I'm Afraid Of Showing Signs Of Recovery Fearing That My Family Might Think I Was Faking My Ptsd

[Kashi]

So it's really giving me a hard time to actually recover. Like if I show any sign of recovery, I fear it might be taken as me "slipping up on my act".

I don't really have a good history with my family; but they don't claim to remember the bad times I've had with them. So I'm just afraid of them accusing me of lying to get attention.

 

[Emily18]

I'm sorry, it doesn't sound like your family is supporting you at all.

You should put your needs and recovery first though. Your family only has so much influence on you and they can only exert that control for so long. It will stop eventually, but the recovery process doesn't need to. Your being happy and feeling safe is more important in the long run.

We support you here and I wish you all the luck in the world. :)

 

[macca]

It's tough to try and get through without family support. Sounds like they will think what they like, regardless. In a way, perhaps you are putting them first, as you are viewing your recovery through the lens of "how will they react". If you have any way of putting more distance between them and you as you recover, that might help, though I know it isn't always possible. Put your own needs first - and do what is important to you - it doesn't sound like they will put your needs on a priority, so you need to do it for yourself. Easier said than done I know. I'm struggling with it too, big time. I'm beginning to work out what I need to do, but putting into action is harder. Meanwhile, you will always find support here! :)

 

[ms spock]

Do you have a support network outside your family?

 

[arfie]

Perhaps the most important step in my personal recovery was learning to self-evaluate. Not isolate and closing myself to outside influences, but to measure my own recovery by my own daily inventory. I seek reality checks daily, but healing is as personal as life gets. When outside opinions get under my skin, I put them on my daily inventory until the why of it unravels, but it is still personal. I am the holder of the key facts of my personal dysfunctions, even when I can neither see, nor understand them.

A broad support network helps allot in this endeavor.

 

[Abstract]

Do you think this is some sort of invalidation injury that you are protecting? Do you think internally, you are hoping for nurture from them from being unwell and that will change if you are better? Or maybe that if you are more well they will treat you in a different way. Possibly aggressively if that has been the case before.

 

[The Albatross]

Let me get this straight, you would risk your own recovery to protect your family's perception of you? Perhaps it is time to get some resolve and detachment skills. In recovery for substance abuse/addiction: the underlying theme is "we must or it will kill us, cause us to become wet brain or insane, or imprison us."

Perhaps the difficulty with recovering from mental illness is that in a lot of cases, there is no sense of immediacy. I did not switch out of the substance abuse mindset when I started on my PTSD recovery explorations.

So far as being afraid, I'm afraid of a lot of things but I still do them anyways. If the worst thing happened and you were accused of lying to get attention - what would that really look like?

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

This sounds as if you are also doubting your own PTSD. I don't mean to criticize you! :) But I've been at that exact same spot. I have months where I'm suddenly feeling much better, where there is less anxiety and more ability to deal with people in a normal and laid back way. When this happens I'm also scared that they will take me less seriously.

But it wasn't them questioning me, it was me being unsure of myself. There was a little voice inside of me that was saying "you're just faking it, weirdo, you're desperate for attention, so cut it out". This is just the voice of the past, a little devil sitting in your shoulder. As soon as I started to take my own PTSD seriously and not doubt it, the devil dissapeared.

Maybe they do question you. But it will be easier for them to doubt you, if you are also doubting yourself. In that case, they will just see their doubts being affirmed by yours and become more convinced that it's a show. So I think the best thing is to become confident of yourself. You are not a liar or an actor, you are yourself, PTSD included but also lots of other qualities :)

 

[Echo]

As a result of not bonding with my mother at birth and her attachment disorder, which results from her childhood problems, she has always related to my needs, from a baby onwards, as being a nuisance, done deliberately to annoy her and fake. She has never believed it when I've been ill or hurt myself. She is unable to empathise with most of my other siblings either. It has left me minimising any problems or illnesses I've had and apologising for them.

It took me quite a while to realise how serious a state I am in, and I went off to see my therapist convinced that I was going to be the least worst client she had. With my diagnosis and my subsequent symptoms, I've been shocked into seeing things more clearly.

I don't know your family background, but I just offer this, in case you've had your experiences belittled and criticised constantly, too, so that you fear you won't be believed, as I do in my family setting. The important thing is that you know you are not a liar or lying about this. I hope your therapist will be able to help you with sorting this out by giving you some strategies.

 

[Hashi]

Do you live with your family? How much influence do they have in your life?

 

[ms spock]

When we change it is a challenge to the relationships around us.

 

[Kashi]

This sounds as if you are also doubting your own PTSD. I don't mean to criticize you! :) But I've been at that exact same spot. I have months where I'm suddenly feeling much better, where there is less anxiety and more ability to deal with people in a normal and laid back way. When this happens I'm also scared that they will take me less seriously.

...

Maybe they do question you. But it will be easier for them to doubt you, if you are also doubting yourself. In that case, they will just see their doubts being affirmed by yours and become more convinced that it's a show. So I think the bestthing is to become confident of yourself. You are not a liar or an actor, you are yourself, PTSD included but also lots of other qualities :)

I think it was my own self-doubt that made me make this topic. I have a loving mother (although I'm unsure of my siblings' affections) who helps me through everything. I don't know what I'd do without her. Anyway, I think you're right. I've always had issues with self-confidence; my therapist thinks so too.

Perhaps the most important step in my personal recovery was learning to self-evaluate. Not isolate and closing myself to outside influences, but to measure my own recovery by my own daily inventory. I seek reality checks daily, but healing is as personal as life gets. When outside opinions get under my skin, I put them on my daily inventory until the why of it unravels, but it is still personal. I am the holder of the key facts of my personal dysfunctions, even when I can neither see, nor understand them.

A broad support network helps allot in this endeavor.

I'll keep that in mind, thanks.

Do you live with your family? How much influence do they have in your life?

My mother is genuinely sweet and nurturing; my dad is very distant from my family; my brother and sister help out, but only because my mom gives them money to---I really don't think they wanna help me.