Can anyone else relate and/or share insight? In my therapy we do IFS and discovered a very very angry part. Extremely disadvantaged upbringing, I won't go into the whole story, but one of the themes in it is domestic violence. My mothers partner was a very dangerous man and used to beat her endlessly whilst my twin brother and I watched. He had served time in prison for years and was fresh out when he met my mother. Anyway during my therapy session it came out that I refuse to allow myself to get angry (until I explode) because I confuse anger with violence. As a teenager I used to self harm to deal with my anger, now that we are looking at it in therapy I am angry all the times, I ashamed to say that I have been disrespectful to my partner not violent but name calling which is disgusting behavior when I explode. I am so ashamed of my anger and I am scared of everyone's anger that if someone gets angry with me that's me off. My partner is the only one who sees my anger and my therapist. We discovered recently that I explode to warn people off because I fear (sorry if this sounds dramatic but its my somatic experience) being killed. when I was younger living with that man I do remember feeling I was going to be killed, to the point I tried to do it so I wouldn't have to live in anticipation. now as an adult and mother of two I have to find ways to deal with this anger and I haven't got the faintest idea. I feel toxic, I feel out of control where my anger is concerned. I spend so much time trying to contain it and not react but it wears me down to the point I explode in the end. Has anyone felt this way and did ye find useful ways in managing your anger?