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If I Could I Would..

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Id start playing music again. I lost my confidence after being abused and humiliated. I used to play drums and I can play stuff on guitar and a bit of piano. I was pretty good at it and it made me feel free.
man does this ring true. Sometimes I will go days or weeks without touching my instruments, walking by the best healing tools I know and not even glancing at them. And then when I do? It's magic, like riding a bike, I just fall away into doing something that is all consuming and before you know it I have been out of my thoughts and into positive creativity long enough to recognize how far back I would have to go to be where I was before........priceless.
 
If I could I would realize that what I expect from myself is so completely and bizarrely outside of the ballpark that no one on the planet could possibly want anything like that from me. I would also realize that I could tone it down a few ulcers and not disappoint a soul (outside of myself, that is).
 
Shift my ass into consistent gear and steer my brain back into the brain training program lane. My inner rebel or whatever doesn't want to cooperate now that we've started it. Luckily, it's on dvd so I can go at my own pace. C'mon, pace...let's shift out of neutral and give it some gas. This brain ain't gonna train itself, obviously. 😐
 
Move deeper into the country but closer to the coast. Grow fruit trees, vegie gardens, and plants for aesthetic appeal, and for bees, birds and other native critters, have a pottery, painting and maybe music studio (coz I am musically proficient) have chickens, ducks, a dam, creek and fish and frog ponds. Reveg, reforest, and grow harvestable timber trees (for my kid's or kid's kids to harvest, down the track). Live close to the ocean, go fishing, get a small dinghy, camp, have fishing holidays (lots of fishermen in my fam) teach my grandkids gardening and art (I'm an autist).
 
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Live a simpler life. Spend my days in a little cabin out in the woods growing and raising my own food and slowly shed modern equipment and make my own. Be able to spend my winter nights next to a wood stove reading and probably have a billion cats. Lol. I'm such a sucker for cats.
 
Move deeper into the country but closer to the coast. Grow fruit trees, vegie gardens, and plants for aesthetic appeal, and for bees, birds and other native critters, have a pottery, painting and maybe music studio (coz I am musically proficient) have chickens, ducks, a dam, creek and fish and frog ponds. Reveg, reforest, and grow harvestable timber trees (for my kid's or kid's kids to harvest, down the track). Live close to the ocean, go fishing, get a small dinghy, camp, have fishing holidays (lots of fishermen in my fam) teach my grandkids gardening and art (I'm an autist).
Sounds like wonderful grandparenting!
 
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