General If Such A Place Existed In Your Town...

[Angus McGee]

...would you go?

The place I'm envisioning is similar to a Community Center that specializes in helping those victims of abuse and their loved ones. I imagine it having a nursery for kids to play while their parents either just take a break with a cup of coffee, or even just sit. There would be people there who are familiar with PTSD, and can answer questions for sufferers and their families. I imagine some sort of courtyard with benches where people can come, and just mull things over in their head, and be left alone.

Then, a reference area with connections to women's shelters, therapists, churches, etc. if they wanted it.

You guys have been great, but I think that a face to face interraction with people who get it would go a long way. Plus, having a place where sufferers can just get away for an hour or two and just be.

I'm praying about it, and starting to talk to grant-writers about it, too.

I'd love your thoughts/opinions.

Thanks,

AMcG

 

[SerenaM]

I think it is a good idea, but it may need to be expanded to include other mental disorders as well, so that it isn't such a limited clientel. I think the idea of having a place to just go and be with other people who have been where you are and can understand would go a long way for some people. I also like the idea of having a place for the kids to go, because I know for me, that would be a huge restriction otherwise. I also love the idea of having a resource center there, and maybe even something like a library full of all kinds of helpful information and books and resources that people could turn to for comfort and help. I also think that including an on-site counsellor, just in-case, would be a good idea. Maybe even a clergy person, for those who are religious. Like you said, someone that they could talk to if they needed someone just to listen. Anyway, I think it is a great idea, and I hope you are able to find the grants to make it happen!

 

[OKRADLAK]

I think it's awesome. You are a great person to be doing this!!

Personally, I am usually so filled with shame and so "weird" that I am not sure I would go. I would feel even more alienated by being around people. I wish I could be accepted "as is, " but we live in a harsh harsh world.

If we can only wear one kind of clothes or cannot take a decent shower regularly or can't make eye contact, or can't talk a lot BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN ABUSED, it does not matter why you are like that.

People can't make exceptions in their emotional reactions just because I am a survivor. Emotional reactions are often automatic and first impressions last. Even my own family refuses to see me as anything but "crazy" no matter if were to get 5 PhD's.

But I am probably on the far end because I have had little or shoddy help. So I still think you should do it!

 

[Angus McGee]

Thanks, OKRADLAK. I haven't done anything yet, tho.

I wouldn't want you to NOT want to go for fear of not being accepted. If you wanted to just go and sit quietly by yourself, that would be an option. The number one thing I would insist on is that there is NO pressure to talk to anyone, or have anyone initiate a conversation, unless there was a problem like the person was being disruptive, etc., However, if you only could afford to live in a place with roommates, or if there was no place you could go for quiet, this would be the place to go.

People would be there to talk to, but only if you wanted to. And, those who love you could go there, and have others there who understand, and could answer questions.

I've run into a ton of well meaning people, but they just. Don't. Understand. That would be very important.

Things are still in the way preliminary phase...

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

I love your idea Angus.

It reminds me of the carers days that are available in my area 3 or 4 times a year. We have to pay £20 and for that you can have a forty minute treat session (back & shoulder massage, healing, indian head massage, reflexology etc), tea/coffee and homemade biscuits in the morning then cake in the afternoon, home cooked lunch and somewhere to spend quiet time either being creative or having a relaxation and tai chi session.

As you see it's a very structured day if you want it or you don't have to do anything if you don't want to There is a lovely courtyard where you can just sit and there is someone available to talk to if that's what you want.

I think the biggest hurdle for people with PTSD to overcome is the going somewhere new and meeting people. However, I do think somewhere with a few activities such as a pool table, a gardening plot and some art and craft materials would be helpful. It's easier to start chatting if you are involved in some form of activity with others.

The nursery would be such a bonus!!

Good luck with the planning. :tup: :)

 

[Angus McGee]

A game room is a good idea. Thanks.

