I Wrote A Letter To My Daughter

[ISupportHer]

She Cat,

Just saw this thread for the first time and there are tears in my eyes. I can't describe how I felt as I read the progression of events. OMG, what courage to make that call. And then your description of the events that happened during the visit.

Things are not always easy or play out like a perfect picture but I just keep thinking, OMG, you did it even when scared sh**less!

Your sharing can be such a help to others!

 

[tude]

Wendy,

It warms my heart to hear such wonderful news. Words cannot express how happy I am for you.

tude

 

[Deleted member 541]

I want to add here......

Anthony mentioned to me, that this was a huge personal success......It was, but it was also a HUGE PTSD success also.....

Rejection is a really big trigger for me. One that will send me into a world of shit, I spiral, and become suicidal... I knew this when I sent my daughter the letter, but I also sent 3 other letters too. I desided when I got sick, that life is short, too short to let shit get in the way, and muddle up relationships that once meant so much to me.

So I sent out letters to 2 old friends that I have pushed out of my life for various reasons, and to one of my sisters.........

My sister and one friend has responded with positive replies, and we have agreed to *put things in the past*.... The other friend, well, I did hear from her, just today, but I'm not sure how that will go.

I just wanted to say....Although this was one of the hardest things I have had to do in a long time....I did it, and was willing to deal with the aftermath in a healthy way. I was determined to NOT let this become detrimental, and to let myself get out of control. I put myself out there, knowing full way that the outcome could have been really negative, but was willing to face rejection at any cost......

 

[BethRSA]

Wow She Cat:occasion:

Although this was one of the hardest things I have had to do in a long time....I did it, and was willing to deal with the aftermath in a healthy way. I was determined to NOT let this become detrimental, and to let myself get out of control. I put myself out there, knowing full way that the outcome could have been really negative, but was willing to face rejection at any cost......

I was standing amazed at your strength in getting back together with your daughter. Now, from what you are saying, I'm seeing even more strength, courage and unwillingness to settle for less than the best.

You're inspiring me! :Hug_emoticon: Beth

 

[Grama-Herc]

Watching you go through the various stages of your reunion with your daughter is bring back all the mix of emotions I had when I went through this. My heart overflows with joy for you. If I laugh at you sometimes it is only because I do know every emotion you are feeling and what comes next>

This has to be the most emotional roller coaster ride "I" have ever been on and I know you feel the same. Hang in there, is gets easier a little bit everytime the 2 of you talk. :) :) :) ;0

 

[cragger65]

She Cat, wow, you never cease to blow me away :) Don't take this the wrong way, but you got balls, girl!!! ;P

Impressed to no end,
Dave

 

[Deleted member 541]

Dave,

One of my better qualities...*.but you got balls, girl!!!* and one of the things that has caused so many problems in my life!!!!!! Double edged sword so to peak.....

 

[cragger65]

Yes, I could see how that would be. But the alternative is to cower, withdraw, avoid... you don't want to go there.

 

[Dylan]

She Cat/Wendy,

Thanks very much for sharing this enormous success. It hit very close to home....

I haven't seen my mother for 15 years. After 12 years, we did speak on the phone and email a few times, but more issues arose and....it's so very, very difficult to get through that wall. I can't imagine. But I'm also so worried about her passing before we have any kind of reconciliation. I harbor no hatred, no more blame and only occasional exasperation with the past (the way she translated her despair - chronic violence - was the primary cause of my CPTSD).

Anyway, your success really hit home with my own issues. I feel inspired, although honestly, more afraid and sad than anything. But in your success I see possibility for me, too, maybe.

Thanks,
Dylan

 

[Deleted member 541]

Dylan,

As a mother that has been without her child for 6 years, I can tell you this......There was a void in my life, that nothing could fill. There was a hole in my heart that I could not heal, no matter what I did. There wasn't a day, sometimes hours that went by, that I didn't think of my daughter and grandchildren......Complete and utter sadness, and pain when thinking about them....

Please don't think that this has been easy......There are still issues that are there. Actually the very one that caused us to become estranged form each other.... And, there are other issues that I am trying to deal with, as I am sure my daughter has issues with me also.....

I can't give you advice on what you should or shouldn't do, as this can be a very tough issue, and as individual as the people involved.....I can only say this.....Follow your heart, and do what you think that you should do...

I hope that you can resolve this issue, and can find peace in which ever way you choose.....

 

[Grama-Herc]

Dylan

I am also a mother who lived without her child for 12 years. We finally reunited 2 years ago but it took the birth of her child to make her realize the depth of a mothers love. Pride can get in the way and make that first step forward very difficult.

As Wendy said, I can't presume to give you advise. Every set of circumstances are different but I can say that I know for a fact my daughter is glad she made the first move. We still have issues. All families' have issues of some kind.

Don't wait until it is to late. That would be truly sad--for both of you

 

[Dylan]

Thanks SC/Wendy & GH for your posts.

I'm wrestling with this...trying to keep it on my radar (because I'm so very compartmentalized I can actually forget about this pressing issue for months, even years, at a time).

You're right, GH, I don't want to wait until it's too late...I'm thinking that, since writing/emailing and phone calls haven't enabled us to bridge the gap, perhaps I should just make the trip and just show up. I strongly suspect that my mother would just dissolve (she's highly emotional)...not sure why there is still so much resistant fear. Something I guess I need to look at.

Thanks again,
Dylan