Informing Work About Restraining Order?

[desiderata310]

Long story short, I am filing for the restraining order. Actually, my therapist spent pretty much the entire session today convincing me to do it. I had pretty much freaked out after having to tell my story for the papers at the shelter and am convinced that
1. He's going to get very angry and aggressive and come after me
2. He will actually show up for the hearing and convince everyone that I am crazy and nothing happened.
3. No one will believe me.

My therapist, the poor man, actually sat there and managed to talk me through it and convince me that with him at the hearing they would believe me. Actually, that is, I believe, the only reason I am following through. Someone's profession opinion of my mental status given what's happened…. wow… and to think that is supposed to make me feel better…

But I digress…

Through all of this, we also talked about how I should deal with this in regards to work. I suppose I should wait till I have the permanent restraining order in place before I talk to my boss. The question is, once I do that, HOW do I address it with my boss? I work in a big building with offices scattered in odd corners so security is… a little odd. While I am in a semi- populated area, I am often first in/last out/ there alone because of my odd hours.

I don't want this becoming a source of gossip. I am one of the directors and I can't afford to be viewed as weak by those who work for me.


Aaaaannnd… I really am having second thoughts about filing the papers again…
God, I am such a f*cking wimp.

 

[Mayday]

There is nothing weak about what you're doing, you're being very brave. You may even give another woman at your work the confidence to stand up for theirselves

 

[Johnny's widow]

A restraining order is just a piece of paper. Many years the advocates stood by me, helped me fill out the paperwork, and occasionally went to court with me. If the law enforcement officers do not feel (or are scared of aggressor) like confronting the abuser, there's nothing that piece of paper will do for you. After 7 restraining orders (the restraining orders never read the correct words, according the the police), I filed the 8th. The judge said come back in 6 months, I tried to kill myself, 1 week later my husband died of a drug over dose. It's been down hill from there. I'm a f*cked up, angry, tired of trying bitch...

 

[scout86]

As far as your work place goes, I think they need to know the facts and ASAP. If there's a chance that this guy might show up at your work place looking to cause trouble, they need to know and be prepared. YOU are not the problem, the perpetrator is and they need to be aware so they can plan a response. These situations happen. If they haven't already thought it of, they should anyway. Being prepared isn't "weak" by any stretch.

JW, sorry for all you've had to go through and welcome to the forum!

 

[catjudo]

Admittedly my situation wasn't the same because the time that I had a temporary restraining order against someone I was working on a closed campus (fences, gated, security guards checking ID at every entrance, etc.). However, I let my supervisors know and they had me notify the security department. No one even asked to see a copy of the restraining order or asked for any details...that I told them the name of the person, there was a restraining order and they should not be granted access to the facility under any circumstances was enough. They did not tell or share the details with any unnecessary person. There was no gossip or talking behind my back.

Like I said, I know my work circumstances were different, but I would encourage you to at least let your supervisor know and see how they handle it from there. Just because you have a restraining order and are notifying them does not mean that you have to give them the details of why you have the order, etc. Best of luck to you. For what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing getting the order.

 

[Justmehere]

@desiderata310
You. Are. Not. A. Wimp.

You are an amazingly courageous woman who is standing up for her right to be safe. I think what you have done is amazing and a really good thing.

When I had to file for a restraining order, I had similar fears. None of them came to be. I really hope that this is true for you.

If he did do anything to violate the order, he would go to jail for violating the order - even if he so much as sent you one text.

The way I told my boss was "hey, just so you know, I have a restraining order against a creepy guy. I don't want to talk about it but just wanted to let you know that if this guys shows up, I will be calling the police." I gave him a copy of temp order. (Not the paperwork about why the order was granted, but just the order itself.) my boss thanked me for the info, assured me he would be discreet and yet would also make sure security was aware and would escort the guy out and call police if he showed up.

I do hope your boss is discrete as well. Unless the guy shows up, it's no ones bussiness. And if re did show up, it's just about getting him and keeping him away from you.

If I knew of anyone that has a restraining order against someone else, I personally would not think of them as weak - but I would think "wow, that person is strong about boundaries." I think people get more of an umpires sign of not messing with someone with that courage than thinking they are wimps or weak,

If they do think you are weak because you won't let yourself be harassed anymore by him, well, that says more about them than you.