 

[amethist]

If this kind of retreat existed in my town Angus, I would be there this minute. I would even bake for you every couple of days.

Amethist

 

[Froggie]

This idea is great Angus, it has a good positive and constructive perspective for hurt people and their close ones. I'm sure there would be ways to permit those who don't want to lose their anonymity, like another center where they could meet professionals to talk about their situation. This really makes sense.

 

[Lucycat]

It sounds good and makes perfect sense.... but.
No I would not use such a centre.

I cannot even pick up a leaflet about PTSD or abuse in public - for fear that I would be stigmatised. I don't want anyone to see me. I don't want people to know about me. I don't want people making assumtions or judgements about me. I am afraid of my past.

So, as much as I think your idea is great, and would be used by many, I am afraid I will stick to the anonymity of the forum.

 

[Angus McGee]

The very last thing I want is to pressure anyone. My vision would be to have it there if you wanted it. Lucycat, would you meet someone at a Starbucks, or some place? I am finding the value of a face to face environment rather than just words on a screen. But, we all are in different places, and I don't mean geographically.

 

[goingonhope]

Yes, I too would go to someplace like this, and I'd wish to get involved, participate, chat, contribute to and really support and help protect such a place.

I remember in my 20's I spent a significant amount of time having coffee and conversation with a number of people that I considered interesting and yet safe people as well.

It was interesting how both they and I gravitated toward one another in spirit, friendship and conversation. Interesting, ......due to them and I being typically very, very different people with very, very different life experiences.

They were usually alot older then I, generally men but women as well, and they were veterens of war, veterens and survivors of traumatic life ordeals and/or neglectful, abusive crimes and childhood, ...or part or all of it.

Such people and myself seem to still gravitate toward one another and may strike up great conversation. The chief difference is now I don't leave the house, yard or neighborhood, nearly as much.

Yet when I do, I am alot better self-protected now, ..wiser, ..I am more secure, have chatted and can sometimes still do so with a wider range of people, ....(more women, younger people, ...& both women and men my own age), while not being and feeling completely lost and clueless in various conversations. Nor do I fear and/or am I terrified that I possibly am their next victim.

Now since my auto accident 2 yrs. ago, I haven't been able, ...felt able, and or sometimes been willing to have much conversation at all.

Back to the original question. Would I go if such a place existed in my town. Absolutely up for such, and for such challenge, ...(when not too seriously disheartened, discouraged or depressed), which is not always.

 

[yomama]

I think it's a great idea. There need to be more community resources that cater to trauma-sufferers. This may be beyond the scope of your idea, but thought I'd throw in a story to broaden the discussion:

Last year, a friend of mine with severe complex trauma was dealing with intense flashbacks and wanted a safe place to process it through. She didn't want to burden her partner and young son with the scary intensity she was experiencing, so she checked herself in to the only lock-down mental health facility in town, which happened to be a drug/alcohol treatment center. She had some alcohol issues and thought it might help with that, too. However, the program had ZERO understanding of trauma, PTSD, and catering to her individual needs. The facility ended up triggering her PTSD worse than before, and she left feeling frustrated, hopeless, unsupported, and additionally stressed out because she was still dealing with intense flashbacks. She couldn't afford a hotel room for any extended period of time, nor did any of us think that was a safe option (to be completely alone during her processing.)

What she really needed was a quiet, affordable place with a private room, calm environment free of bright lights or buzzers, and staff that could support her needs without imposing demands/expectations of her performance. She already had a therapist, she just needed people who could check in occasionally. Otherwise she knew what she had to do and needed a safe space to do the hard work ahead. There was literally no place in the community for her to do this work in a environment that understood trauma. She ended up cobbling her own plan together with the help of a handful of friends, but it was very difficult and not entirely satisfying.

I'm sure there are all kinds of logistics and legal complications to running a 24-hr therapeutic space, but I thought I'd throw in the idea because I suspect my friend is not the only one who would utilize it.