Teasel
VIP Member
I f*cking hate f*cking Apple.
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Insert Swearish Rant Here
- Post starter Friday
- Start date
Odin's balls! Are you deliberately trying to give me a heart attack?! Seriously, I asked you before I started if we had a big motherf*ckin' baking pan. Of course I don't have any of mine or half of my other kitchen stuff even though I f*cking told you when I moved in that my cookware was one of very few things I just could not live without. Oh that won't have to stay in storage you said. Well f*ck that!! So you come in here and pull out the tiniest baking dish ever manufactured and think I'm gonna fit all this sh*t in it?! F*ck me, really?! Men are supposed to have a better sense of spatial awareness than women do, and everyone on earth has a better sense of spatial awareness than me, yet even I can clearly see that the immense volume of food on the stove won't even come close to fitting in there!! Why didn't you just pull out the big motherf*cker to begin with?! You know I am really f*cking stressed out right now because I feel totally nonfunctional in what is supposed to be my own home. Guess what, b*tch, this ain't my home! F******ck!!!!
And do not tell me that we have a motherf*ckin' cheese grater and then bring me one that is smaller than the palm of my hand. That is not a cheese grater! That is a motherf*ckin' novelty item. And no, the one in the drawer won't work because that is for grating nutmeg. I can't even grate parmigiano on that. It's too narrow. It doesn't work. Even if my microplane wasn't also in storage that wouldn't work either because I am grating motherf*ckin' gruyere! Yep, that's right! It's called a motherf*ckin' box grater motherf*cker!! Once again, box motherf*ckin' grater!! What kind of backwards savage universe have I fallen into where people don't even know how to grate some motherf*ckin' cheese!! Damn!
You know how much it freaks me out to even attempt this! Whyyyyyyy!!!!! The oven has been preheated for over an hour and I'm still trying to calm down so I can put the f*cking casserole in!! Oh, and that brings me to my favorite part of all, oh yes! The part where you took your dirty steak pan, and instead of rinsing it or at least putting it in the motherf*ckin' sink you instead just shoved it back in the motherf*ckin' oven!! Really?! REALLY?! I suppose that's just fine though because luckily I discovered it in there after a whole mess of sh*t was burned black on it. F*ck!!!
And do not tell me that we have a motherf*ckin' cheese grater and then bring me one that is smaller than the palm of my hand. That is not a cheese grater! That is a motherf*ckin' novelty item. And no, the one in the drawer won't work because that is for grating nutmeg. I can't even grate parmigiano on that. It's too narrow. It doesn't work. Even if my microplane wasn't also in storage that wouldn't work either because I am grating motherf*ckin' gruyere! Yep, that's right! It's called a motherf*ckin' box grater motherf*cker!! Once again, box motherf*ckin' grater!! What kind of backwards savage universe have I fallen into where people don't even know how to grate some motherf*ckin' cheese!! Damn!
You know how much it freaks me out to even attempt this! Whyyyyyyy!!!!! The oven has been preheated for over an hour and I'm still trying to calm down so I can put the f*cking casserole in!! Oh, and that brings me to my favorite part of all, oh yes! The part where you took your dirty steak pan, and instead of rinsing it or at least putting it in the motherf*ckin' sink you instead just shoved it back in the motherf*ckin' oven!! Really?! REALLY?! I suppose that's just fine though because luckily I discovered it in there after a whole mess of sh*t was burned black on it. F*ck!!!
bellbird
VIP Member
I'm gonna have to use this one in future :D
Justmehere
Sponsor
This is such a delightful rant! Can’t. Stop. Laughing!
Dare I ask, how did the dish turn out?
Pretty good. I was flipping out so I forgot to put the cornstarch in the cream, and the sauce broke a little. But it was delicious so I didn't really care.
I just read it again, and I can't stop laughing either. I dated a guy once who would go out of his way to intentionally piss me off and then act like it was hilarious. At the time I thought he was just being a douche, but now I think I get it.
Teasel
VIP Member
Chuffin bollox I feel like a teenager :meh:
To all who enjoyed my cooking rant of the other day,
Sadness descends upon me as I write to inform you there will likely not be another. My kitchen has been rendered forever unusable. I had thought to attempt a rant regarding this, but I find myself too shocked by the madness that is my life here.
Foolishly, I believed that I had already discovered the most negative aspect of living with another scientist when we became embroiled in a knock-down drag-out argument concerning phylogenetics that ended with both of us in tears. I was mistaken.
