I Wish He Would Text More

[Momofthree]

Thanks Falling_wave, I'll try that.

 

[Glara]

My sufferer, or ex sufferer has c-ptsd. I'd text him as much as he wanted or needed if I thought it would help. When we started we texted each other as soon as we woke up and when we went to bed. On Easter I went to dinner with my family and didn't text him for a few hours and he asked if I forgot him. Last few times I texted he didn't answer. So I stopped. I wish I could give him what he needs. I'd turn my life upside down if I thought it would help. I'd quit my state job and move to be close to him if I thought he wanted me to. But if he keeps pushing me away it would be a foolish thing to do. If he wanted me to text I'd hope he'd answer when I did. If he doesn't respond I can only assume he's not ready. I'm at a loss. And very sad.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think its very black and white thinking to say that this is a difference between complex trauma and PTSD. That is, you're assuming that everyone with PTSD wants space 24/7 (we don't) and that those with complex trauma don't need any space (they do).

If you want something from your partner, ASK HIM. This is no different than any other relationship. And lets face it.....MANY guys don't communicate all the time (men, mars, women, venus anyone?) I know lots of guys who can go extended periods without contact with their SO.

 

[Momofthree]

@Glara I'm so sorry, and the last thing I want to do is break my guys heart. It helps me read the things you have written because I'm sure it would be the exact same thing coming from my partner. I have sent him "have you forgotten me?" texts before and he always responds with 'nope'. I'm sorry you keep getting pushed away and you are right when you say you can't just uproot yourself if he isn't even willing to text back.

@Solara I didn't mean to make a black and white statement I was just reading all the supporter advice to 'not text too much' and as a sufferer I wish he would text more, I just I was just wondering if it could be a difference in the two because they do have several differences to them... I know I could just ask him, but my head spends that as being clingy, or manipulative and I don't want to be that... I know it's silly, I know I'm being ridiculous, and I know that it's all in my head that doesn't make it any less frustrating :banghead:

 

[IrisL]

Maybe that's helpful, but personaly (maybe orhers as same as me) I'm realised im reacting like im in a shell bubble and when im panicking I will make a circular energy inside of the bubble - shouting out help me help me without voice and never really open the shell to anyone - in that way the involved never realise what's there - we try to protect the surrenders, but at the end with our isolation we just hurting them. They do care, but they have a life to lead and no one can constantly attention for another human being, because even if they not have the same condition they have to deal with other things too... The phrase is everybody has them own problem.
And maybe I'm wrong but I think our job is to destroy that shell, because if we take a really close look - that has a massive holes already on it- that's why we can hurt others with our denial and when thinks are coming back from the past even those energy is keeling out.
The shell is created in the negative happenings, trauma - slowly built up to protect ourselves to get absolutely mental ...and seems our job is to perfectly realise is nothing wrong to be vulnerable, but we need to realise who we are with. But that can be equal to anybody. Ergo we aren't that f•*%ed up and neither mental... Just how we need time, others around us needs time too...
And even if the supporter not checking on you, but when you ask for help or showing interest they quickly response - they just giveing time and space - they give respect
Hope that's helps ^.~
Oh and the shell imagines as veil of our past, memorise - so that's flippin blind us

 

[Momofthree]

Maybe that's helpful, but personaly (maybe orhers as same as me) I'm realised im reacting like im in a shell bubble and when im panicking I will make a circular energy inside of the bubble - shouting out help me help me without voice and never really open the shell to anyone - in that way the involved never realise what's there -

You're right! This is exactly what I'm doing!! I sit in my bubble and just hope he'll text and then get all worried and upset when he doesn't, when all I have to do is reach out of my bubble and send a text and he is more then willing to be right there for me. He is respectful and loving who could ask for anything more? Thanks for this!

 

[Tiffany3]

I know this is an old post but hopefully someone is still reading it since it popped up on my threads today. Anyway....

I am a supporter and hearing this from a suffer is great! I struggle, A LOT, with how much to text him. The last thing I ever want to do is cause him more stress. I'm getting better at reading him/reading into his texts and can usually tell if he's open to conversation or not but it's still really hard, especially being the girl whose initiating texts to him almost everyday right now. I have to keep reminding myself that this isn't a "typical" relationship and therefore "typical" rules don't apply but it's still hard.

It's been that way the last two weeks. Up until now, he was usually the one initiating and it was almost everyday. I know Veterans Day week was rough and then this week something happened so I'm hoping this isn't going to be forever and some day he'll initiate again but in the meantime......

I don't mind initiating but I wish he'd be able to give me more direction. He can't though so for now, I'm learning to read him. Most of the time I get it right but not always. If you're able to communicate to him what you want, I'd bet he's really, really appreciate it. Like I said, I would.

 

[LoveHimThroughIt]

Thank you for posting this. It is nice to hear that you want to hear from us Supporters. I'm with Tiffany. We both have vets who are withdrawn right now and I promised mine that I would text him Good Morning and Good Night every day in November since he told me it is a bad month for him. He was doing well up and replying pretty frequently until the recent Terrorist Attacks, which happened to coincide with a KIA day for one of the guys who was under his responsibility during his last deployment. I haven't received any replies from him since that day and continuing to text without receiving responses feels uncomfortable, but I'm afraid that he will think I abandoned him if I do since I promised that I would text daily. He told me when we last saw each other that he would let me know if it was too much, and he has not, so I am taking no news to be good news, but... it is just nice to hear from you that you want your person to text you and make sure they let you know they're not going anywhere. Thank You.