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If I could I would live and 'be' like someone without ptsd. I would be able to care for those who cared for me, I would make distance from those who abused me. I would defend myself. I would be able to live with ease & peace of mind and heart without fear and with freedom. I would not question goodness or joy & I would bring the same to others. I would relish how much easier things could be. I would live a full life and give much to others and leave much to others when I died.
End hatred, do cancer immunotherapy research, do the engineering and laboratory work then publish my HIV paper, make complex Japanese fireworks, learn advanced aerobatics, be a quiet physician and just do my work, repeat the NMR experiment for negative absolute temperatures for fun.