Identity After Complex Trauma Since Birth

[intothelight]

Hi Bratt,

I like your statement. I took one that was a bit modified:

I was born into this family and injured without a choice; however, as an adult I can prevent further hurt and injury, and replace my hurt and injury with healing.

I did not have choices then, but I have choices now.

Deb

 

[anthony]

There is no 'before the trauma' for me. I can't re-cover, I can only change parts of me that have always been diseased and crippled.

Change is hard, its not impossible.

What do you tell a child who is born in poverty, in Africa, survived a malnourished childhood due to famine, disease, the list goes on... and grows up surrounding by violence, and as they grow, getting old is something of a rarity within the country? Link Removed

Do they have PTSD, do they have pre-trauma knowledge? The answer is NO.

They don't have it unless they compare it against something outside of what they know, and when they compare it, their brain may develop PTSD by viewing their past as traumatic, when instead of also viewing their past as what they had, what skills and techniques they developed to survive that past...

What I am saying is, you can dwell on the past and get sucked into a spiral of self misery, sympathy and pity by looking at your past and talking about no prior trauma, etc... but you have completely skipped over every positive attribute that you obtained and built during this period in your life to survive, to be here on the Internet talking about it in the first place.

You can't change the past, but you can change the future, but you only have the present tense right now, to work with. So what choice do you make? Constantly look back at what you survived, taking only the negatives, looking back and only taking the positives, or looking back and acknowledging you experienced a traumatic upbringing, BUT, you survived it and now you have more control that you can make your life better for your future?

I know what my choice would be... Do you?

 

[freakofnurture]

I was listening to S. Hawkings talk about the "after" and how we will become a heated nothingness. Eeck. Makes my troubles seem slight!

Nothingness can have temperature? o.o

I like the thought that the sum total of energy in the universe is zero. I don't even know why. It feels so unreal. Careening through empty space, thundering into oblivion, our consciousness being a brief spark in the black sky, patently absurd, helpless and without a cause... What a ride! :D

I was born into this family and injured without a choice; however, as an adult I can prevent further hurt and injury, and replace my hurt and injury with healing.

I approve.

Do they have PTSD, do they have pre-trauma knowledge? The answer is NO.

Could you link the studies that show this?

I know what my choice would be... Do you?

Well, apparently I am working on it, so consider this question answered. The question remains, what that 'you' in 'do you' really is. Because how am I to accept myself and like myself if I don't even know what really is myself?

If you have any tips on how to feel less estranged from yourself I'd be thrilled to hear them.

 

[anthony]

You are you already... you just want to be a better you, that's the difference. You are talking about yourself as being someone you aren't, when that is impossible.

Buy "Clinicians Guide to PTSD" which contains lots of references to such material, citing this exact information. PTSD doesn't exist in many cultures because they have nothing to compare it with. Taking a Western society PTSD review into such cultures, asking them questions, can show PTSD up-to 60% + of a population, yet they don't experience the symptoms, they just meet the criteria and have the bare amount, ie. nightmares of past trauma, etc...

You cannot experience something unless you know something different also exists that is better, thus the brain can acknowledge comparison in order to create PTSD and such psychological indifference.

Yes, you seem to be doing quite well from reading... on your discovery and improvement... which is a reflection of your hard work and commitment to yourself to improve freak. Well done.

You just need to stop looking backwards on the past as a defining moment on your life, as you stated, there is no pre-trauma for you, so therefore your life is your life, your past is who you are today, BUT, you want to be a better you now, which you are working towards. That must be your focus, not the past itself.

When you have a pre-trauma adult knowledge, then you can use that, but when you don't, you need to leave the past alone as it is who you are, and focus on who and what you want to be instead, based on what you don't want to be due to your past. Past has purpose in cases, but not all cases... yours being such a scenario.

Most with early childhood trauma, its one thing to talk about traumatic events, but the majority don't have issue with the events... they have issue with the aftermath, the relationships, the social aspects, the emotions now, present tense... not past tense.

 

[freakofnurture]

You are you already... you just want to be a better you, that's the difference. You are talking about yourself as being someone you aren't, when that is impossible.

I will have to think a bit about this and all the other things you said in your post.

