I'm Not Really Sure What To Say...

[Melodia]

Hi
I pretty sure I have C-PTSD. I've never been diagnosed with anything and this is the only thing I've read into that fits all my symptoms/problems to the T. Tried to see a psychologist on my own two separate times years ago and I ended up not continuing after the first appointments because I felt horrible. I just felt ashamed even opening up about all these secrets I've kept for so long and then I felt they didn't even understand what I was trying to say, which just further legitimized my feelings of being un-human and beyond help. I honestly don't know what to do and so I just keep moving but don't really feel alive. I've been struggling with self-injury, nightmares, dissociation, depression, etc. my whole life and I'm not even sure I know how to be happy or free from this pain. So here I am ranting to you all on some site and I'm not sure what I expect you to say to make me feel better and I'm not sure there is anything that can ever make me feel better. I'm too poor to get help now even if I tried to go to a psychologist again and would it be any different? I would just feel the same shame and rejection in even opening my mouth that I always do and feel even worse and more like a freak than ever.
Well, thanks for listening to my ranting anyway....

 

[jimmy-joe]

Hi, I feel like saying hi and welcome would be too generic, but I also have no intelligent words either. Except a) when u are ready to tell whatever you want to tell, u should make a thread in the trauma diaries(members) section, and b) %90 of us are messed up or weird etc. I'm weird as f*ck myself, so you can bet that whatever you say, won't be as dumb as the shit I put out :P

I feel like several shards of a human mixed with a bunch of animals and I don't dream much because I'm waaay too tired, but used to have nightmares continously, I see people running around corners, freak out over bumps and pops, cry like a little girl when confused, and have a mass of I guess compulsions that make me look retarded half the time...
so I also have some experiance with such things, as do lot's of other peeps on said site

 

[intothelight]

Hi Melodia,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum. I think Jimmy-Joe pretty well summed it up with stating that a majority of the members here can identify with what you are going through. But it is important to get a diagnosis from a mental health professional, as PTSD is challenging to manage, and the symptoms also appear in many other disorders. Having a diagnosis and a treatment plan can really help with recovery.

Take care.
Debbie

 

[Melodia]

Thanks jimmy and Debbie. :) I really want to get help but how do you get help in America when you're low-income? My family is already on government assistance so how am I supposed to afford seeing a psychologist with no insurance? If anyone knows of any programs or how to get reduced rates to see a psychologist that would be great. I am willing to have a go at it again...I'm kinda at the end of my rope here. I know I can't keep bottling everything up anymore, and just pretend the past doesn't exist, because it doesn't work. I really wish right now that I lived somewhere that has socialized healthcare so I could get help and just worry about getting better without all these other financial burdens to consider by trying to get help. Anyway, thanks again.

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Hi Melodia,

First of all, welcome to the forum. I think I might be able to help out with some of the questions. Depending on which state you are in the federal government health insurance program has different names. Here in Minnesota it is known as Medical Assistance and in other places I know it is known as Medicaid. This health insurance program is primarily for people with disabilities and with your list of symptoms related to mental health would fit that. That fully covers psychologists and psychiatrists and any other assessments or treatments you may need. Applications are at your county government office where you go for your other government assistance programs.

If you would like or need help with the application process, you can also contact the county case management services. The intake for that is usually done by special intake case managers under adult protection and relatively quickly. Don't be afraid by the name. They are there to support you and not do anything against your will. I have had case managers for years and find them extremely helpful in connecting me with necessary resources and helping me contact the various places as well as referring me for services, not to mention helping me fill out paper work which overwhelms me on my best days.

Being Deaf I am not 100% sure how the telephone numbers work. The county crisis line for my county for example is connected to the intake line. You should be able to google your county and find all of the phone numbers for mental health services.

Another resource you can contact is your local NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). They also are extremely helpful in locating resources for people who do not have insurance, do not yet have insurance, etc...

I can't think of anything else off the top of my head. Send me a message if you are looking for specific services in your area.

Best of luck!

 

[a3a2]

A local clergy person may be able to direct you as well. Many places have a sliding scale.

Melodia, this is one place you don't have to be embarrassed or ashamed of your struggles. All of us here struggle. It is a loving and accepting group and a safe place to ask questions and to express your fears and frustrations (Thanks Anthony and Nicolette!).

 

[Melodia]

Thanks Nomad and a3a2! I had no idea I could possibly get help from medicaid for mental health. I always thought it was just for severe physical illnesses or for pregnant women, etc. I will definitely look into this. I really appreciate your kindness and feel very welcomed :)

 

[Froggie]

Welcome to the forum Melodia. Glad that some fellow members have come up with solutions for you. I'm from Canada, so different systems here. Best of luck and keep coming on here as this will help with the in between appointments. Great peer support group here.