I Wish To Cease To Exist

[Smile]

I've been in pretty intense therapy for at least 5 years with no breaks (pretty much). I've been on meds for almost that same amount of time. I'm not getting "better". In fact I think I'm worse.

Anxiety has sapped me of every joy I ever knew. I look forward to nothing. I dread everything.

I'm a lump of clay that's filled with pain and taking up unnecessary breathing room on this planet.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

What types of therapy have you been doing? What kinds of meds have you been taking? Has anything really helped you over the years?

Many of us need to go through different types of therapy with different therapists in order to find what really works. I have tried SO many different therapies over the years. The same goes for meds. That is, it can take much trial and error before finding something that really helps.

 

[mrsps]

Maybe its time to move on to a different therapist ...... sometimes we can only go so far with a therapist then we need more than they can give. Yes it is hard to start off with someone new but it may be what you need.

 

[Smile]

@itsKismet & @mrsps , thanks for your replies :)

I'm not quite sure what types of therapy I've had... I've never been the type to ask but I know I've had cbt in the past. I actually have a new T, started about 4 months ago and she's been working I guess a bit with exposure and very much into mindfulness.

She's my first T who is a trauma specialist & I know she works for me. But... I don't want to work so hard anymore just to live.

I've been on all types of meds but have recently weened myself off all except Xanax and remeron.

I just... There's no reprieve in sight.

 

[Tessa]

Lumps of clay can be moulded into the most beautiful vessels to hold life giving water. Sometimes it seems there is no hope in sight however there is and we are all here with you.