I'm giving up on the idea it'll ever be better

[Friday]

It's highly misunderstood in my experience.

In western culture, most definitely.

Although the adrenaline, euphoria, & flooding endorphins (natural opiates, released by the brain in response to pain) has been used by the Christian church for over a millennium, via self-flagellation / scourging… the church has largely fallen out of favor/power… so it’s preferred versions of self harm for personal gratification / peace have also fallen out of the respected to the reviled.

A TREMENDOUS number of other cultures still honor self harm in myriad ways. Only tattooing & certain degrees of piercing, & endurance sports (marathons, and similar), and starvation, have kept respect in the West.

 

[user27357]

I like the way @Friday described not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Without a light, it feels like a pit. Others see the light, others may have even thought it was a pit once. Without that first glimpse we would be foolish to believe it is not a pit. But knowing others see a light makes it at least possible to believe there is one.
I just wanted to say to you that I thought it was a pit once too. And again, many many more times since I glimpsed the light. Not preaching a religion, I am an atheist, not preaching an education, I am mostly trained on the job, not preaching anything really and I hope you can accept my simple advice cause thats all this is.
It gets better if you try. It doesn't if you don't. trying is hard, but you will have something for your efforts even if it is just the knowledge that one attempt failed and you won't have to try that path again.
Look around at people who see the light at the end of the tunnel and know that when you get a glimpse it will be just that much brighter for you because you made it happen.
For me, anger and frustration and self criticism and blame were the motivations to act and action made things change, finally. I hope you find your way @HollowLavender