Action-of whatever kind works for me at the time. Which meant, first, beginning to turn outward, rather than inward-in exploration of the world, rather than withdrawing, as I had been since youth. Everyone else was in the process of "turning outward", establishing boundaries, challenging themselves by challenging the world. I was occupied by, instead, turning inward-reveling in martyrdom in order to both create a since of "specialness" to make up for that denied me from the world, and in order to detach for protection.
Whatever I'm doing, it must be that-doing. Just the "knowing", the intellectual process, is not a solution. For a long time I thought it could be--anything to distance myself from the danger of feeling.
I ask myself what I am afraid to do, and I force myself to do it (unless it's unreasonably dangerous).
If I tremble and shake, and draw whispers and stares (which happens not infrequently to people who've been severely traumatized and sensitized to adrenaline)--then I see it as progress, and congratulate myself even if noone else does.
It goes down on my scoreboard as success. I pushed through the symptoms, and didn't allow myself to be conquered by sensations.
I keep a schedule, and keep to it-and congratulate myself in the evening for doing the best I could.
I take the next right step, doing the right thing regardless of my feelings.
I work to regain my composure by consciously composing myself in every way, in every instant, as the person I not only want to be but know I am, despite the thoughts and feelings.
