angel2write
Diamond Member
There is a pattern, but I don't know if my list would help anyone else. Questions (like "are you ok?" or "what do you need?") don't help me, but telling me that I'm safe does. Bear does that a lot. He says over and over, "You're safe. I'm here. You're with me. It's ok." He knows I'm embarrassed about exhibiting symptoms, too. So he reassures me that I can cry or do whatever I need to. That I'm not hurting him or the kids. (I was punished a lot for crying, so he gives me "permission" to cry.)
My T recommended repeating in a gentle, calm voice who I am and where I am and who I'm with. So she says, "You're 39 years old. You're in my office. We're just talking. Take all the time you need. Everything is OK. It's Wednesday morning and you're here with me in my office."
In this particular instance, where he knew I misunderstood something he said and it triggered me, he corrected it. He explained what he really meant to say nice and loud in a reassuring voice. I'm not sure how many times he had to repeat it before it penetrated, but it really did help.
You know- I hadn't thought about it in terms quite this clear... but I think we've started doing this. I had a breakdown about a month ago about all the things in the house that were "broken" and driving me crazy! So he's started fixing one or two a week. The $*%^& gate will have to wait until we can afford to replace it, though. The bungee cord is the best we can do for now.
A good suggestion for lowering household tension! Thanks.
A
