I'd Like To Be Her Supporter

[ehsan]

Hi,

I'm a guy and my friend (f) is suffering from Link Removed. In short, 3 years ago she had a boyfriend and the relationship didn't go well and, according to her own explanation, it was like being raped. So, since then, she has mostly the following symptoms: cannot sleep at nights, waking up in the middle of night and sometimes it's with nightmares. She wants to stay in bed all the day and is not willing to go out.

As I would like to support her to overcome the ptsd, I decided to ask your suggestions to see how I should proceed. For the beginning of the process, as we are close to Easter holidays, I plan to take her out from her room and travel and do some sporty things together. But I know she will most likely refuse it because she wants to stay in her room and just lie on the bed and she is not really into any sport!
So what should I exactly do and more importantly I'm a bit worried about myself. I'm scared a bit if the support I'm gonna do, will affect my own life, resulting in for example sleep disorder and ....

 

[twinkle30]

You can't help her if she doesn't want to help herself. She needs professional help. I know you mean well but you are not equipped to help her. It will affect your own life because it will suck the life out of you.

 

[ehsan]

thanks for your comment, so you mean I should ask her to visit a therapist?
and could you please tell me what you exactly mean by sucking my life. I mean will I also somehow get into PTSD?

 

[twinkle30]

Yes a therapist that specializes in trauma/ PTSD. I mean it will consume your entire life.

 

[ehsan]

so you mean I should leave her? I'm really worried if I develop something similar in my mind

 

[Tanishq]

@ehsan you can still help her, but she will need to get diagnose from therapist for proper help.

You can learn about PTSD and be still helpful towards her. She has PTSD doesn't mean you should leave her. Think of this like she needs to see a doctor because you can't recognize her problems. Wish you well.

 

[Friday]

Has she been diagnosed with PTSD? There are quite a few different diagnosis that have those symptoms, not just PTSD.

Nope... You can no more catch PTSD from someone than you can catch depression, ADHD, autism, or any other neurological condition. PTSD requires both having lived through a Criterion A Trauma, and being affected by it for -essentially- the rest of your life.

(Unlike other conditions caused by trauma which are much shorter lived / have an expected recovery time of a few months to several years, but the person does completely recover. Part of why up in that first paragraph, an actual diagnosis is so important. Another reason being that not only is the timeframe completely different, but the best treatments are quite different.)

CritA = The person was exposed to: death, threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violence.

 

[ehsan]

She doesn't live her room! should I insist to take her out to change the location?!

 

[Tanishq]

Can you ask her that you will be taking her to therapist which will be good for her? Encourage her? So this way she can think that wherever she is going she will be fine. Also assure her that you will be with her during this outside time.

 

[Neverthesame]

What you are looking into is (for the sake of simplicity, let's pretend she has been diagnosed with ptsd) A relationship with someone who is likely to suffer from:
- Depression
- Insomnia
- crippling anxiety
- difficulty trusting you
- irrational fears
- anger (at you, God and or every other living thing on earth)
- Self loathing
- Self medication with alcohol and or drugs
- Isolating (Meaning she wants to be alone, away from you and every other living thing. For an indeterminate amount of time)
- Plus many more fun and exciting reasons for you to pull out your own hair.

I am not saying run for the hills. But she needs proper help. She needs to see a doctor who can assess her mental state. Then assess her best course of treatment. Most importantly, she has to want the help. If she is not ready for it, it will be a waste of time, and most likely be detrimental to her overall recovery.

I am not saying to run, not at all. But you need to be aware that if she has ptsd. It is going to be a very challenging relationship. If you are able to cope with it. Great. Do it. Just know you need to educate yourself, not just on how to best help her. But how to help yourself stay healthy. While you can't catch ptsd like a flu. The supporter role can be extremely stressful, emotionally and mentally taxing. You need to learn safe ways to vent frustration and stress.

Does that answer your questions?

 

[barefoot]

I honestly think if she really doesn't want to leave her house, you shouldn't pressurise her to do so. You could try some gentle encouragement - though if she doesn't like sports, I'm not sure you trying to get her to engage in some sporting activities with you is going to be a successful plan! But, ultimately, if she really doesn't want to go out, it probably won't help her if she feels under pressure from others. And her continued reluctance will probably become frustrating for you too! It may be that she doesn't feel safe anywhere else at the moment? Or she may be suffering from depression as opposed to PTSD, which probably puts a different spin on the situation?

You obviously care about your friend and want to support her, which is great. But what you think she needs, may not be what she does actually need. If she does have PTSD, I think one of the most helpful things would be for you both to find out as much as you can about it so that you understand it better. But, as others have said, she will really need to work with a specialist trauma therapist to make progress.

Best of luck to both of you!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Please try to encourage her to seek out therapy. PTSD isn't healed by time. If anything, symptoms only get worse over time if left untreated. It isn't a matter of "time healing wounds" as many believe.

If you do manage to take her out, don't take her to something she is uncomfortable with. If she doesn't like sports, don't encourage her to go to something sporty. I think that will backfire on you. The only way you're going to encourage her to get out is by doing something she wants to do. (She's not going to want to do anything sporty if she's not into sports.)