of reaction.

Noone is saying there is anything wrong with you or bad with you for reacting like this. Or crazy. We are saying your feelings are not wrong and you deserve to get help and support. Just because it doesn't fit these it doesn't invalidate your feelings or how you responded to it.

I hope you can hear no one is judging you and are rather trying to help you.

 

[Sideways]

Was this experience traumatic for you? Yes, very clearly it was, and it has had a profound effect on you.
Do you have PTSD from this particular event? No. Not so far as you've described it.

But (and it's a big 'but') that doesn't mean that something serious, as in clinically serious, isn't going on for you. Seeking out the assistance of a therapist is definitely in order. Let go of the "is it PTSD" question- it's something significant, whatever it is. And that's enough to warrant getting help.

In saying that you don't have ptsd from THIS event, that's not minimising what you're going through. It's simply saying that whatever you're going through is something else. And maybe (and this is the important part) the way you heal from whatever it is that's going on for you is different to how a person might heal from ptsd. That's why getting someone qualified to diagnose us is so important- it's not about validating whether you're suffering, it's about how you recover from it.

If a woman found a lump in her breast, and went online and found that she seemed to relate to a lot of the symptoms of breast cancer, that's a good reason to seek professional help. But if the doctor says to her "it's a necrosis, not breast cancer", it's not that it's more or less significant, it's just that you treat them differently. And insisting that it's breast cancer, when it's actually something else, is going to prevent her from getting the right treatment.

I'm sorry that you went through this, and I hope you find the help and support you need to move forward.

 

[EveHarrington]

HI,

It is incredibly easy for someone to self-diagnose themselves.

I took an online test and it said I had FOUR personality disorders. Yes, 4! Another test I took said I had none. I self diagnosed myself with one. (Admittedly I was on the bottom cusp.) My doctor said no, I do not have a personality disorder. My point is that Google can diagnose us with everything under the sun.

Can I ask you why you feel that a diagnosis is necessary to validate your suffering? Is it possible that you are indeed struggling with this but you don't have a specific diagnosis? In all honesty, 99.9% of the struggles and suffering in life is just part of life and there is no diagnosis for our resulting mental struggles.

I think that therapy could really help you. It doesn't matter that this incident didn't cause PTSD. What matters is that you're struggling with something that happened to you and you need help in order to move forward.

 

[Friday]

But it did make me lose my trust for him after he made it go on for longer and made it worse when he knew I was being traumatised. I don't know how to think honestly I keep going back and forth in my mind and no one understands it.

These are normal reactions.

You should lose trust & lose respect in someone who has such wildly different standards as you do, deliberately sabotages your efforts, and a engaging in a lifestyle you find repugnant. It's normal to feel anxiety around someone who has demonstrated that your well being is about 80 items down on their ToDo list, and to resent someone who is actively making your life harder than it needs to be, and to not trust someone who has clearly earned that loss of trust.

These aren't PTSD thoughts. This is your brain being entirely reasonable.

Fighting your brain being reasonable? Wanting things to be different than they are? Heart telling you one thing, mind telling you something else? That's normal life, hon. These are learning experiences. Not trauma.

 

[lyratheowl]

I know things like personality disorders etc. are very difficult to diagnose. I have done tests and it said I had PD's too but I didn't take it seriously. I really do fit all the criteria of PTSD though that I have read except the cause is not serious enough. I haven't described my symptoms but they fit perfectly (not all of them like I remember everything that happened perfectly, but enough to fit the criteria) I know it was very extreme and it fitted PTSD. There was no other way to describe how I was feeling, it just put it into words. No one understands. I feel like I can't trust anyone or enter into a new relationship because I know they will have the same attitude about it as my ex boyfriend and I will have to keep it a secret from anyone I get close to as I can't trust them to understand. If I had been attacked then people would understand.

It doesn't make sense because it seems by a lot of people's criteria of trauma other things which happened to me which I don't even care about would be closer to being a trauma (although maybe not because nothing life threatening or dangerous) even though I didn't care about them and wasn't traumatised. Yet the thing i was genuinely traumatised by is not considered a trauma. A big part of it was that I felt anything could happen as it was an abnormal shocking incident considering the people. So my whole world view was flipped upside down. Also the way I felt trapped. If someone described it to me before maybe I wouldn't understand either. I don't know. The fact we were living in the same flat as that man was abnormal and scary in itself. I don't know if it's because I can't explain what it was like that people don't take it seriously or if I am just overreacting.

My boyfriend was the only one who was there but he can't be trusted as he reacted against my reaction recently and couldn't remember how distressed and paranoid he got about it happening at the time too. I remember how shocked he looked and he kept convincing himself it didn't really happen and that man had another woman in there and not the girl as that would have made it still gross but more bearable even though it was obvious that it was the girl and my boyfriend was desperate to convince himself it wasn't. And he's not even usually effected by stuff like that at all. At the time he said it was like we were living in this brothel or den of inequity where anything could happen which is what it felt like for me too except way worse obviously.

 

[Friday]

It doesn't make sense because it seems by a lot of people's criteria of trauma other things which happened to me which I don't even care about would be closer to being a trauma (although maybe not because nothing life threatening or dangerous) even though I didn't care about them and wasn't traumatised.

^^^^
This + When you say it felt like you were being sexually abused... Have you been sexually abused in the past?

