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Sufferer I'm New. 16/f. I Really Need Help.

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janedoee

New Here
Oh hell. Okay, umm. I think I have PTSD from some abuse that I went through as a young child, maybe 6-7. I really need help. It's eating me alive. I was 'normal' until I started getting these.... Thoughts and "memories" about a year ago and all these horrible things that I remember. I don't even know if they are real. I'm so scared. It's destroying me. I can feel his body heat and the draft from being in the floor. Oh god I sound so desperate I'm so sorry I just don't even know what to do or say.

What the hell is wrong with me?? How do I make it stop? What do I do? How do I know if they are real? They feel so real. I'm so sorry. I'm going to end it here so I don't make any more of a fool of myself.
 
Welcome Janedoee, It took me a while to decide how to reply as it is clear that you are very confused about whether or not your thoughts and memories are real, if you have PTSD, but have been having difficulty since about a year ago.

As you are a minor, if you have a parent or family member that you can have this conversation with... that would be the best way to get the help you need. Self diagnosis, though is not a good idea for anyone regardless of age.

I was a troubled teen, and my own personal situation was such that I was not able to go to either parent. But I did have some discussions with a friend's mother. A trustworthy adult is priceless. If you are having real difficulties, pursuing a course of action in you real life right now is better than posting on a forum. I would encourage you to do so, so you can determine with guidance and assistance what happened, and how/what you need to deal with the issue you are having now.
 
@janedoee first things first regulate your breathing and focus on something that is real today. Something you can physically see or touch that makes you feel safe.

As @The Albatross quite rightly says,

Self diagnosis, though is not a good idea for anyone regardless of age.


Self diagnosis really is a bad Idea. Having someeone in the real world who you can talk to in confidence that can support you right now really is the most important thing you can do.

I wish you healing and safety at this time.

Please take care and Kindest regards.

Laurie
 
I have my mother, who is a counsellor who specialises in rape and sexual abuse. She says that I fit all the criteria and whatnot. We are moving across the country in a few weeks so therapy is kinda pointless. She is also an ex military wife, so unfortunately she knows ptsd well.

I do trust my ma, but in this situation she is pretty much useless. She didn't notice or recognise any of my symptoms, of which I werent hiding. My friends brother guessed within about 4 days of meeting him. She is oblivious. I have no other family.

I'm much calmer now. I intend to get treatment ASAP once we move. I know self diagnosis is a bad idea, but I have nothing else and no way to get help until we are settled in the new area, so I tried this after my mum mentioned it.

I'm so sorry. I just get so scared
 
@janedoee you really have nothing to apologise for what-so-ever.

You are feeling anxious as you suspect PTSD may be what is wrong and you are clearly upset. You have done the right thing reaching out to the older members here in the forum and if you want a chat with a sufferer I would be more than happy to help if you wanted. You can disclose as much or as little as you feel comfortable with, breath regularly and some of the anxiety will dissipate.

:hug:s from one survivor to another if you accept them. You say you have that trust in your Ma and that is something you need to really hang onto. When you need her she will be there I have no doubt. I think it would be good to sit down with Ma and talk things through. If your friends brother has picked up on the signals and symptoms he may be prepared to support you when you talk to your Ma.

Suspecting that you have PTSD is no guarantee that you do. It would be an idea to pop and talk to your GP. If there is a particular Doctor in the surgery that you feel able to trust more than say one of the others, you can even at 16 request a specific Doctor for the appointment.

Take care and be gentle with yourself

Laurie
 
Hi, I'm a 16 year old female too & I also went through sexual abuse between the ages of 6-7. I repressed these memories as well until about a year & a half ago, so I can really relate to what you're going through...

There is nothing wrong with you. When something happens that our brain can't process, the memories can become buried deep down until we are in a safer place to deal with them. There's no way to make it stop, either, without repressing the memories even further- which will only hurt you more when they come back.

As others have said, self diagnosing will not do you any favors. If you go into an appointment thinking you're going to be diagnosed with PTSD, you might have a self-fulfilling prophecy & end up with an inaccurate diagnosis. Keep an open mind, you could be having a "normal" reaction to the trauma or not.
 
Welcome, @janedoee . There's already been given some pretty good advice here. I hope you'll find a lot of recognition and support here. :hug:
 
Nothing is wrong with you. You went through a traumatic experience and have unpleasant lasting effects because of it.
 
Meet the most trusted elder you have in your life and let them know how you feel. It's important for you to feel close to someone, and to reach out to someone you think has a chance of understanding you. Know that people much older than you--I'm in my 40's--feel the same way and are afraid daily (or minute by minute) just as you are. This forum is full of people who know what you're going through.
 
Well, in the interim (with a move coming)... if you have access to a library, you could start reading up on some coping skills to tide you over? I had a psychology teacher who (when I was in high school) would give me reading or recommend techniques for me to try. My school intervened for me so I wouldn't drop out of high school though they did not report anything to authorities against my parents.

A way to combat the helplessness of it all (fear of coming back home into a violent home every day until I became independent and was able to leave) was to dig into reading material that could help me with depression and anxiety.

Absolutely nothing to apologize for, glad you are here.
 
@janedoee Welcome to the forum!

You didn't make any type of fool of yourself, as those jumbled up scary panicky emotions have pretty much been felt by most members here. This is a safe place to express those and also to seek the support from other members as you work through things and learn to manage the symptoms. Find information, help and support where you can until you can be seen by a therapist or other mental health professional.

Debbie
 
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