I Wish....

[UnKnown-Self]

You know your pups :) Eddie is a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. I only know that because when we took him to the vet for his check up they found he had a chip. Eddie was a rescue(r).

 

[lostforgottensoul]

You know your pups :) Eddie is a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. I only know that because whe...

King Charles! How did I miss that one? One of my fav of little lap dogs! Eddie must be getting older, his face is a bit more white than most king charles or maybe its just his postion. If i saw the entire dog I would of gotten it on spot. Only thing to read in my house was encyclopidias and i read them all, odd i did that and am dyslexic, and also studied dog breeds from the youngeat age I can remember. Im usually pretty good at picking out breeds in mixed breeds unless too mixed but can usually say "likely a bit of lab, some spaniel, maybe a bit of a hunting breed". I had a guy bring a mixed puppy at work, I askex what it was mixed with and he said one breed (dont remember) and didnt know the other, i said "the other is collie" but that was a bit easy as the puppy had some collie markings. You can always pick out a spaniel, those long floppy ears that I love so much about them!

My dog, Chopper, and both of my cats arw rescues (only way I get animals), my calico, Codee, was theown against walls as a kitten, I rescued her at 4 months and my over loving ling haired orange and white tabby, Preston, was a bottled fed kitten from day one.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

King Charles! How did I miss that one? One of my fav of little lap dogs! Eddie must be gett...

He is 12 years old.
He also has more of a spaniel than pug type nose. His legs are a little longer too. Maybe his mama got off the leash one day :whistling:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

He is 12 years old.
He also has more of a spaniel than pug type nose. His legs are a little...

Haha! Go up, i edited it and posted some pics of the cats and wrote another paragraph about them. I have one pic on instragram and facebook of the two looking out the window together but apparently its not on my phone anymore :(

 

[UnKnown-Self]

King Charles! How did I miss that one? One of my fav of little lap dogs! Eddie must be gett...

Beautiful kitties! Sometimes I miss having a cat around. My current apartment is way to small.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

Haha! Go up, i edited it and posted some pics of the cats and wrote another paragraph about t...

I raised a couple baby kittens over the years. That's a type of distinctly different cat when you are their mommy. I know you have an amazing bond with them.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Beautiful kitties! Sometimes I miss having a cat around. My current apartment is way to smal...

I live in an 850 sq ft apartment with me, my two cats, my 180 lb pitbull, my dad and step mom and their stupid and annoying chihuahua Coco, my pit Chopper and and the chihuahua Coco are best friends. Sucks outaide cuz every dog is an enemy to Coco and Chopper being 180 lbs pure muscle sticks up for him....yeah, can be crazy if they're out together. Chopped loves all dogs and people except when Coco is barking at them then he's like "i dare tou to even sniff him wrong" lol

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I raised a couple baby kittens over the years. That's a type of distinctly different cat whe...

Totally but the bond is more with the calico Codee who was thrown against walls. Its almost she knows i saved her. Shes terrifed of all people but me, I can do anything to her, and she has to be touching me at all times and LOVES to sleep ON me which sucks cuz shes gotten fat and im sure 18 to 20 lbs, i wake up in so much pain cuz i broke my lower back 7 yrs ago and deal with chronic pain as it is. Hopefully it will be getting better, the Drs resulted in putting a pain pump in me 11/11 this yr and are tiering that up and my oral and patch meds down. Im 34, its never gonna get better and will get worse very fast, they predicted if nothing else was done other than meds i wouldnt be able to walk in 10 or less yrs....tho the drs said i wouldnt be able to walk after the accident and i proved that wrong but i felt the pain increasing faster than my body could get that used to a med so i knew it was actual pain increasing and not my tolerance foing up plus its less medication foing right into my spinal cord and your body doesnt build a tolerance to it like oral/patch medications and the non medication neurostimular didnt work so that was the last option.

 

[VioletButterfly]

I can't offer anymore wisdom than what you've already been provided up top as I am in the soup with you and feel the same way. I wish this would all straighten out and that I could live that "normal" life I hear about without having these feelings, experiences, and tug-o-wars going on inside. I hear what they are saying about gratitude, space, and self-care though and it makes sense. A lot of reframing of expectations, if I'm getting the gist.

What I can offer is that you are not alone. I've been at this fixing myself thing for 10 years and need to practice patience as mentioned above, and tolerance for the work that is to be done. I don't think it was until the last two traumas happened at the same time about 1 1/2 years ago, that I realized PTSD was the real Dx, not just anxiety and depression. I was treating symptoms and not the cause. It certainly adds a dimension or two. So, more time and learning to live another way, have a new "normal."

I hope you will continue to seek support from your T, the forum, and your animals. I love your calico! Best to you. VB

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I can't offer anymore wisdom than what you've already been provided up top as I am in the soup w...

Thank you! It helps to know I not alone or not the only one but I hate that you suffer too. I have never felt like I identified with sexual abuse victims (suvivors) or even incest survivors, i figured out when I watched the movie of the true story "I Know My First Name Is Steven" of Steven Stayner (RIP), that I figured out I identify very much woth kidnap victims. Even though I technically wasnt kidnapped, I was illegally kept from my dad, isolated from all family, my mom's entire personality changed and what happened back then is what would happen to a kidnapped child put in a cult or sold in the sexual human trafficking and my own experiences dont even hit me as bad. I asked my therapist "Is what was done to me human trafficking?" And he said "Well the term has recently been coined, but in its current definition, yes" and ive been trying to wrap my head around it since, thats been about a yr. It will be a very long hale for me. Its the digging out the traumas thats making me "crazy woman". Hopefully i hit the top of the mountian eventually and it will eventually start to get better. PTSD is just 1 of 3 diagnosed dosorders and 1 possible not yet diagnosed. Makes one feel crazy!

 

[ladee]

An animal lover !!! I prefer animals to humans most days... I recently had to put my 24 yr. old Tortie cat down... still can't breathe when I think about her.... the only 'constant' in my life all those years.....so one more thing in common.... animals....
I know you feel as tho you are climbing a mountain... but there are beautiful surprises and awesome scenery on the way up too..... it's not all pain... some of it is freedom. Or a taste of freedom... I am so sorry you have to endure all that you did. Makes my heart hurt for you....
So know you are not alone, am reading you everytime you post...... onward and upward... :hug: if you accept them...

 

[Myanxietyhasanxiety]

I found I relate to this post so much. I wish.... oh boy... those were were uttered in my mind time and time again for years!

I think the louder and more deep and painful it got was right around the time I started to see a little light.

Now my retortic in my mind is a little different. It just happened, and I knew I was as I beginning to heal. I don't think I wish anymore. I think "It is. It is this way, and I can't change it. It just is, and that's ok." Then over time it shifted to "what can I find good in today" to eventually "here is what I am grateful for"

Like I said, it was not an immediate shift. It was hard, and painful and it's still not perfect but with the help of professionals and research, reading, meditation, time with people I trust, and avoiding those I don't it did get better.

Hugs to you