I'm dating a much older man: it seems like a really decent relationship but i don't expect to last

[foreveralone2099]

Again, you blame others instead of taking responsibility for your actions. This isn’t your T’s fault. You are at fault because YOU fail to make the effort to change. You expect others to fix you. That isn’t how it works...

this seems like double think -- someone in this thread tells me i'm victim blaming because i'm comparing myself favorably to another DV survivor then i'm told to take initiative and fix my problems?? there's a real lack of critical thinking and rationality in this thread. i'm open to being wrong, i wouldn't have posted here unless i weren't willing to explore the issue, but so far not much good insight, just You Are Wrong.

 

[Deleted member 541]

If you don’t like what I have to say, then put me on ignore. I call it as I see it.....You like to blame everyone for what’s going on with you. You don’t take responsibility for your actions....

 

[foreveralone2099]

If you don’t like what I have to say, then put me on ignore. I call it as I see it.....You like to blame everyone for what’s going on with you. You don’t take responsibility for your actions....

you're not even bothering to read my posts.

i want someone to discuss the issue with me instead of offering up an opinion based on a knee jerk emotional reaction. no one can tell me WHY i'm wrong, just that i am.

 

[Deleted member 541]

UMMMMM. We have... low self esteem, no self respect, abused, skewed thinking. Ect ect

 

[foreveralone2099]

those are just descriptors, it doesn't mean anything on its own. it's not an argument.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Hahahahahahahahah. OMG!!!! I’m out, you don’t want help, you want to argue, you want to be right, No wonder people take advantage of you and don’t respect you.....

 

[foreveralone2099]

how can i want to be right if according to you i have no self esteem?

 

[Gs172003]

Let me say it again. You think it's ok to sleep with an abused woman man, claim it's "healthy", blame her for her abuse, and see no problem with any of this and want US to tell you why it's not alright? Honestly...I don't think you want to hear it.

But....
Could it be you are trying to prove how much better and more in control you are than that woman is because you are "doing so much better" and "don't expect anything?" to yourself? And as far as that man....He's a douche.

 

[Justmehere]

A number of people have actually gone to great lengths to explain the dangers and damage done by having an affair.

If it’s still unclear, try asking his partner. I’m sure she can explain the problems with having an affair with him quite well.

What’s up with your therapist? Are they trained in treating trauma? Have you told them, point blank, you don’t feel like they are helping?

 

[Fadeaway]

What where you hopping to get by starting this thread?

 

[foreveralone2099]

A number of people have actually gone to great lengths to explain the dangers and damage done by having an affair.

where?? i still see no drawbacks. i think the girlfriend should know but i don't have control over that. i stay away from married men, especially with children. since he doesn't want to leave her and he won't tell her, i'm happy to help make sure she doesn't find out, especially if it would hurt her. i think he's being dumb and i told him so but that's as far as my responsibility extends in this situation.

people are imperfect, i just want to be happy. this guy obviously has issues in his current relationship that he doesn't want to confront. it's not my job to dictate moral perfection to the people around me; I can complain but i can't change their behavior.

 

[foreveralone2099]

What’s up with your therapist? Are they trained in treating trauma? Have you told them, point blank, you don’t feel like they are helping?

doesn't address issues, just tells me i'm doing great then bills me. it's dumb. she's too busy to see me regularly too so nothing gets accomplished. i'm shopping for someone else.

frankly i can't afford therapy and my life sucks therefore i am in this compromising relationship which makes things marginally better but is admittedly not perfect.

was hoping for some insight, "there is an experience imbalance" is a good insight, I've thought of that too. "this is playing off your personal insecurities," is another. i'm willing to accept that. the value judgments aren't so useful however. it doesn't boil down exactly to, "this guy is using you," because that's too simplistic.