Incapable Of Reaching Orgasm From Sex

[Deleted member 28403]

Okay, here we go, the same thread, once again :( I would have continued in the one I wrote a while ago but I cannot find it. Doesn't matter anyway, maybe this time around I find some sort of solution

So, here we go...

I know that this might totally have to do with childhood sexual abuse and stuff, or maybe who knows what else? I really do not know. I just want it to stop being this way. For f*cks sake, I'm male, and aren't males supposed to orgasm easily, yet, I have not ever, and I mean never ever, not one single time, out of uncountable times I've had sex with females, reached orgasm from sex. I have reached orgasm during intercourse, but as a result of masturbation, I have reached orgasm many times over, through masturbation. But even then, it's sorta a weak feeling, and most of what effects it has on me are from how much I have to struggle just to achieve anything, or I might be simply non-functional in that sense and writing this is useless.

I've simply been feeling shit about it again, others do get pleasure, I don't. Just f*ck that. I mean, yea, I enjoy sex, but it is 99% about the emotional side of that, and I'm okay with it, once again 99% of the time, which sorta makes the problem smaller, I can live with it, but tonight, I am simply pissed off at myself. And sort of jealous of my sexual partners.

Also, although I am on anti-depressants, it hasn't caused any changes to any of this.

I mean, seriously, if I can get a girl's eyes to roll back and her body to spasm all around, then why cannot I feel almost anything (physically). Or all those guys orgasming too soon, at least they do. But for me, hardly any pleasure, and no orgasm.

I mean, it's not like I'm even really trying to reach orgasm at this point, I won't be bothering a partner with sex anywhere past the point that it's pleasurable for them, and I can last a theorethically infinite time. But it just seems like everybody gets much more pleasure

Anyone else with similar problems? Any possible solutions or something that could help? Anyone who had the problem and solved it? Similar problems? Anything at all?

 

[Joseph King]

Hi Lifalif,
I see that you mentioned anti-depressants have affected your abilities. They have for me. It might me depression too. Until the last 7 years, I had the sex drive of a young adult. I have never been abused, but I am told that depression can affect this. I have heard of anti-depressants being the blame for not crossing the metaphorical finish line. Maybe check with the doc eh?
Good Luck,
Joseph :)

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@Joseph King
Actually, I said the exact opposite, as the anti-depressants haven't made any change to it.

 

[EveHarrington]

Are you only looking for responses from males?

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

<Wish I was premium so I could be anonymous.>

 

[void]

@Saelben

an orgasm is a state of abandon.......a loss of control......a letting go........a being vulnerable.......it is ONLY in this state that true INTIMACY occurs

many of us cannot do this because when we were vulnerable(in our past) we were traumatized and we avoid being vulnerable again as a consequence

when you are truly intimate you can be hurt again....easily......and so we avoid that state

trust
shame
fear
inability to bond
fear of failure
can all play a role

even stress can shut it down all by itself

your 'session' sounds like it is all about the other person.......but what about YOU??

what if you had a 'session' that was ONLY about you?........focused ONLY on your pleasure?...could be fun:p

you may be focused on your partner's pleasure so much in order to stave off the feelings of vulnerability and to avoid feeling out of control

paradoxically, it prolly makes you a fantastic lover, but at what cost?

Your post explains the cost to you.:(

May you find your way:hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

<good thread>

<learning a lot!>

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@void
Yea, sorta exactly that, but even like, if sex were to be about me, I would feel guilty for it being about me. Darn, I even feel like I'm bothering the other person or sorta guilty if I'm getting a blowjob, even if the person did start doing it by themselves.

I mean, I'm pretty sure there is stuff that would give me more pleasure, but I feel guilty because most of that stuff doesn't involve the other persons main pleasure zones, so I am constantly, and I mean constantly questioning every single word I get from my partner because I'm not sure if they are (and I'm using they in singular, simply because of a formal way of speaking) just saying something because they think it would be percieved as positive by me, though it doesn't really attract them or give them pleasure.

@EveHarrington
Ain't that the simplest way to grow in knowledge, to step right out of our comfort zones :)

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Basically, I'm constantly doing mental backflips. I guess that might be one of the reasons

 

[Deleted member 28403]

The other thing is probably the need to be dominated leftover-ish from abuse and so on, that is sorta hard to voice, due to me being a male, and some dominating traits being expected from me... I'm really not sure what to do or how to voice anything, without feeling like a needy awful person that even asks for stuff in bed.

 

[Friday]

Have you had sex yet that isn't on antidepressants or whilst drinking/drunk?

Alcohol tends to cause "whiskey dick" (so common a side effect it's slang for inability to orgasm), and antidepressants are very well known for causing a wide variety of sexual side effects, inability to orgasm amongst them.

I'm just remembering that before you started on antidepressants you were drinking very heavily, and your sexual career is also quite new in the scheme of things... So am wondering.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Yes, most of the sex I've had wasn't on antidepressants, and I only had sex while drunk a few times.

My sexual career is both new and isn't I guess...

 

[void]

@void
Yea, sorta exactly that, but even like, if sex were to be about me, I would fee...

@Saelben

i hear a number of traits in your reply

fear of being judged or viewed as inadequate
fear of criticism
strong need for approval, fear of disapproval
inability to trust that they are honest about their enjoyment
guilty for feeling good
guilty for any relaxation within yourself
afraid to be the focus of attention
low self esteem
major anxiety
self-judgement

no wonder you can't 'pop the cork', brah!:p:D;)

Now what i say is NOT judgement:hug::hug:.......pls know that.

There's a reason i can see so clearly.:x3::oops::x3:

You are not alone, brah:hug:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Saelben, this is NOT about sex.
This is much deeper, it is about your inner psyche.
Life beat the shit out of your inner self and these are the end results of all that abuse.

It will be overall psychological progress and growth that will improve this issue.
I believe that you can do it.
Insight and awareness are always the first step.

:hug: