I'm Going Back To College!!!

[Leah123]

Hi all!

I love this forum thread!

I dropped out of high school when I was 17, due to a storm of PTSD symptoms, which sadly, I didn't know I had at the time, making it even worse. I just thought I was going crazy. It was a nightmare for several weeks as I was overwhelmed with flashbacks, dissociation I couldn't shake, anxiety, nightmares, etc.

However, I rallied and began college at 18, getting part way through an Associate's degree.

I had to change priorities after about a year, relocate, find new work, etc.

At the ripe old age of about 30, I returned to college and earned my Associate's.

Then a health crisis and consuming new job caused me to change my priorities again.

It's been a hard few years, but things are easing up again, and with some encouragement, I decided to obtain my Bachelor's in Journalism. Today, I received my course schedule, with a target graduation date of March, 2015. I am THRILLED, and I feel so happy. Happier than I've felt in quite a long time. I LOVE learning, I love school, and I love feeling that I'm on my way to accomplishing something so important to me. I've done fine in my career, but haven't been fulfilled or had jobs I love. Now- I think I will.

Hooray!

 

[Pencil]

Stunning! I'm very happy for you :happy:

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Wow, you sound like a fighter, in a good way. Despite all the setbacks you still know what you love and you are going for it, even if it takes time.

I've been trying to get my bachelor's degree forever and sometimes I feel hopeless because it takes so much time, and I feel like I will never finish, but you just changed my mind. Kudos!!

 

[franciemarnie]

That is so cool. You are one of those people who never gives up!

I love the Winston Churchill story of how he was all washed up in middle age and considered by others in politics and society as a failure. He thought his chance in history was gone too.

During the 30's when he kept warning Parliament to look out for Hitler, they were like - yeah yeah whatever. We know what happened of course. He became a legendary statesman, etc.

So his alma mater asked him to give a speech to the graduating class when he was old and grey. The audience was on pins and needles as he slowly approached the mike to give what could only be a genius address. He stood a moment surveying the crowd and then said, "Never never never give up." Then he slowly crossed the stage and sat back down.

Congratulations!

 

[Leah123]

Oh my gosh, franciemarnie, thanks for that awesome, wonderful analogy. I love it!!!

 

[Leah123]

Well, I'm feeling completely horrid, but.... gonna see if faking it til I make it works, so here goes:

I earned an A in my first course. If I can manage my classes until March 2015, I will have the bachelor's degree I always wanted, and maybe be able to launch myself into a new career.

I did a great job managing my mother's visit in my house for a week. I struggled, and didn't sleep well, but I made huge progress dealing with her and my feelings about her.

I shared all kinds of intensely painful conflicts with my therapist, including ones about our relationship. I was brutally honest, and it mostly worked out.

I shared my very painful past again with my husband to get some support and it worked out well.

I managed my daughter's sleep difficulties beautifully. I was stressed, exhausted, hopeless, but through all my feelings, I did not have a bad outburst. I wasn't perfect, but I did a pretty good job, and she's doing better every night getting back to our routine.

My course this month is Personal Health and I dedicated my class project (taking one initiative to improve our health) to working on my sleep issues. I'm really committed to progress. I don't feel proud. I feel like death, but, I want to be proud, and hope I will be soon.

 

[LizardViolet]

Leah123, I'm rooting for you. You've come a long, long way and you've got the strength to go the distance.

Well done so far!

 

[Abstract]

Yahoooo to you! :happy:

 

[Leah123]

I've been digging through my past like there's no tomorrow and it's been very stressful, so, I want to acknowledge, at the same time, that I am proud of myself for finishing another college course. I just finished today, actually, and I earned an A in the class. I have 17 more to go until I get my Bachelor's at long last, and I am hopeful that one day soon, I will be a reporter.

I've been working really hard and while it is pretty black on the inside, I have to have faith that all my hard work and self-examination will pay off.

 

[Abstract]

Good for you Leah! :tup:

I hope the rest eases up a bit soon.

 

[therisa]

This a huge victory, for you, Leah. Have a huge beaming smile, on my face, as I write this. I hope, one day, I can go back to university, and work upon another degree, without the anxiety attacks and disassociation bouts, I had, the first time (1990-94). This was before I was diagnosed with PTSD and a few other anxiety disorders.

 

[Leah123]

I finished another class on Sunday. I am pleased with myself for persevering through a stressful month, but even moreso- I am proud of myself because my daughter started back to school today. One of my main therapy goals has been to keep my temper with her, and this weekend, I believe I did a great job of preparing her to go back to school and making it a great weekend and first day back without losing my temper at all or causing her any problems. I'm really happy about it! That might sound small, but... to me it's really big.