I'm Closer To Suicide Than Ever

[DaneLover]

I have depression and PTSD following a fatal car accident where I stopped and tried to help, but a person passed away in a terrible manner. Even though that was almost 7 years ago, I still suffer from guilt and shame surrounding the accident. I have seen the same T for 6 1/2 yrs and they have been a great help to me, but I frequently find myself with SI and major depression. These past few days have been particularly difficult and is the first time that I have actually thought of a solid plan to follow through with the SI. I also began drinking more than normal a couple years ago and have already had 3 or 4 doubles today. I am due to see my T this evening, but I just can't shake my desire to take all of my sleeping pills and being done with everything. I have never attempted suicide or harmed myself, but the SI is so strong right now that I have a plan. Though I will be seeing my T is less than 5 hrs, it feels like the day is moving along like molasses. I have also been unable to work the last 2 days. I haven't felt this lost in a very long time.

 

[ladee]

Well you Have reached out and that takes more courage than you are giving yourself credit for.
If you can't wait..
Call a crisis hotline. Or call your T and let them know that you have a plan
I have been where you are, as have many many people here.
Do you feel you are going to harm yourself ?? If so. Please call the crisis hotline and speak to someone.
Let us know how you are

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I agree with ladee. Distract yourself with something you love if at all possible. Sending you healing thoughts. Glad you reached out.

 

[Deleted member 39333]

And please, get someone to drive you to your appointment tonight.

 

[ladee]

Yes...thank you @Lynn49...not a good idea to drive with as much as you have drank today. If nothing else..please think of not only yourself..but others who may come to harm.
That would be a horrible irony.