I'd Rather Be Here Than....

[Saphy]

I'd rather be here than be forced to watch my world fall apart.
However, I'd rather be strong enough to keep it all together... so, I'm here.

 

[LawPhotos]

I'd rather be here than in my childhood

I'd rather be here than in a flashback

I'd rather be here than still married to an abusive addict

 

[Sandra]

Isn't that the truth LawPhotos. I can sure relate to all of those.

 

[Sandra]

Living in the country istead of living in this big city.

 

[Deleted member 10686]

.....there. I'd rather be here than that old evil house, or the other old evil house, i'd rather be here than being hurt and tortured, i'd rather be here than anywhere near his disgusting presence. And i'd rather be here than in a flashback or nightmare of those times...

 

[Saphy]

.... I'd rather be here than that old evil house...

That reminds me of myself. The house my parents currently live in is the house where most of my abuse took place. Whenever I walk into any of the rooms, my overactive imagination seems to melt the walls and mold the scene into how the room used to look back in my childhood. It feels so real sometimes and I can see shapes of someone cringing in fear and just sobbing uncontrollably. As if I can see the most terrifying events of my childhood play out so seamlessly right in front of my eyes. Almost every room in my house has some awful, terrible memory to the point I can't stop crying every night I'm there. I'm not sure how to stop it, but I'd definitely rather be here where I'm safe than that evil evil house for sure.

I just wanted to know if anyone else gets these sort of vivid triggers and how they learn to break away from it. It's something I've been trying really hard to move past. I accept what happened to me under the circumstances, but I still can't escape the negative pull that the house has on me. Any tips?

 

[jo may]

Here than still feeling all alone and scared.

Here than having my horrific nightmare.

Here than feeling like a failure in eveyway.

 

[CraftyCath]

I'd rather being here than hiding the truth from everyone else.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Gosh, I relate to almost everything you guys have said...especially about preferring now, versus our childhoods!

 

[CraftyCath]

I sure wouldn't like to go back to my childhood -yuck!

 

[Sazza]

Here than wearing my mask and pretending to be someone that isn't broken

 

[Sandra]

I sure wouldn't like to go back to my childhood -yuck!

I can so relate to that.
Nope don't want my arm going through a wringer washing machine again. Or having my hair set on fire again etc etc.