Or, similarly, that's one of the things about CritA trauma... It's not often what people think of when then think traumatized. As in to actually go through it feels a helluva lot different than people imagine they'd feel. In fact, not caring about them? Is a pretty common reaction. Paper cuts and stubbed toes tend to hurt a lot more than being stabbed and broken bones.

I'm asking, because if you've been raped, sexually abused, or had other CritA trauma (which is all life threatening and dangerous, and you said no to that)... Then that makes PTSD possible. It's little things that tend to set it off later, but it's not the little things that caused it. A straw doesn't break a camels back. It's all the other shit under the straw that's required for a straw to add to the weight.

Believe me, you'd rather not have PTSD, and there are dozens of other conditions in the DSM that match the symptoms of PTSD that aren't PTSD -and most are more easily treated and not lifelong!- but if you have prior CritA trauma? That does change things. It doesn't mean you have PTSD. All those other similar disorders have to be ruled out, first, but it makes it possible.

 

[Sideways]

I really do fit all the criteria of PTSD though

No, you don't.

But that's okay. You're getting really level responses here. Please speak to someone who can actually diagnose you and help you.

 

[lyratheowl]

No, you don't.

But that's okay. You're getting really level responses here. Please speak to s...

I meant all the symptoms. Not the cause.

 

[Sideways]

Bit like saying that you have Phantom Limb Syndrome when you haven't actually lost a limb.

Yeah, you may have all the symptoms, but unless it's caused by a lot limb, it's not Phantom Limb Syndrome...it's something else.

 

[Abstract]

Lyra, I am finding it very concerning that you aren't willing to open yourself to what people are trying to help you with here. It's starting to feel as if anyones response is totally pointless as you just disregard it. When you are coming into something new then its always wise to truly listen and understand the new topic rather stick to a preconceived idea.

Your logic is going like this: A happened - I was upset by A - Long term thoughts and feelings about A - therefore I have B. Even when every single person you have spoken to (and people who understand these issues well) in any arena has told you B is impossible. No one is saying you aren't dealing with anything but you are insisting its B when it can't be. The sad thing is that I believe you need help with what you are feeling and this insistence and disregard for anything anyone says is likely to stop you healing from this. You are trapped in your own circular logic that is keeping you stuck. Trying to force PTSD into your creation of what it is isn't going to change anything. I hope you can rather look at what is and get the support.

The first little hint of what might have been happening for you is maybe what you said about your world view being turned upside down. I would look at that as a start.

 

[Sideways]

Sorry, I feel like I should clarify...

If hearing people having disturbing sex caused me to have all the symptoms of ptsd, I'd want to know what the hell was going on. And first on my list would be getting a qualified opinion.

You know that you do not have ptsd based on this specific event. Not possible.

And yet you seem to have all the symptoms of a disorder that people get from life-threatening situations. If I were in your shoes, I'd want to know what the hell was going on, and how do I fix it.

Clinging to ptsd isn't helping you right now. And I think that you would really benefit from proper help, qualified help. You don't have ptsd from this event, but if you meet all the symptoms, then there's something serious going on for you, and it would be worthwhile seeking some answers from someone qualified.

I am not saying you're not suffering. I'm just saying that you don't have the right answer at the moment...and you need the right answer, not just one that feels right.

 

[lyratheowl]

^^^^
This + When you say it felt like you were being sexually abused... Have you been sexually ab...

Thank you for both your replies.

Some people don't think my boyfriend did anything wrong to make me mistrust or be extremely negatively effective (if I can't call it trauma) and act like they don't understand and nothing 'bad' happened. You and a couple of others online seem to understand why that would be 'traumatic' or whatever you want to call it if it can't be traumatic. But a lot of people including my boyfriend (even though he was very distressed at the time but now denies it) don't understand which I don't get. It was really horrible but no one gets it. It wasn't a normal situation and I would never have been there in my right mind if I hadn't made an awful mistake. So basically I correspond to the symptoms of ptsd (yes I do and i'm not going to sit them just yet but I do and I'm not saying I have ptsd just that I have the symptoms, I feel traumatised for at least a year by something and then no one around me understands and says nothing bad happened and it's my fault for reacting that way. I feel like I'm going crazy and have to just never speak of it again to friends or future partners as I know they will react the same and say who can you feel traumatised by something so trivial and nothing bad happened.

I guess I was technically sexually abused as a child but nothing really bad happened or serious. This old man put his hand down the back of my underwear and pinged my underwear against me whilst telling my mother everything was fine and she didn't know what he was doing. It didn't bother me though. Also, I was left alone with him before that even though my mother knew he was likely attracted to children as I knew she knew from something she had said before. I don't remember anything else unusual happening though so I don't think it did. My whole childhood was my mother taking round to all these strange dirty houses and I wold have to sleep in strange beds and be miserable and have no say. I think that's where the contamination ocd first came from. Not from the old man touching my underwear but just from the way I was treated in general as a child. but I never realised I had contamination ocd until I was 'traumatised' (I put it in quotes now as I'm not sure what it means even it feels exactly like I was) by the situation which I describe in this thread. I just feel it was bad enough and I don't see why being mildly sexually abused as a child is worse than what I was exposed to as all seems bad to me and different people react to different bad things in different ways. I was never seriously abused either way so I know there are people on here who were and i know nothing like that happened to me anyway but I still felt traumatised very badly even if I'm sure it would be way worse if was seriously abused instead.

What other things could have the exact same symptoms as PTSD? I don't know. i'm just saying I have those symptoms and it fit exactly apart from the cause.