 

[scott_1971_h]

Once a very spiritual friend proposed to me that I had chosen my parents when I was just a spirit. I immediatly responded that I had not done such and why would I do such a crazy thing. Over the next several days I gave that idea a lot of thought.

I've thought about it, and so has Yeti. She used that concept to blame ME for CHOSING HER. I told her that if I chose her then I must be, as she says, certifiably nuts.

 

[anthony]

Scott, from your statement, I believe you have completely missed what was being directed at freak to help her specifically.

I have read your posts about your mother (or person you refer to as YETI), as all you have done is turned and directed anger towards them. Anger is a completely useless emotional response, which means you're ignoring the underlying emotions causing all this directed anger.

I keep reading the same thing from you... and the simple use of being derogatory towards her by reference as YETI, screams directed anger issues that continue to go unresolved. Seriously... has it actually helped you? I doubt it has if you honestly take a look inwards.

 

[BlueKitty]

PTSD doesn't exist in many cultures because they have nothing to compare it with. Taking a Western society PTSD review into such cultures, asking them questions, can show PTSD up-to 60% + of a population, yet they don't experience the symptoms, they just meet the criteria and have the bare amount, ie. nightmares of past trauma, etc...

You cannot experience something unless you know something different also exists that is better, thus the brain can acknowledge comparison in order to create PTSD and such psychological indifference.

- anthony

Hi Anthony,
I first of all would like to thank you for such insightful information. I was wondering the similar,
While physical punishment is the 'norm' in the country of my origin(where I was brought up during my childhood) - although I wouldn't consider that being held on a knife point from a parent and being hammered would still be on the extreme side - why is everyone else able to shrug off and move on saying "yeah my parents beat me badly when I was young, but whatever" while the past seem to be haunting my unconscious? I questioned: Who defines what's traumatic, and who defines what child abuse is? In that regard, is the ptsd DSM applicable for foreign-culture-raised people, like me?

Although I still had nightmares and some symptoms of ptsd during childhood, it was nowhere near the severity of those when I was in high school. As much as I dreaded being home, the daily beating until bruised blue&black and verbal/emotional abuse for reasons I could not understand were still 'normal' for me, that was the way it was supposed to be. Then I moved to the United States when I was 13, and suddenly I learnt about a peaceful home. Things got out of control when I was 14, only worsened by teenager's hormones. Yes, things changed from normal to traumatic once I became aware of the better. Now I am 20, struggling hard to discover my identity. Would this be considered a late-onset case?

 

[anthony]

Hi BK... the DSM is used globally, which replicated through the ICD, being the International standard, though most countries just use the DSM for diagnostics, as the ICD can get a bit "out there" at times and is more so, outdated, more often than not, than the DSM with its periodic updates. The DSM will update usually once between publications, so atleast every 5 years on average, where the ICD can go a decade or more without any change.

So yes, the DSM is relevant to all countries, or is mimicked via the ICD.

As you stated, you moved countries and could compare, what you endure was just not normal at all based on Western societies.

I could use Bangladesh as an example. The men within the country, it is normal for them to sleep with one another, and also their wife. Now that may sound traumatic to anyone looking in, and let me just say, when I was in the Army on operation with them, they had to have their own shower building, otherwise they would just enter yours, as that is their culture... have a shower after work, have some sexual fun with the guys. Great within their culture, didn't go so well when they started getting beatup by Americans, Australians, Brits, etc... for trying to join in their showers, wanting to touch and play. Just not male shower etiquette... but perfectly normal within their culture.

So that could be seen as traumatic to another, but normal to them, as that is their culture and how they're raised.

There are tribal cultures where its normal for the young teen male to perform felatio on the elder males, as part of a ritual. Normal within their culture... if they got pulled out of that culture, then some years later learnt that is what Western society deems abusive, their brain may then change and develop PTSD, as it now recognises what was normal as now abusive within their new environment.

It doesn't normally happen quickly, it can take a decade or more for the brain to change and accept the difference, decades even, sometimes there is no change and the person is often harder on others around them, as they find them soft or wimpy compared to what they have endured.

 

[freakofnurture]

Maybe it's a part of self-love to just say "I am who I am." and then try and make the best out of it. Just go with what feels good and see who that 'I' happens to be here and now.