In A Serious Panic. Going Back To Therapy???

[majidah]

Maybe I'm putting this in the wrong area but I wasn't sure where else to put it. If it's wrong please do direct it to the correct forum subject? Okay after spending half the night reading the forums here, I've called my job's mental health help line. I got talking to a counselor that feels that I need to be back in therapy. She feels that I have issues that goes far deeper than depression. So, here I go again diving back into being examined like I'm a sideshow (that's how it feels to me ). I got an appointment for Thursday and I should be relieved I know but after taking a nap, I'm not sure about this.

Am I the only one that gets panic attacks over talking to a therapist?

 

[Hashi]

Hi majidah, and welcome to the forum.

I haven't had full-on panic attacks over talking to a therapist, but I've definitely had a lot of anxiety and doubt about it. I've been looking for a new therapist recently and although I know I need to see someone, and sometimes feel desperate to, there are also times when I suddenly think it would be the wrong thing to do.

I think it's a natural reaction. Who wouldn't resist taking a risk talking to a new person and stirring up so many difficult feelings? But I know that it's important to do it so I can heal, rather than continue dragging myself through life.

I'm sorry it makes you feel like a sideshow. I hope the therapist you talk to is sympathetic and sensitive so you won't feel like that. You don't have to tell your story the first time you meet, it can be enough at first to say something general. I know there's a minimum amount you might have to say, and having to talk about symptoms and life struggles can also be tough, but my approach now is to say very little at first, and even say that I'm not ready to talk about something yet. I think it's good to take time to get to know each other before starting to talk about anything in more detail, anyway, so that when you do start to it feels like you're confiding rather than being examined.

Good luck on Thursday. I think it's great that you rang the help line and then set up an appointment. I'd suggest thinking about it as getting a sense of what the therapist is like and whether you feel you could work with them, rather than seeing it as you being under the microscope.

Hashi

PS I don't know my way round the forums very well myself, yet, but I know there's also a forum particularly for therapy as well as this one. Maybe there might be some threads there that could help you figure things out.

 

[milbert]

Good luck. I still get full on panic attacks before, during and after talking to a therapist. You are definitely not the only one. Great job on booking the appointment, and I hope the appointment goes well! Have you been previously diagnosed with PTSD?

 

[VDWngr1355]

I get panic attacks before and during therapy as well. Glad I am not the only one.

 

[milbert]

I'm also glad to hear I'm not the only one :), although I guess it's bad that others also have to go through this :( . I remember reading somewhere that anxiety at the first appointment was associated with better treatment outcomes for people with PTSD. Maybe panicking about going to therapy means that you really care and are already starting to 'expose' youself to some triggers? Maybe not too. Either way, that thought sometimes helps me through.

 

[VDWngr1355]

I didn't panic the first couple of sessions but I also wasn't diagnosed with PTSD at that time. I started therapy because I had literally just left the abusive relationship and knew I needed therapy to help me not return to that situation.

The panicking has only started two months ago or so. I think it is due to the T getting to know the real me and it scares me. Especially, since I did such a good job at hiding that I was ever in an abusive relationship for the last 6 years.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I had the same feelings so many times. It took me finding one I really connected to in order for those feelings to be manageable enough to actually keep going! It's so hard sharing the most vulnerable part of yourself. Especially if on some level you think they might be judging you. 'wow...they must think I'm completely nuts!' or my personal favorite 'well this session will make the book..' It's important to make sure you're talking to someone you trust. Some trust is built over time, sometimes a lack of commonality and unfortunately, compassion, cannot be overcome. Just remember if after a while you still don't feel any better about it, you are allowed to look for a new one.

 

[majidah]

No. I haven't been diagnosed with PTSD. However, sitting here at this forum I am noticing a lot of similar things such as the anxiety of letting people get too close, the nightmares, the flashbacks, the sudden overwhelming need sometimes to completely explode when in certain situations, the fact that there are just times that if I had a choice I wouldn't even deal socially but hide out in my room and sleep it all off or until the mood disappears, the fact that there comes a point in every job I've ever had that I nearly melt down but I've gotten good at quitting before it came to that. What's made it worse is over the past several months I've started associating with family that's tied into the past that's effected me for so long and since doing so, I've noticed there's times that I have this unexplainable rage that makes me want to rip everyone's head off around me then skip off to a dark room and veg yet the people I talk to are only tied into the past genetically. They have never done anything wrong on a personal level. What's really bringing me back into the idea of counseling is the fear that maybe I really am just crazy because nothing I've listed here should effect me the way it does but it does. I know what happened was out of my control and I know that sometimes life just sucks. It's not fair but nothing in life is fair so I should be able to deal. I work in nursing and yet, there's times I just can't deal with a patient in certain situations. My co-workers are great and when they see I'm starting to panic they take over without complaining or pointing it out...but they shouldn't have to do that. So it's off to therapy again. I just hope what I was told on here is true and medical advances actually help me out this time. I love nursing and I really don't want to quit but I'm already getting that need to escape feeling and the feeling of dread when I walk onto the nursing floor.

 

[Loveneverfails]

What's really bringing me back into the idea of counseling is the fear that maybe I really am just crazy because nothing I've listed here should effect me the way it does but it does. I know what happened was out of my control and I know that sometimes life just sucks.

I think you may have answered your own question there. What happened was beyond your control, which has a deeply damaging effect on anyone. I too occasionally feel that I must be crazy, but that's when my I or my T, remind me that my body and my mind are simply reacting the way they were meant to in an ugly situation. I don't know much about your story but what happened to you effected you enough that you are suffering. That doesn't mean you are crazy, it means you are human. The human mind is complex, the different ways it tries to cope with trauma are staggering. This forum is evidence of that! Your pain, your anger and your experiences do not make you crazy, even though I know it feels that way now.

In my opinion, if someone survived a horrific experience and didn't suffer at all...I'd be worried about *their* sanity! That you recognize something isn't right and are willing to take that huge step to try and get help says loads about your character. My heart is with you because I know how hard this is. I too have experienced the anxiety of facing another day or another new face. I also know what it's like to dread opening up to someone and sharing that darkest part, fearing they will confirm that indeed you are as 'crazy' as you thought. But I have faith in you. I don't want to assume anything when I have only just begun speaking with you, but you seem to me to be a very strong spirit. I hope you find the help you need to heal.

 

[majidah]

Well actually I liked this therapist. She did a great job staying away from the past. I know, I know...it's not going to remain like that forever but for now she's a keeper. She seemed to go with the agreement that we'll talk about things on my pace. It's not a race to the finish and as long as I don't lie to her and as long as she doesn't lie to me (honesty is like the major key to a relationship with me) then everything else will be discussed in time. I told her how things have gone in the past with counseling and told her while I agree I need it, I'm not hip on the idea. She understood and promised on hasty moves. I think I can do this.

 

[SimplyComplex]

I like my therapist but got nervous, near panic attacked a good number of times when it was my session day. Its hard and scary sometimes :)

 

[maddog]

Gosh, I think the world of my therapist and trust him more than anyone else in the world. But sometimes the anxiety and anticipation make me physically sick... it's just the way it is and the nature of confronting very painful and frightening material. I do think that some level of comfort and confidence in your therapist is critical though, regardless of whether or not this manifests as "liking" the person in any social/interpersonal sense.

Maddog