Inner Kid Work

[Deleted member 42984]

For me, inner child work is not only beneficial, it's crucial to my healing. I have several inner kids, of various ages, each traumatized in their own way. My job is to keep them safe. Setting boundaries with whoever harmed them. Supplying them with love and care. Generally, to meet the needs of my inner kid(s). Be my own loving parent, so to speak.

All of this I was taught in rehab. And it stuck with me as it made and makes complete sense to me.

Best wishes and good luck to you :)

 

[Changing4Best]

It comes up occasionally in therapy and out. A lot of it is about food. My poor innerchild was denied so many things she loved and forced to eat stuff she hated, that she sometimes does not want to eat at all. On the other hand, at other times she binge eats. Since this was discovered, our eating is getting a little better.

 

[skgcalm]

I have found inner child work very beneficial and healing. I started with a book called 'Healing the Child Within'.

My little one had been abandoned and I, as an adult, was able to do a lot of healing work by going back and 'reuniting' with her and being the parent she never had. She is a part of my life. A part of the whole me. That was left damaged and broken. Doing this work has been wonderful to find the spirit and awesome qualities of her no one acknowledged before.

I wish you well if you chose to do this. It was for me, and many others, a very integral part of my healing journey.

Inner-child work was a break-through moment in my recovery work. It has given me a place to focus my love, support and reassurance. Allowing me to go back in time to make him stronger.

 

[skgcalm]

Like my adult side is more rational, doesn’t really have emotional highs and lows. But there’s a part, that I consider kid me pretty much, that is pure emotion. That’s all that happens is pure feeling and clingy/attached to people and just completely irrational in everything. I know these two extremes need to connect and balance.

Your comment about a highly emotional inner-child that is clingy/attaches to people really resonates with me. When my inner-child gets activated, due to rejection, my inner-child would take control of me and in a very emotionally hurt manner plead for them not to leave. Even when my adult knew that the relationship was not right for me. I have learned that when I feel an emotional trigger of an abandonment flashback possessing my inner-child that I need to comfort them and reassure them that they are safe and loved and we will be okay on our own. I don't want to be on my own, but I now understand that I have to be. As you said, I need to join with my inner-child and have a harmonious joined healthy balance with them. I'll be interested to hear more about your journey. ? Have you tried writing to your inner-child? The dominant hand is you the other is them. I haven't tried it yet.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Inner child work allowed my codependency to develop boundaries as well as some respect or at least acceptance of another’s line in the sand. After some time invested, this mode assisted with quieting some of my night terrors born from C-PTSD. However, I think one of the greatest gifts from this inclusion of therapy was not transferring what I needed from my childhood onto that of my Son to play out.

May you find some peace within your choice of therapy.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I haven't read any of the replies but I honestly don't think most can relate to an "inner child". I do and some on here do but I think it's safe to say that most of those traumatized don't.

I knew I had super seperated personailties. They feel different. They think different. They have full and complete different personalities. They switch in my head and I even physically moved places without memory of it many times. I am now formally dignosed with OSDD (a pretty new diagnosis, first learning about it on here and bringing it up to my therapist) and I do say "my youngest part" or "my protector" to describe which alter is in the present because that changes how I think about things, understand and grasp things, act, talk, and so forth it's just helpful to know which alter is present. When my "angry teenager" part is present, I fly off the handle more. When my "protector" is present I am numb and don't seem to take in info as well. When my "youngest part" is present, I really don't take in info well and you have to break it down into smaller, almost child-like, pieces for me. When my "sexual seducer part" is present I tend to sexualize things way more. It helps all involved to know this.

All that said, my therapist always says "you". "So, you feel this", "you think that". He is always circling back around to them all being parts of me and reminding me that intergration is the goal. He never says "you're youngest part..." but rather "you..." if that makes sense.

I do think it could be helpful to work on "inner child" work if you already feel that super seperation. If you don't, I don't think it's helpful to try to create a seperation because that is "what's supposed to happen" or what you're supposed to do. Cause that's not true at all.

My therapist wasn't too keen on working with seperate alters either, but I kept bringing it up and when I speak I advise who is present because it helps me and we eventually moved into talking about it. My therapist always does more training here and there. Continual learning, I think is what he calls it. If it is already something that's an issue for you (such as already being seperated) and you'd like to work on it then I'd ask her if she can do some trainings in it as it would be something you'd like to work on. But, again, if it isn't then don't worry with it. I think "the inner child" is an overused term in my own opinion.

I think inner child work is parts work. Often I see people talk about their parts here, and they relate back to traumatic times or times that that part of the self did without....was neglected or abused....didn't feel loved. Those who feel they have separate pieces of self, an unhappy inner child (or children) or parts of themselves often give them names based on their job or character.....and often the names help clarify what part is feeling a certain way or has a need-....it's six of one, half dozen of the other.....child parts, parts, inner child work.....kinda synonymous to me. The point is to validate that overlooked, hidden, or angry/hurt part which is creating head noise or trouble in your life.....the part which took the brunt to help you survive, and to identify what can turn that hurt around. If you can turn around, and satisfy the unhappy part within....inner child or younger part.....you can get more piece of mind and less head noise and be more functional more frequently...and more satisfied overall...I believe.. The parts within which keep you in bed, keep you from trying, criticize you, can be motivated through acknowledgement, self-love and fun. . Just my thoughts.....and we as children will thrive on positive and parental understanding and wither in an atmosphere of danger, excessive parental control, anger, inconsistency and hurt. Self-parenting then becomes the goal....just my opinion.

