Identifying As A Victim

[Amaranthine]

I learned a lot here. But l am confused. I was a victim but l shouted and hissed all the way and made su...

That was beautiful, Aut, it brought me to tears. You're amazing!

 

[aut555]

That was beautiful, Aut, it brought me to tears. You're amazing!

Thank you so much, l am in tears too. Omg

 

[shimmerz]

Took my T literally years to break down my 'I am okay, I had a perfect life' delusion. I was a victim. As a matter of fact, I was still a victim when he was helping me. It didn't do me any good at all to keep in denial about it.

I am not ashamed that I was victimized.

Honestly, if a quadriplegic lost use of their limbs due to an accident, it would be fair to say that he was a 'victim' of XYZ. It changed their life profoundly and there is an adjustment period there. And part of that adjustment period would most likely be processing what it was like to be a victim of XYZ.

I hate how anything to do with mental issues has this energy about it that does not allow us to take our time and allow ourselves to process in this way.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I hate how anything to do with mental issues has this energy about it that does not allow us to take our time and allow ourselves to process in this way.

Agreed!

I was indeed a victim of a crime and am still a victim of a crime, and will always be a victim of a crime...and have no issues with people that are victims or identify with victims.

My "judgement" (which wasnt a judgement) is of "victims" that stay victims, asking for pitty, waller in self pity, manipulated me, played on my empathy, and walked all over me, re-victimizing me.

 

[shimmerz]

"victims" that stay victims, asking for pitty, waller in self pity, manipulated me, played on my empathy, and walked all over me, re-victimizing me.

I think there might be, as far as my vocabulary goes, a different word for this. They may use the fact that they were victimized to justify that they are, underneath it all, a manipulative, self centred, piece of kak.

Victims are victims of XYZ and nothing erases that. To me, it is a fact. I believe it is the character underneath some that define whether they are self centred and exploit others.

 

[Rani G2]

When I was in a psychsomatic Clinic a few years ago, I met a few people out of all kinds of social backgrounds/classes, ethnic origins, sexual orientation and so on. Some of them, like me, were diagnosed with CPTSD. They/I had good stages in their/my life when Depression, Anxiety or OCD didnt affect in a very major way. Then again, something happend which affected us deeply so that we were coping with these symptoms once again. Maybe in a mildly form, now that we have learned how to deal with them.
I can only make my own subjective opinion, and based on my experiences I believe that the healing is an ongoing process, it varies, its not a final stage that I“ must“ reach so that I am finally healed. This might sounds strange, but sometimes, ideals of being healed is not always realistic(My own perception).This doesnt mean, I am accepting my own suffering, saying “I am not gonna do anything because I have been damaged in a severe way“.When I look back I see the developments, I see bad stages and good ones. The so-called selfpitiness also means that someone lacks Willpower, thats what many think, but its no final state. its a coping mechanism maybe in a sorrounding where no help is available, where no one understands, to even grasp the fact that change can be made is a very hard thing to do. When we only even have a snapshot of a understanding in the beginning, what it means to have another sense of self, it can be a struggle to keep on going.

If a child only gets to listen that he/she is a failure then alienation too is a part of the survival game. The encouraging that we humans need to cope in a healthier way is not always accessable for everyone. I had the chance, and yes I took the chance, and I am glad that the support is available here.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I find identifying as a victim very healing, I never allowed myself to for years but...

You are most definitely on to something. Because many times an abuser will be successful in convincing you that you are not a victim at all. When a victim finally identifies as such then a very important step is made: the step of understanding that there was real abuse, the step of acknowledging that a crime has happened: the step of understanding that despite aggression and denial the victim does finally realize that he or she was hurt by someone who intentionally did so and who intentionally attempted to convince the victim otherwise.

This is a very good post.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

When people tell me that I am a survivor not a victim I find it invalidating now.

I'd like to suggest that you might prefer the word 'victim' at this point because the word emphasizes that you were wronged - someone purposefully, knowingly hurt you - and that what happened was not in the least your fault.

This is a healing place for you right now.

You may eventually come to prefer the word 'survivor' after you've strongly established the former concept in your mind.

 

[Abstract]

I suspect , like many things, this is influenced by ones start point or default point. Along with many other things like personality trauma type etc. I can so see why it wouldn't be a healthy place for some people, Especially if they have rescue fantasies, struggle with adult self responsibility or other related issues. Without fault of course. I think whatever default we have has its down sides. Nothing is better or worse than the other, Within limits of course.

For someone like me who has always been intent on the fact that I AM FINE and who can't discuss my problems or ask for help there is value in admitting that ......... I still can't say it. I can now say it to myself at times but it seems not to others even in written form. I guess the very fact I feel its possibly a helpful thing is an enormous huge step for me. That doesn't at all mean that I think it is a sign of progress for everyone. I think it can be the opposite to an extent. If someone always identified themselves this way then healing tends to come in the opposite direction.

Denial identity and trauma history all affect this as well as where we are in life and in healing. For us. Whatever enables mourning healing and empowerment is what is right - for us as individuals.

Ironically therapy for many years consisted on me telling my therapist in various ways that I was fine. Whilst thinking I was working really hard and honestly at t.:rolleyes:

 

[aut555]

I suspect , like many things, this is influenced by ones start point or default point. Along with many...

So agree with this. I can't accept that l am not in control of my feelings at all times. So to talk to therapist means l am not in control. So at this point, then l had nightmares and did other stupid things. Now l am looking at my feelings and acknowledging that these are valid feelings wether l wish to share them or not.

 

[EveHarrington]

Here's another thought, about the difference between identity and identification.

For me, victim i...

Agreed.

I know I was a victim and I know I am a survivor------but at the same time I don't really identify myself as either.

 

[GypsyThatIWas]

I also like seeing myself as a victim but I don't know that it's a very healthy outlook--victimhood means I am deserving of pity (a hell of a drug) and absolved of responsibility for my own betterment. At least, when I take it to the extreme.