Our house does not clean itself.
There are no magic elves visiting in the middle of the night.
We have not got cleaners on staff.
Every cupboard that isn't filthy? Is being cleaned by someone.
The fridge that isn't covered in grime? Doesn't get that way itself.
The microwave that you left with the same burnt-egg smell yesterday, yet again? Doesn't have an auto-rinse.
The shelves that aren't covered in dust? Don't shake themselves off.
The stovetop that doesn't have a layer of shit burnt to the top of it anymore, despite your best efforts, yet again? Doesn't scrub itself back to some kind of hygienic, "it's safe to cook here" sheen.
The floor that isn't covered in dirt and footprints? Doesn't vacuum or mop itself.
The bathroom that isn't covered in hair and limescale? Isn't scrubbing itself.
The windows and doors? Don't magically wipe themselves clean of handprints and dust.
And the mirror that keeps getting smeered with toothpaste somehow (wtaf)? Isn't getting replaced with a brand new mirror every few days.
It would be really appreciated if every now and then, just every few months or so, you would clean something. You know - pretend like you live here as well and know how to pick up a goddamn cloth.
Instead of watching me hose out the garage and scrub it down? Perhaps offer to hold the hose for me. Instead of watching me clean the fans, try offering to do the other ones while I'm busy with the ones downstairs. Instead of sitting in dust until I wipe down all the outdoor furniture, how about fluffing around that cloth sitting right there next to you every so often. Instead of shifting the coffee table so that I can vacuum under it, how about doing the vacuuming yourself for once.
You lazy, freeloading, filthy mofo.
