I'm A Little Scared

[Sammyiam]

i am going to have an operation tomorrow, it's nothing much just an operation on my shoulder nothing life threatening or major organs getting taken out. But as I sit here with one more sleep to go I'm just a little scared. Maybe a bit more than a little bit.

It's not that I'm worried about the pain, that doesn't worry me at all not even a little bit. It's the loss of control, the loss of me knowing who is going to touch me, the not being awake and laying there while people are close to me, and the fact I cannot control any of it. I am terrifried of people touching my neck I always have been since very little and the thought of them operating near it terrifies me.

I know it sounds really stupid and it sounds like I am a stupid loser who is worried about nothing. I carnt even put a total handle why it worries me so much, it's like I'm scared that I won't wake up because I'm a bad person and that something bad is going to happen because I'm a bad person and I deserve to have bad things happen to me, so it will happen because I deserve it.

I just cannot get it out of my head that something really bad is going to happen to me, because that's all I deserve to have happen to me - is bad things wether it be this time or something really soon. It's just going to happen to me soon and it really scares me so much.

I'm sorry for sounding so stupid

Take care everyone

Sammy

 

[Stickler]

You deserve to have a pain-free shoulder and an easy surgery.
:hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[barefoot]

I don't think you're stupid for feeling anxiety before having some surgery. Not at all.

How great it will be for you if this operation sorts out whatever problems you've been experiencing with your shoulder - that will be brilliant!

As Stickler says, you absolutely deserve to be pain-free and for the surgery to be successful. Warm wishes to you :-)

 

[J_trustno1]

Hi Sammy, I'm really sorry thatyou are struggling right now. I feel for you and can understand your worries and fear. It is all the trauma that you went through and now the loss of control is worrying you. I know it's hard not to think about it over and over again but please think of it as a way of healing your shoulder and living with pain-free shoulder. Note: you are not a bad person and yes you will wake up the next day. It's all your fear and anxiety getting in the way. Wish you very best foe surgery and healing. Take care, try taking deep breaths and try getting some sleep before the operation. You'll be okay. Let us know how it all went after the operation. I'll be praying for you and my thoughts are with you :hug:s :).

 

[Kailani]

It is sooooo normal to feel that way before surgery!!!! Hope it goes great and helps with pain and movement later!!! You don't seem like a bad person to me!!!! You seem wonderful and I hope you have the best life has to offer!!! Hope you have someone to help you do things for a bit after the surgery!! Time for you to be spoiled!!!! Take care! Prayers for you.

 

[digger]

PTSD or no PTSD, past abuse or no past abuse, to have some anxiety before surgery is a perfectly normal response that the majority of people will feel. Step back and check if you'd criticise anyone else for feeling it or if you'd think it was an understandable response.

Add in a trauma history and your response is even more understandable, not less.

I had to have a procedure done a couple of years ago which required me to be sedated. The actual procedure wasn't what scared me, it was the lack of control that you've identified yourself.

Are the people involved in your surgery and aftercare aware of your PTSD and concerns?

Hope it all goes well and fixes the problem with the shoulder for you xx

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Nothing wrong with you at all in my opinion, I think the out of control factor is going to be bringing up natural fears. Having surgery is a anxiety provoking experience for most people in my opinion.

You are a sweetheart and I hope you get much healing from this surgery. Kudos to you for taking this major step for your health.

 

[Sammyiam]

Thank you everybody, I've just had breakfast, it's 6 am nothing else to eat and I am going in at 11 for pre op etc then surgery at 1 pm. I'm very lucky to have my physiotherapist come with me when I get to the recovery room. She is coming down and will be there when I wake up, and she knows about my past. She is the most wonderful physio and I have been with her for a few years now. She works at the place sometimes so she is allowed in the recovery room with me so I am very lucky to have her.

Thanks everyone I will come back on and let you all know how I get on. I'm feeling better after reading all your replies. Hopefully you will see me tomorrow.

Take care everyone

Sammy

 

[StarChild]

Dear @Sammyiam, I lit a special candle for you. To calm your heart and soothe your mind. And since you've got a strong green (I LOVE IT) in your avatar pic, I chose a crazy green candle for you. Crazy as in strong, "protective, life-affirming, make-you-smile crazy-green"! It will burn for 12 hours. So you should be covered during the preparations, the super well going surgery and the pleasant anesthetic recovery! :tup: You're not alone. :hug: Thinking of you. :hug:

 

[Sammyiam]

Thank you so much @TreeHugger i will be thinking of you all, and we have our KK' s to open so I have to be alright :)
We have to set a date for the KK part two.

Thank you
Sammy

 

[Mel (Hippo256)]

Oh that's good! It really helped me when my partner was with me until I slept and was there when I woke up. Was a lot better than the time he wasn't allowed that. And the physiotherapist really knows you, so I think I can compare it a little. It gives you a lot more control too, because that person can also see what you need and nag if necessary. I wish you a lot of luck and I'm glad someone will be going with you. Sounds like you're well prepared. Usually they also give patients a calming pill before surgery, do you get that too? Maybe it helps. And it also shows that it's normal to be afraid, especially when you have PTSD. I think you can be really proud of yourself that you're taking this step!

 

[mrsps]

Hi Sammy

Will be thinking of you today. So glad to hear your physiotherapist will be there for you.
take care :)