Insecurity Making Me Doubt Friends' Loyalty

[Tee]

I got so insecure about a friendship and blew up an emotional Holocaust over it (that I can't quite remember now. It's all very hazy ). All I know is that it feels like I've lost him as a friend. And what's worse is I'm also starting to feel insecure about my other friends, thinking that they're excluding me and therefore going to abandon me. I don't know what to do other than stay away from them for now because I'm so scared of getting triggered again and losing them like I've lost that close guy friend of mine.. I don't know if it's reparable and I don't know how to repair it..should I explain my PTSD? Can anyone else relate?

 

[EveHarrington]

I've found that sometimes explaining helps (a little), sometimes not at all.

If my behavior truly is "bad" then people walk away regardless. My PTSD may give me a little leeway but in the end people still have basic boundaries and expectations in relationships.

:hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Can anyone else relate?

I can. What has helped me is to appologize first for the emotional explosion. I may or may not explain but I do always appologize.

People don't have to know your past nor your mental disorders to understand. To just say "i've been through shit and now deal with shit in my head and so sometimes I explode emotionally without meaning to" most people will get.

I'm not saying say just that. Only that you don't have to disclose anything to have friends understand that sometimes you will do this but don't mean it. And the best way for them to know you don't mean it is to appologize.

 

[Tee]

How long do you wait before you explain it? if you let the person cool down and have space won't they care less over time? :(

 

[Suzetig]

It depends on the relationship - there are times when it feels very important to explain what happened (including how it links to PTSD/trauma) and other times when that's much less of a big deal and an apology will suffice.

Times when it's important? When I know I've acted out of being triggered by someone and really overreacted and the person is left totally bewildered by what just happened. That tends to happen around people who know me and care about me most and frankly, they deserve more than an apology. It can still take time to rebuild the relationship but they at least know it wasn't their issue.

The times when I apologise tends to be when I know I've reacted but the people involved aren't so close to me, or where I've somehow caused upset without meaning to but don't want to get into the PTSD thing.

It's a judgement call in terms of how long to wait, the closer they are the more important it is for me to fix things, and the less time I leave it.

 

[Tee]

Thank you for your replies (: I will consult my counsellor on how to go about fixing the friendship....