I Would Be Graduating From Medical School Today...

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Thank you very much for starting and adding to this thread!!!! I am in a similar predicament. I made it all the way to Ph.D. candidate with dreams, success, awards, love of teaching, but then could not continue due to C-PTSD. I am still hoping on being able to finish at some point, but will have to see. The way things stand at the moment I will need to be on medical leave at least for a few more years to do my intense therapy. My peers have long graduated. I do better with this on some days than others.

At least I have found my way back to writing. I can think and I can write. At first I always stressed myself about having to complete my dissertation before I try to write something else. My therapist suggested I just try writing anything, that involves as little stress as possible. Just writing on my laptop at night worked. Then I moved back to the forum. After meeting a new friend and looking at things that I had already written, I came up with the idea of writing a book.

I have outlined two books I want to write. One is an academic book about respectful and accessible medical for patients. It goes along with a number of conference presentations I have given during the past few years. There's no stress or due date and it is on a topic I am extremely passionate about. The second book is more personal, maybe more diary style, the story of my life. It can go along with therapy. Ironically the day after I outlined it, my therapist told me that one of the "goals" of therapy was to be able to develop a narrative of my story.

We will see... Generally, at the moment, I am very grateful for everything I have learned and all the people I have met while I am on medical leave. I would not miss it for the world... Maybe my journey will take me down a different road, but at heart I know I am an academic...

Thank you again to all of you for making this forum such a special place!

 

[Pvizzy]

The way things stand at the moment I will need to be on medical leave at least for a few more years to do my intense therapy.

How did your doctor/therapist determine you will need to be on medical leave for a few more years in order to fully participate in "life" again? I presume that it's because of your symptoms, but I'm new to all this. Where did you find health care professionals that were able to realize that you needed this and were willing to commit to you and treat you for so long?

Thanks, Paul.

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

How did your doctor/therapist determine you will need to be on medical leave for a few more years

There are no guarantees one way or the other of how well I will be at my very best. I have complex PTSD caused by a multitude of stressors and severe traumas from infancy through childhood, adolescence, and still encounter traumas on a regular basis now because of my disabilities. Nothing can erase my history and I am not expecting it to.

However, until 7 years ago I was teaching at the University of Minnesota, winning national awards for my teaching and leadership, conducting research, writing, presenting in my department, the foreign language departments related to Europe, the medical school, Occupational and Physical departments, and even the school of music despite being profoundly deaf and using ASL as my main language at the moment.

Don't get me wrong. I was so far from normal that people could read certain parts of history by just looking at me. I have never been in a mutual relationship with anyone and I doubt I ever will be. I have friends because I am incredibly loyal and can handle people going through extremely difficult times. I seem to attract people with cancer or who have acquired a disability. They actually seek me out if they need support getting through the medical system. I can't speak up for myself because dissociation and flashbacks set in, but I will go to bat for others.

That doesn't mean that people who are not in need can handle me. Communication is difficult on a good day. I walk "funny" because I have no balance. More people than I can count have told me that they are embarrassed to be seen with me. I cannot handle being touched or having people too physically close to me. My attention span depends on how I am doing from minute to minute.

I love academia and books and leading brainiac conversations with people. The problem with my C-PTSD is that it "robbed" me of the things I love to do and am generally good at after I attempted to "fix" my balance through physical therapy. On some days I am better able to function than on others. I have a wonderful service dog.

Trauma experts ask me what my most important goals are. Those are completing my dissertation and getting a job at Gallaudet University without too many interferences. Nobody can make me normal in other ways and that is ok. I don't even want to become 100% normal. I wouldn't be me. Based on hearing an outline of my history, they can estimate how long things will take to work through. They learn quickly that I will put every ounce of energy into getting better. However, any medical experience can extend or disrupt the time frame. With my disabilities I have more encounters with the medical field than I care to.

As far as how professionals can commit to me for an extended time... They know what their general plans are. I don't even start seeing someone if they plan on transferring to a different job in the near future. However, commitment can take unexpected turns. Over the past 6 1/2 years I have seen 24 different therapists. Each therapy was disrupted for a different reason. Therapists can become ill. Family members can become ill. Something comes up in therapy that the therapist is not equipped or willing to work with. I have had a couple therapists who have lost their jobs or licenses because of overstepping boundaries. One who knew I needed a personal care attendant convinced the county to hire her best friend. The PCA in turn told me about the dual role, which kept me from reporting the fact that the PCA was extorting money from me. It took a few months until the therapist realized that I didn't have money to get to therapy. Knowing her best friend and my not saying anything, she confronted her friend. The therapist reported her best friend and both lost their jobs. Depending on what the disruption is and whether or not I have other supports I can transfer to someone else or I can completely break down lose all trust in people.

The current therapist and I work very well together. I have seen improvements in certain areas, like being able to write. It is an estimate and if it takes longer that is fine. It is not a contract or a promise. When dealing with humans, flexibility is required.

 

[arcc14]

Thank, everyone. I glad I generated so much discussion. :) I'm going to be teaching high school physics and chemistry for a couple of years while getting a Master's degree. I also teach MCAT classes. I'll go back to medical school when I'm ready. :)
(And no, my university was not supportive at all. They were terrible. I file a complaint against them with OCR, and got them into a bit of trouble for all of it.)