I'm In A Weird Situation

[BrazenBull]

Despite being apathetic most of the time, deep deep inside I am kind of sensitive. My GF said her ex was crying last time they talked to each other (she ... kind of left him for me) and I feel somewhat responsible for everything. I am trying to be friendly with him because I thought, maybe he needs a friend, but I think i just make things worse. Also, sometimes I think she's too good for me. I'm told that my attitude towards studying and work is very inspirational despite the PTSD, but I just can't seem to communicate like a normal person.
You are probably going to laugh but when ever I talk to her, I stutter and stop talking eventually. But then again I'm a great listener.If something is wrong, or I want to "talk" for real, then I'll talk to her through msn.
This has been going for maybe half a year, and I feel like I'm letting her down by being like this sometimes, yet she says she loves everything about me.

I have been trying to talk to people, but i get real tense unless I'm asked a question or for help. (This goes for friends and family) This self exposure therapy I have been experimenting with has actually helped. (I have been talking to random people asking them the time, date, "hi". etc. little by little,in an area I feel comfortable in, and would stop talking if it became too much)

I havn't been paying much attention to anything but my studies because family and everything is just too much for me to handle. At one point i did not sleep or eat for 3 days because of work and school. My friends have also been kinda of .... IDK I just don't feel like dealing with people while I'm like this and maybe everyone is taking everything the wrong way.

My relationships with everyone is kind of getting messed up (At least in my head) and I'm not sure what to do.

 

[Kim]

Hi Brazen,

I can completely relate to not wanting to talk to anyone at times. I too go through times where I don't want to talk to or see anyone. I just want to be alone. I have the opposite problem where I'm always ready to talk to someone but when I'm going through a time like that I don't say much to anyone. I won't even say much to my husband and he just leaves me alone. After 20 years he knows that it will pass in time.

As far as your GF goes, if she truly loves you then that means she accepts you the way you are. If the only way you can really communicate with her is through MSN then do it that way. There's nothing wrong with that, at least you're communicating. Not all "normal" people have an easy time communicating. Some people have such a difficult time communicating that they can't do it even through MSN. You're doing great if you can. It takes a lot of courage to express your feelings and thoughts no matter how it's done.

Do your friends know that you suffer from PTSD? If not you don't have to tell them. Tell them that there are times when you need to take a break from everybody and that it has nothing to do with them personally. Tell them that it's not because of anything they've said or done, that it's just the way you are. They'll understand. Just take your time and don't take on more than you can handle. Take a break if you need to in order to catch your breath, there's nothing wrong with that. You have a pretty heavy load already with school and work, anybody would be a little stressed out with all that.

The therapy you are experimenting with sounds great!! The fact that you're actually walking up to strangers is fantastic!! I'm so glad to hear that it's helping. Keep up the good work.

 

[BrazenBull]

I guess you're right about the communicating part, maybe I'm just thinking too much...... It happens alot.

As for my friends ... I have told them but they don't really understand what it is. ._. I guess I should try to explain to to them eventually. Because this girl I hang out with likes hugging me and grabbing my arm and holding it even though it kinda freaks me out.

I don't really mind it but I just sort of tense up anyways, then start laughing randomly. sometimes she asks why I get so nervous and tense and I'm like "LOL IDK :'D"

 

[Kim]

Yeah we all have a tendency to think too much don't we? Especially when it comes to something we think we should be good at and we think we aren't. You're not alone in that. I find myself doing it all the time.

As for your friends, it might be a good idea if you could explain at least some of it. It would help them to understand what it is you're experiencing at times when you do tense up. I'm sure they wouldn't do anything to intentionally bother you. If you told them that you have PTSD and they've accepted that about you I'm sure they'll understand why you tense up when you do. They sound like they're good friends.

You seem like a nice kid. Give yourself some credit. You deserve it. I didn't mean to sound insulting when I said that, it's just that I have a 30 year old daughter. That makes me almost old enough to be your Grandmother. Just don't tell anyone I said that. LOL

 

[BrazenBull]

Lol ok I wont xD
And I will try to explain why I get kind of tense to them