I'm Not Going To Make It Through The Winter

[AdamAnt]

Still seeing that AdamAnt?

YES!

 

[Jade-]

YES!

Awesome. I want to plant flowers in the spring......

 

[amethist]

Plant some now Jadebear, indoors. Then you will see them flower in the spring. :)

 

[Jade-]

Good idea amethist......I think I will.

 

[amethist]

As you watch them grow and bloom, so will you. They will need the same care and attention you need, nurturing each other as you both grow through the winter.

 

[AdamAnt]

Awesome. I want to plant flowers in the spring......

you could start a tradition.... a new tattoo of a different flower every spring! I hope you end up sleeved-out, Jade!

 

[Jade-]

OMG that's a good idea AdamAnt....a new tattoo of a different flower every spring....

 

[amethist]

You better have long arms Jadebear, your going to need them, or very small tattoo's.

 

[Jade-]

....And here I am, back on this thread again. This has been on my mind lately.

Only like 15 days until the first day of spring. And I feel scared and anxious about this.

I really hope I make it through.....if not, well then I just want to thank everyone that has helped me, everyone that has said kind things to me, my friends, and everyone that has helped me during my downward spirals and helped me pick myself back up.

I also want to apologize to anyone I have been rude to or pissed off.

This is all 'just in case'.......cause you just never know.

 

[intothelight]

Jade,

We will all make to to Spring, together.

Deb

 

[Jade-]

I sure hope you're right ITL. There were many times that I wanted to die.....but I really don't want to anymore. I can finally see a future....I'm hoping it's not cut short.

I have really got myself worked up about this again. It's such a doom and gloom feeling.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thanks bluecat. I was hoping others would relate since "no sense of having a future, or, the belief that ones future will be very limited" is supposed to be a symptom. Now I just feel like I sound psychotic for starting this thread.

You could be right though in what you said. Maybe it does have something to do with the things I have experienced. IDK. All I know is feeling this way sucks.

Jadebear, I've never been able to feel like I was going to have a future, AND I've had some close calls (not my fault), AND I've had failed Suicide attempts (2), AND I've had times I thought I couldn't stop it (SI), AND I've almost accidentally kicked off (non-intentional).
BUT, I'm still here. Maybe we can take it one day at a time, none of us ever knows if we'd even have until spring, but maybe there will be many springs.

The most important thing is to say it. And 'today'.