Sufferer I'm New And I Need Help

[CK6312]

I've never really spoken to anyone other than my doctors about my ptsd because it's embarrassing but the flash backs and the memories are to much to handle these days. That's why I'm here. Hoping to find a way to fix my self.

My name is chelsea and I'm 24 years old. I have ways had depression and anxiety problems but I wasn't diagnosed with ptsd until last year. Most people have PTSD becausr they have been through serious things... I have PTSD because I am week.

It started the night I found out my fiance had cheated on me with my best friend of 10 years... When confronted he lied of course. But he was backed into a corner.. He knew I knew. He blamed me for creating and became angry that he was caught. Because he was drunk at the time, it was easy for him to be very angry. We got Into a physical altercation during which my dog tried to protect me and attacked him. Unfortunatly when he threw me to the ground I was also attacked by my dog.

Weeks went by and I worked hard to repair our relationship.. After all it was because of my depression that he cheated.. He led me to believe that we would be ok.. And then I found out that they had never stopped seeing each other... That night I tried to kill my self, because there must have been something seriously wrong with me to not be good enough twice.. When I came out of the hospital he took care of me. It was then he realized he didn't want to lose me...

Now a year later our relationship is great. But I have flashbacks almost everyday. My chest gets so tight and it becomes so hard to breathe that I think I'm dieing... The nightmares don't come as frequently now but I still wake up screaming..

I hate this thing.. I hate that a year later I still am so affected by this.. Today is a bad day. Amd I don't know what to do.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

You don't get PTSD because you are weak. You have PTSD because your boyfriend and dog attacked you. I don't see how that makes you weak.

Welcome to the forum. Are you working with a trauma therapist right now or is this an option for you?

 

[CK6312]

Are you working with a trauma therapist right now or is this an option for you?

I see a psychiatrist and he suggested support groups. I'm really hoping this helps. Something has got to give.

 

[franciemarnie]

You need to learn about PTSD and what causes it. Support is great, but knowledge is power. There are many articles about it on this site. My favorite book about it is Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine.

I wonder too if your childhood was fabulous or if perhaps you had an alcoholic parent or someone who was emotionally unpredictable in an abusive way. Maybe not. But for sure you need to understand how you got to where you are.

If you are just talking about these things with a doctor, you might need to do something additional to release the trauma energy, which can cause disabling symptoms.

So glad you found the forum!

 

[CK6312]

I wonder too if your childhood was fabulous or if perhaps you had an alcoholic parent or someone who was emotionally unpredictable in an abusive way. Maybe not. But for sure you need to understand how you got to where you are.

My childhood was alright. I don't like to complain because I know people who have had a very tough time. When my parents divorced my mother became less of a parent and more of a teenager. She would frequently spend the night at her boyfriends houses or be out with them alll the time. She wouldn't go shopping for food so my father would bring me "care packages" every week. My mother never brought me to any school functions or after school activities. That my father did even though he lived 40 min away. And if I missed the buss for school then I wouldn't go. I was raped by a friend when I was 14. I was home alone and he was supposed to drive me to school. We always fought until I moved out at 18. She was still who she was but it was less stressful on me so we got along more. Then I had a child of my own. And my mother passed away.

I've had a slew of problems since.. drug addiction (which I overcame) and being used by my ex husband to stay in the country..

Im trying as hard as I can to stay above water.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

This site can really help you a lot. I have been here on and off for a few years now, and I am still making revelations about my healing that are propelling me forward. There are a lot of great people here, too, so it also helps to get to know others in chat (if you are comfortable with that).

 

[intothelight]

@CK6312 Welcome to the forum! :)