 

[futurefocussed]

I never intentionally went about with the concept of 'inner kid work' but what I do know is that like ladee, it's been a 'reparenting' thing, being the parent I never had. My inner child is who I was before the trauma, that she's 6 years old and acknowledging her, spending time with her has helped significantly. I've never read a book and my therapist didn't promote it, but it's been very beneficial for me.

 

[PandaPower]

It's beautiful to read about everyone's inner child work.
The way I have experienced it, It has been about play, and brining that energy to my adult life. There are also components of learning to reconnect with the qualities I had when I was a child, and like others have said, reparenting.
Two activities that we did at an inner child retreat (there were more but these were my fav)
1. Imagining your child as a young child, listing the qualities that you had
2. It was at the beach, So just running around, exploring, jumping in the water, looking at sea shells or funny rocks, doing whatever came naturally to our child self (it was a timed activity). Maybe you could do that if you have some nature-y space near by that feels safe :).
Best,
M

 

[Changing4Best]

We had the toenail removed from the left big toe. Inner child dealt with it pretty well, until the soaking in Epsom salts. That stings! She tries to get me to take my foot out before I'm supposed to. I have to comfort her next time we soak the foot. I did tell her that we getting closer and closer to the time for that. It wasn't enough. She needs more comforting than that. And a treat.

 

[futurefocussed]

We had the toenail removed from the left big toe. Inner child dealt with it pretty well, until the soaking in Epsom salts. That stings! She tries to get me to take my foot out before I'm supposed to. I have to comfort her next time we soak the foot. I did tell her that we getting closer and closer to the time for that. It wasn't enough. She needs more comforting than that. And a treat.

I can relate to this, my little angel and I had to endure an MRI in which we were treated very badly, not cared for or respected, that she was terrified, even though we watched the video that explained it at a 6 year old level and she just hated it and screamed inside for the entire 20 minutes crying, that when we finished not even chippies helped calm her down or hot chocolate because the model was older and our head was crammed inside the head cage (imagine ear plugs, then headphones, then the head cage, plus thick hair) that our chin was pressed against the top that we couldn't talk or cry out for help or anything. It was very much re-traumatising and so to try and calm her down after that was very difficult, even when I got her little treats that she enjoys and let her pick lunch, not easy at all. All I know is if we ever need an MRI again, we're not going to that one.

My little one likes hot chocolate with marshmallows, and she's adopted my middle name as her own, so she has little things with her name on them, we even have 'matching bags' now

 

[katz]

So I’m torn, my T is working with my traumas but is usually very present/future focused. But I’ve seen a ton of people on here doing inner kid work. My T isn’t experienced in that and no I have no interest in changing to a different T. But I do recognize I have a lot of torn feelings/reactions much in like an adult side and kid side. So I’m thinking I should do some inner kid work on my own. What are some resources and tips?

If you don't want to go further, or your T does not want to- it's your choice. However, I have found over the years that my inner child needs to feel that they are loved and not alone. I actually sat down and wrote her a letter to tell her that I (adult me) love her and can always be there for her if she needs me. It was a way to show me the love I had missed when I was young and very much in the "survival" stage and not able to see and enjoy life as a child.

I was very surprised how much the inner me appreciated hearing this from an adult. It made me cry and understand the pain that the "little me" went thru.

Why don't you bring up this idea to your T? See what the two of you think would work for you. You may find some new things to talk about, that can relate to the little you and the big you also.

 

[skgcalm]

I actually sat down and wrote her a letter to tell her that I (adult me) love her and can always be there for her if she needs me. It was a way to show me the love I had missed when I was young and very much in the "survival" stage and not able to see and enjoy life as a child.

I was very surprised how much the inner me appreciated hearing this from an adult.

I love that @katz I have only recently been reaching out to my inner child. I have heard the suggestion of writing to them and allowing them to write back with my non-dominant hand. But I guess I'm scared of what they may write me. But, I love the way you described writing to your inner child. I really love that.

My T is subtle with the inner child stuff so much so I barely realise she is doing it.
I think it's helpful stuff. Perhaps not in the moment (younger me has no emotional resilience and no ability to take a step back and breathe, she's always on high alert), but when I can reflect afterwards, it helps.
I get that I need to make younger me feel safe so that she can be gone (?) Or calm (?) Or something. I get 'fixed'.

I'm reading 'from surviving to thriving', doesn't really have inner child stuff but has inner critic stuff which I view as one and the same.

@Movingforward10 I love the book you're reading! He really resonated with me, I hope you get what you need out of it.