Relationship I'm So Blue.

[Glara]

I'm so blue, so sad. I know this stuff has been posted on here a million times before. This just hurts so much and nobody understands except people on here. I don't know if I'll ever hear from him again. I don't know if he's just withdrawing from me, or just doesn't like me anymore, or if he's telling me he's planning to end his life. I'm just venting. This is making me sick and I just need to talk about it. Blaaaccchhhhh...

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Not knowing what goes on in the head of someone you love, and being given vague and distant communication, is horrible.. especially if you are concerned over their safety...

I can't say much, so I'll say :hug: :hug: :hug:.
I am sending you a whole box of hugs.

 

[Glara]

Thanks@Radise. I know there's not much anyone can say. I just don't know what to do with what's going on in my head. It's like being frozen or something. When I was young and got dumped, I went out, got drunk, flirted and moved on. This is nothing like that. He was in and out of my life when I was young! And I never forgot him, and I thought he never forgot me. Now I'm not sure. But I can use all the hugs I can get!

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Brains are really annoying things sometimes. I call it a headtrip. There's a really good song about headtrips, about how nagging they can be, by a Dutch comedian called Herman Finkers. I wish I could translate it for you, but it would become complete gibberish if I did.

But a headtrip is still better than pouring alcohol on it. In a way, you are digesting it, even though it isn't a fun way :unsure:
I am sure he hasn't forgotten you -it's just very easy, when you have PTSD (in my experience) to disappear into your own brain, into his own headtrip. But that doesn't mean you are not in his heart. I hope he can connect with his heart again.

 

[Sweetpea76]

:hug: Hugs to you @Glara... This sucks Doll. I know getting drunk has a longer recovery time when you're more *ahem* mature, but sometimes a few glasses of wine does a body good... for, like antioxidants and stuff. :rolleyes:

 

[sun seeker]

Sending you some more hugs:hug:.

I'm sorry. I do get it, though in a way I wish I didn't. It's such an empty, hopeless feeling isn't it?

You were setting up counseling for yourself, is that happening soon?

 

[Shadowofdoubt]

feel for you too Glara, I know it's painful and there isn't any quick fix. I am a romantic and have been rooting for your relationship to work out, or that he would provide you with some hope, anyway. I'll say it with you, "blaaaaaaccchh"

 

[Wastinglight]

Hugs Glara

 

[Glara]

Thanks everyone. Yes, I am still trying to set up counseling, but there's not many in my area that take my insurance. And they'll have to be compatible with my work schedule. OT is starting again which means very long work hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

It's so much worse because of winter and menopause, both things that cause depression for me. And now the newest thing is my uncontrolled high blood pressure and and heart rate. There's just not enough hours to get to all the Drs and specialists. I'm feeling so overwhelmed. There's nobody to help. I just wish I could have 6 months off to rest and take care of all this stuff.

 

[Glara]

If my BP goes up 6 more points I have to go to the ER. I'm in bed trying to relax.

 

[Glara]

It went down since I got back in bed. I left a message at my Drs to schedule an appt next week. I also contacted the counseling service to set up an appt there as well. Things are very complicated for me at home and I'm working long hours to try to get some things paid off. There's very little I can control, but I'm doing what I can.

My sufferer knows nothing about any of this. He only knew a small portion in the beginning but he's been too distant to talk to, which made it worse. Now he's completely gone. I admit part if me is angry with him for this. I knew nothing about his ptsd when we started, and I was looking for someone to care about me. He came on strong and acted like that person. I know he can't help what's happening to him, but I wish he would have just gone slower if he knew that about himself. I have no one to talk to, so maybe the counselor can help. I wish I just had a friend.

 

[Shadowofdoubt]

You have a friend here Glara. I relate so much to where you are at in life. I have struggled with depression throughout my life and things have gotten worse. Winters are awful, and I am pre-menopausal (46). I have lost my job of 20 years. Things are a mess and it's a long story. You can pm if ever you want. Take care of yourself the best you can!