I'm a loser....

[J_trustno1]

I feel crap right now and think I don't deserve to be here. All my life I've been striving too hard to get no where. Got no friends, no career, no family except for brother and mother.

I have couple of degrees but they never helped me get a job. I applied for over 500 jobs and landed on one job which was simply data entry. Now I feel that I just belong to restaurants cleaning toilets or being a supermarket employee.

I have no friends. People come into my life but leave maybe I'm just good for nothing. I hate it now. Guys in my class don't talk to me because I chose not to date them, girls (only two girls in class) don't want to associate with me without any reason. I got sexually assaulted a month ago by a guy I was dating. WTF! I don't belong anywhere.

People my age have careers, relationships and house, while all I have is qualification, unemployment, no friends, and history of abuse.

I'm just shit. I hate my life. Mum's narcissistic brother was right that I will be a "nun" and my father was right that "I'm useless and dumb and won't have a career". These people predicted my life too well and this is exactly what's happening.

Edit: I stopped exercising 3 months ago and now forcing myself to go to the gym. Been having migraines for the last 2 weeks and insomnia for over 2 months. I'm gaining weight, my physical and mental health is going down. I applied for funded therapy and will be seeing a new counselor on Tuesday.

 

[BlueDream]

Forget those ppl, they're assholes!!
You're a very caring person, I can tell from your posts. And you have certainly accomplished a lot as far as your education is concerned. I'm still trying to figure out what I wanna be when I grow up, and I'm 44. lol.....ugh!

Please don't feel like you don't fit in here, I think you bring so much to this group of ppl, & I for one am glad you're here. I'm sure everyone agree too.

 

[ladee]

One thing I know is that loosers don't share and reach out for validation and encouragement. So you are not a looser.
It takes time and work to replace the old messages with positive self talk. We don't believe it when we first start.
But slowly we start to see progress and really come to believe just because 'they' said it doesn't make it the truth.
By changing how we see our self and allowing others to encourage and validate our growth, it becomes our new truth.
You are not a looser. You are frustrated, possibly depressed, but you are here taking risks to be heard. I hear you. But I don't hear a looser. I hear someone who is trying to untangle the lies.
It took courage to post. Loosers don't have courage!!.
Gentle hugs if you accept them.

 

[GrayOwl]

I'm on break ( in my supermarket job..lol) so I don't have much time. I'll get back later.
Just wanted to say I like your posts and seeing you here too. I'm off work in a couple hours so I'll come back then. Life seems shitty at times - there are ways to improve it. And view it better. I'm tired of assholes right now too and lots of dead end sh*t. Hoping things improve for you - and me too - sometime soon. Ttyl8r.

 

[NatBird]

@J_trustno1

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I recognise what I am going to summarise as a sense of worthless, please do correct if I have misunderstood. I too, at times to often feel like this.

If we grow up with significant people in our lives filling us up with negativity about ourselves then we tend to believe it their bullshit.
It makes sense that despite your achievements you still experience yourself as worthless.

I don't need to know you, to know that YOU ARE NOT A LOSER OR WORTHLESS. Everyone has value. Everyone. That includes you.
I am sure there are many people that have valued you posting this message.

In my own experience I seen how my own lack of self value has caused/s me to behave in ways that contribute to having, or perceiving myself as having no friends or people interested in connecting with me. Here's the sequence: feeling worthless - not good enough - isolating/avoiding - no friends.

I can how a part of that is me not feeling worthy enough of connection.
I am wondering if you have a similar experience?

The forum is a great place to be to get identification, support and people who will affirm your value.

I'm wishing you well and sending affirmation of who you are...that is not a loser.

 

[NatBird]

--will add the 'everyone has value' IMO.

 

[expectingbetter]

I will tell you I can relate to almost everything you told about yourself. Like you were describing my story!
I know exactly how you feel as I am so often there too but I am also fighting so hard to stay on my feet despite all circumstances.

The thing is that it is not about somebody's value if they will succeed or no, we see all the time people who don't worth at all and they do have very successful careers and families.

I am glad you will start seeing new counselor, I hope that one will be the right match for you! And that would help you to start feeling like you really are worthy despite current situation which is hard.

Please feel free to PM me any time you want if you would like to talk to someone who is in very similar situation!

Thank you for sharing your story!