My error came to light earlier this morning, when Boyfriend cheerily wandered into the kitchen to reattach the blade of my immersion blender then nonchalantly announced that it had been required for the homogenization of eyeballs in his laboratory. I have been trying to take comfort in the knowledge that the eyeballs were bovine in origin and not of human extraction. Alas, comfort is not forthcoming.
My coffee has gone cold now, and it is too painful to write more.
Sadness descends upon me as I write to inform you there will likely not be another. My kitchen has been rendered forever unusable. I had thought to attempt a rant regarding this, but I find myself too shocked by the madness that is my life here.
Foolishly, I believed that I had already discovered the most negative aspect of living with another scientist when we became embroiled in a knock-down drag-out argument concerning phylogenetics that ended with both of us in tears. I was mistaken.
My error came to light earlier this morning, when Boyfriend cheerily wandered into the kitchen to reattach the blade of my immersion blender then nonchalantly announced that it had been required for the homogenization of eyeballs in his laboratory. I have been trying to take comfort in the knowledge that the eyeballs were bovine in origin and not of human extraction. Alas, comfort is not forthcoming.
My coffee has gone cold now, and it is too painful to write more.
I hate to follow Angrboda's hilarious posts with this, but I just gotta vent.
Fibromyalgia really, really, REALLY SUCKS! At least with PTSD you know what caused it and you know what you gotta do. Even the Mayo Clinic doesn't know much about fibro and the physical pain can get totally awful, as it has for me over the last two weeks. There is no comfortable position to be in. I was athletic and physically active all my life. Fibro's taken that away from me. Okay, yeah, it could be a lot worse, like MS. It could be something life-threatening. It isn't, unless you're driven to suicide from the pain (which I AM NOT, but I know others who have). But f*ck, isn't PTSD enough? Isn't sciatica enough? Why this blasted thing that no one has done sufficient research into because it mostly affects women and there are still doctors who say it's all in your head????? I have personally only encountered doctors who just nod and acknowledge it, but to those who would say it's all in your head? You get it and then tell me it's all in your head.
Sorry I'm not able to think of something humorous to say right now.
Fibromyalgia really, really, REALLY SUCKS! At least with PTSD you know what caused it and you know what you gotta do. Even the Mayo Clinic doesn't know much about fibro and the physical pain can get totally awful, as it has for me over the last two weeks. There is no comfortable position to be in. I was athletic and physically active all my life. Fibro's taken that away from me. Okay, yeah, it could be a lot worse, like MS. It could be something life-threatening. It isn't, unless you're driven to suicide from the pain (which I AM NOT, but I know others who have). But f*ck, isn't PTSD enough? Isn't sciatica enough? Why this blasted thing that no one has done sufficient research into because it mostly affects women and there are still doctors who say it's all in your head????? I have personally only encountered doctors who just nod and acknowledge it, but to those who would say it's all in your head? You get it and then tell me it's all in your head.
Sorry I'm not able to think of something humorous to say right now.
Maybe we could use that Bad Spatial Awareness pan, because heads of some doctors might be a fitting place for that size??
Muttly
Diamond Member
/muttly makes a note to self to not ever bring @Angrboda into my kitchen or attempt cooking with them. Also... there's such a thing as a nutmeg greater? huh. What... I mean... no....... oh please tell me everything that's grated doesn't come with it's own grater.
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@hodge It really does suck
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Ok, just so you know, you radiate stress like a chihauha that's shaking and barking and all wide-eyed. If you want other people to be professional you need to be and that means managing your freaking moods. Also, don't complain about someone talking bad about people when you do it.
And finally, I will NOT play that came with you. Maybe your week was worse than mine. So the f*ck what? It does NOT matter. You do the comparison stuff and I'm out. f*ck you. I'm not going to be giving you all sorts of sympathy and support because you are so consumed with yourself, you probably wouldn't even notice.
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@hodge It really does suck
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Ok, just so you know, you radiate stress like a chihauha that's shaking and barking and all wide-eyed. If you want other people to be professional you need to be and that means managing your freaking moods. Also, don't complain about someone talking bad about people when you do it.
And finally, I will NOT play that came with you. Maybe your week was worse than mine. So the f*ck what? It does NOT matter. You do the comparison stuff and I'm out. f*ck you. I'm not going to be giving you all sorts of sympathy and support because you are so consumed with yourself, you probably wouldn't even notice.
OMG, I am mortified! I thought this was a thread where we could bitch without being criticized. How the hell did I ever give anyone the idea that I don't care about others??? This really pisses me off because one of my struggles is being too empathetic toward others and not taking enough care of myself.
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