Im Really Angry

[Tkitty]

Ive gotten a lot better lately. I have a normal stable relationship with my spouse of 10 years. Unfortunately lately I have been feeling alot about stuff from my past. It's hard to control my temper, I feel mad all the time. I started feeling angry when in therapy i started processing stuff about being horrible abused. Normally I'm pretty good about keeping myself in check, but lately when I'm around adults mostly my hubby i feel furious. I think its because as a child i was sexually/verbally/physically abused by a lot of adults, and that recently in therapy i started working on my feelings about that time in my life. Every time my best friend/soulmate gets around me at night. I feel angry. I have to hold myself up in my room or I will get angry over every stupid little thing. I dont know why, for now I'm told i have to find way to channel my anger. Unfortunately it is really intense and illogical.
I worried its not just a phase, I'm worried that I might hurt someone or say mean things all the time. I not an angry person usually buts it like i have repressed anger coming out of me from all directions. It seem to have to do with him being a man, but Im not sure. This is weird to me, we do everything together so why would my anger come out all the time lately? I'm not mad at him, hes done nothing wrong. I just find myself annoyed and saying things that arent like me.
I guess I feel like a whiny angry little brat lately. That's not like me, usually im really chill and me and my spouse go together like pb and j. I feel like an awful person, he says its okay and that he understands. I never felt angry about being abused as a kid until know buts its like all the time! I feel like an awful human being, Im trying really hard not to be a jerk but it;s like im always irritated. I wish my therapist and I had never talked about this time in my life!
Im afraid I will never be normal again. Im afraid that I will push him away by feeling so much of my past feelings.

 

[Dannyuk78]

Ive gotten a lot better lately. I have a normal stable relationship with my spouse of 10 years. Unfortun...

when i went through therapy not so long ago i found that anger is a massive part of what drives me, its not having it thats the problem as thats healthy its how and what we do with it. I developed a system where i would lock it all away which is bad and it would come back feeling like a big ball of electric in the centre of chest which then drives the thoughts and sometimes i cant control the outburst (verbally).

If your like me then after you feel so bad because you have lost control and you have let it win, the brain is such a complecated tool but what i have found myself doing is putting my hand up walking away and taking 10 minuites to myself using the headspace app. it allows me to focus on me and the feeling that is driving the action which in turn helps me start to process and calm down.

 

[Tkitty]

thank you for replying

 

[Deleted member 39857]

thank you for replying

I only recently this past year was diagnosed with PTSD from my own childhood abuse. I have had times in life when I had seen a psychologist but last year my sister killed herself (my abuser) and on the day I returned to work from that a coworker did the same. So I went on my boss's advice to a doctor who by going into my past caught what was going on throughout my life. And it can cause others around me anyways to change how they feel about me. Financial struggles from missing work, panic attacks when you seem ready for your day, dissociation so peeps think you're not paying attention or what they say seems unimportant. My wife has read up on my condition and beginning to try to help. So anger is a natural given. Like Yoda says, fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. Anger is the evolution of hurt feelings, it's just all about each of us taking the time to notice that someone is hurt actually and not mad! Once our significant others realize that simple thing it becomes easier, not easy but easier. Nothing is easy here, best of luck you guys ok!