I'm Having Problems Avoiding Substances

[xxxjoi]

Grrr, it is very difficult because whenever I feel overwhelmed the first thing I'll want to do is drink because it relieves all the tension I feel. The problem is that I always drink too much. I wish I could drink socially just to loosen up, or to have a glass of wine at dinner, no biggie.

I'm sure others know this feeling too, is there ever a point where there isn't that temptation to drink until I'm blacked out? Has anyone gotten to point where they *can* drink socially?

Joi

 

[Pixie]

Hi Joi.

I was very similar when I finally broke down about 5 years ago. I would drink almost every night and always way too much. I would find that even if alone, I would drink for the sole purpose of becoming numb and to avoid feeling anything at all. I spent almost a year like this...

I'm not sure how it stopped or why. I simply can't remember but at some point I did stop drinking. Probably as I finally got some help with medication and therapy. I began to write in a journal as a way to get the unbearable feelings out in a more healthy way and while it doesn't remove the feelings, it does help a little.

I can now have a drink socially but with the medication that I am on, I literally can't drink much. One or two glasses of wine is the most I'll have and I don't feel the need or the desire to keep drinking. I stop myself before it gets anywhere near there...

Pixie

 

[Dylan]

Hi xxxjoi,

I can drink normally when my symptoms are low.

When my symptoms are high, with that feeling of unrelenting, seething stress, my brain will look for whatever it thinks will help it the best and fastest. Unfortunately, alcohol works very well and very fast, so I'll reach for that when symptoms are high.

When my drinking increases, or my consumption starts to look like bingeing, it's time to get a lot more support to bring that stress threshold down.

Our brains are built to try to bring us back into balance. If my brain can't find any relief, or any way to bring me back into balance, it will demand whatever will work. I finally understand that I'm not weak, I'm not undisciplined or lack willpower and I can't just not drink/over-drink because it's not good for me. I need to give my brain and body alternative ways to dump stress and to feel good.

For me, it's about support and laughter and enjoyment and getting enough support for all three major areas (mental/emotional, physical, and spiritual [some people don't have a spiritual aspect open to them, so it'd be just the first two for those who don't]). For me, it's a process. It's not as though on Sunday I drank too much then on Monday I put all kinds of support in place and then Tuesday on I drink normally. It takes time to wire my brain from stress/pain = drink to stress/pain = meet my true need(s) - and practice to develop the skill to meet my true needs.

HTH.

-Dylan

 

[Deleted member 541]

For me, one drink leads to another, and another, and another......I avoid it at all cost......

 

[Jimmy]

xxxjoi,

I am an alcoholic, a gambler, and a drug addict. Every day I feel like any of them to relive the stress and tension and to help me forget.

The answers do not however lay in the bottom of any glass, bottle, can, poker machine, bong, or rolly paper.

The answer you are after lays within.

I gave up all of these for my children, so they could be happy and not have to go through the turmoil of seeing me in a bad way
:smile:

 

[OMNICELL]

Sounds like alcoholism. Only you can decide. I would take a trip to AA and start learning about addictions to alcohol. I would go their now, before its to late. It will get worse. Then you will have more to deal with then PTSD.
It is not abnormal for someone to turn to addictions when wanting relief from PTSD. However, the addictions will kill you just as fast. If you dont get help.

 

[pandora]

It is very common to want to avoid symptoms, cover up the pain..But in the end you need help. I agree..go to an AA meeting or get into a rehab (if you can...i just finished a day treatment program) due to a substance abuse problem. It was the best decision I ever made. It will help you think more clearly, therefore helping you to process your traumas and you will be able to heal faster IMO. If left untreated it is only going to get worse.

 

[seaworthy]

I know I'm an alcoholic AND I have a Traumatic Stress Disorder. For me, they are intertwined. I was sober in AA for 4 years before my Trauma(s) literally blew me to smithereens. I lost complete contact (memory or association) between my pre-Trauma sober life and my post-Trauma survival life. I have struggled with not being able to get continuously sober again for the last 18 years. I have also been either psychologically or geographically removed from the world for that period of 18 years too. In going back to the 'lower 48', this last year, I have really, really tried to get sober and do AA only to realize that my Traumatic Stress Disorder is preventing me from being able to carry out the step process. Dys-association...that severance of integration or integrity, kept from being able to be honest.

I'm having to bottom out on the PTSD and avoiding my Trauma...or avoiding looking back through my life, before I can even begin to do the fellowship part, the people, of AA. I would love to just be a garden variety alcoholic and attribute all my afflctions to that 'disease' and further deny the gravity of my psychiatric injury.

I've had to come know my alcoholism on my own. I wanted to believe that if it weren't for my Trauma that I wouldn't drink like I did. My Trauma though didn't account for the 'allergy-addiction'...the phenomenon of craving that I get when I consume any alcohol. My Trauma though didn't account for the fact that I couldn't not always execute choice over whether or not I took that first choice. I am really beyond human aid and the only way I can live is through the step process.

What helped me on the alcoholism was studying the AA Big Book: http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm I especially focused on the first 5 chapters. I also listened to this online Big Book study: http://xa-speakers.org/pafiledb.php

I had to have a very, very wide open mind.

seaworthy

 

[seaworthy]

I guess for me, I distinguish an alcoholic as someone who develops a physical craving for alcohol after they take a drink and who also has a curious twist of mind such that they can't stop without a spiritual awakening. I know of many people who were hard drinkers or crisis (post-Trauma) drinkers who are now able to moderate or just not drink at all. I had to find that I'm not in the latter category.

(I suppose there is a rule about posting twice in succession...sorry ahead of time.)

seaworthy